EN * A * BLE – To give someone or something the authority or means to do something.
As much as we think we don’t enable , the sad truth is, we all do it in one shape or form. It’s because we care and we think we are doing the right thing. It’s until we finally say, “I, we can’t do this anymore. What do we do?”
As I mentioned, enabling comes from many different situations and sources. And one of the hardest things to do is to change and face the deeper problems there are, and temporarily or permanently walk away.
Where do you start?
If you are dealing with emotional or physical abuse, you need to stand up and take action with whatever it is that is causing you to plead for help. When someone is put in a situation as such, the denial and excuses process starts. Unfortunately the denial and excuses are NOT HELPING. By doing this your not only hurting the most important person who is, yourself, but you are also hurting the ones who are subjecting you to the utter chaos in yours and most likely others lives. As I said, You, are allowing it to happen. Not until you say, NO MORE, will anything change.
Address the situation with the person that is hurting you. Sometimes people may not know what they are doing if it is not brought to their attention. Yes….this is true in some cases. Most people can acknowledge that they have been off kilter but, they too make excuses for their own behaviour. Why? Fear of accountability, memory loss, due to blackouts, associated with alcohol, bipolar disorder, too name a few. They promise to change, and give apologies time after time, buy you things, the list goes on. People make mistakes sure, but if its reoccuring time after time, something is wrong and it needs to be dealt with. If the person chooses not too? You can seek professional help for yourself for steps to take or ultimately walk away.
We all have made or make choices in our lives that will help or hurt someone. It’s hard to accept that our loved ones are going off the rails or your marriage may end or you no longer can see or help your children, but when you consider the risks involved the only choice we have is too stop it from happening and this may require you to walk away permanently or temporarily. Its not until they seek the help they need and stick to the program that your life along with theirs will change.
Its time to make a decision, will you continue to help dig the hole for your loved one or drop the shovel and say, “NO MORE”!
This is, Being Me Sober
2 thoughts on “Enabling”
My mother enabled my brother into his grave- but she was (she thought) doing it out of love.
I am so sorry for your loss and for your mother’s ultimate sacrifice and pain. We never know what the right thing to do when it comes to our children. All we can do is our best and follow our heart.
Bless her heart.