Category: Mental Health

Mental Health, Leisure

Are we shaped by experiences or by who we are?

beingmesober

Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?

Are we shaped by experiences or who we are? Both.

Some heavy experiences in life shape our future and who we become for sure. Sets our nervous system. Fight or flight. PTSD, traumatic stress leaves scars, some to never repair. Shapes what we think and who or what we become as adults.

Certain experiences shape who we become. Whether for good or bad.

We as humans learn through watching. Learned behavior which shapes who we are. 

My son being abused by his father verbally and physically left deep scars and who he is today at 33 years young. His anger is still present and his words at times are valgur.  I’ve tried for years to help him but to no avail it’s embedded in him. Without therapy it will continue. I often wondered if I could have left the marriage sooner maybe my son wouldn’t be as scared. I’m happy to report he is an amazing father and doesn’t mistreat his boys or wife. The trigger is there and the switch can flip at anytime.  Hopefully with support and our endless talks he will settle. His experiences definitely affected who he became.

My life experiences definitely shaped who I became. I became the change. The one who broke the chain of abuse and alcoholism. I became the black sheep of my family speaking the truth and not being blind to who certain people were. Speaking the truth left me somewhat alone but I knew what I was doing was helping my scars and becoming who I was born to be. It left me strong and capable of overcoming.

I’m now helping my daughter with her trauma and addiction for everything that has shaped her into the young 30 year old she is.  She is now in therapy and it’s going well. She is slowly becoming the sweet girl she was before all the experiences she has been through.  I will continue to break the chain and circle of alcoholism and abuse in our family.

I knew before having children,  I was going to be everything to them and help shape their life as best I could. To be successful, to love with all their heart and be a good person. To be there for them always, to not abuse them like I was abused as a child, and to not live a life of domestic violence. I would never let that happen. Unfortunately I did end up back in the violence and alcoholism but I never let it change me inside. It may have changed who I was for a short time but I came out on top and used those experiences to help me today with my own kids.

Although the past desicions and home life had a part in who I would have been I used those experiences to my advantage today. I use them to share on here and with my kids. To show them we can do better. Its up to you to decide what you do with what comes along.

Will you concour or let those experiences determine or shape who you were born to be?

Mental Health

What I’ve been up to the last couple years…

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s!

I hope you’re all striving to be your best selves!

As you may have read I’ve been getting creative and picked up Art and wrote a children’s book. We now have 7 grandbabies and loving every minute of it.

We moved in both places, here in Ontario and down South. Both were such good decisions. We are closer to our grandsons and our daughter down South and enjoying them tremendously!  

I’ve been watching my kids grow into their 30s and although it’s been a rough road at times, we manage. I try to be open minded and advise them as best I can. I’ve learned to step back and let them figure things out.

Hanging out with my son’s children, 4 and 1, has been wonderful. I love seeing him with his son’s. He interacts with them and plays and disciplines and loves them. Its amazing seeing he turned out that way after the way his father treated him. I worried about that. I prayed he would be a good dad. A good dad is what he is, a good provider and partner. Making Mama proud!

I turned 56 this year! Only 4 years to 60!! Whoohoo!! Hard to believe because I still feel so young. I actually find it comical. Onwards and upwards 🙌

I often think my life started at 40. A year after I left alcohol in the ditch, when I really enjoyed living alcohol free. I stopped thinking and living in the past. Finally having someone who stood by me and loved me and my kids. I have truly never been so adjusted, calm or happy. I’ve never felt I had a home, until I built one, ( not literlly ) with my husband, I was always running or given a reason to run. My life, our life improved tremendously when I got better. I got therapy, I went to AA, I know not for everyone, I had proper support and the right group of friends. I weeded my garden. It took years for me to break free from some toxic relationships but eventually I chose myself and removed what didn’t bring me peace. More weeding.

I have a life I love and that’s from making choices that I didn’t think I needed to make until faced with loosing everything I loved so much. Making choices of who was part of my life. Who deserved a place at my table.

It’s an illness that never goes away but once we get to the better side of it, a new you emerges. The one that you looked for, the one that’s been waiting to flourish, the one that matters.

We all hear the stories of what alcohol did to us but what about the good stuff. The positive and great things that come to our lives when we make that choice to live different and authenticly. Love ourselves enough to be who we are meant to be. Be amazed at what you can do, the potential that lays in you, and the opportunities that come your way. Embrace what life has to offer while we are here. Be the change. Have as much courage to set that drink down, that you did to pick it up for the first time. Think back. Remember how scared you were to drink. What’s gonna happen? It made us sick.

Trust me, it’s far from a boring life. It’s adventurous and so much more than you realize.

But, who am I to say, you should just try it and see for yourself! I dare for you to make a liar out of me 😋 I hope to see you on the other side.

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

The hard years…

beingmesober

What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?

My hardest years from 1998 – 2009. Staying in a marriage that was abusive towards me and my son. Eventually getting out. The years I drank to escape. The years I felt so alone. The years I wished I wasn’t here. The years of escape drinking.

My kids got me through those years. My son 11 and daughter 8. I had to be strong for them.

When I decided to end the marriage, 2004, it wasn’t easy. I was a stay at home mom. That was my career. I did work here and there and eventually started my own cleaning company.  I didn’t have money to up and leave.

My ex had a problem paying me support. Not because we didn’t have the money. We did. We were very successful and owned a business that he eventually destroyed. He refused to buy food for us, my car was repoed and he stopped paying the mortgage and the utilities.

My mom was in my life and had helped me with the mortgage until it sold. Her and my stepfather lent us a vehicle and somehow I was able to put food on the table.

Once our home sold, me and the kids packed up and moved closer to my mom. We left our dream home behind to never return to that part of life. As we drove away in the moving truck I was sad but happy. I was sad that it ended the way it did after 12 years together, but I was happy to have escaped, finally.

I knew we could make it just the 3 of us and I was looking forward to the future.

I was still fighting with my ex and eventually gave up on his support. Emotionally I couldn’t fight anymore. I was exhausted.

The money from selling our home wasn’t going to last and I had to start my cleaning company again in the area we moved but knew it wouldn’t be enough without my exs help. So, I put my head down and walked into the welfare office and applied.

How on earth did we get here? We had money, we had everything at such a young age. The big house, the cars, the underground pool and all the toys and there I was walking in too ask for help from the government. 

It was temporary I always told myself and no one needs to know. As soon as I made enough money to support us 3 I would get off welfare. The anger grew. The feeling of complete failure grew.

We lived on it for a year and I was back on my feet. I, we didn’t need my exs help. We can do this, and we did.

I tried to protect my kids from their father and his drunk abusive ways but the courts didn’t help. I eventually gave up on that too and decided to let my kids figure out how bad their father is and why we couldn’t stay. Why I was trying to keep them from him.

He never did pay one cent of support on his own efforts, but because I filed with the FRO – Family Responsibility Office, anytime my ex got a tax return my support was deducted or was deducted from his pay. So he stopped doing his taxes! Got a job that paid cash or just didn’t work. It was okay tho because I wasn’t stuck anymore, I was happy, I had my kids and that’s all I needed. We didn’t have a lot of money but we had each other.

I made our rental home nice and we had fun. My kids are my life and I would and did do everything and anything to make us happy and content.

The kids do have a relationship with their father. Not ideal but he’s in their life. He has helped them as they got older and of course doesn’t have to go through me to give money to get to them. So warped how some think.

Everything we went through was worth the finish line to get us too where we are now. We are happy, humble and stronger than we gave ourselves credit for. It left scars, deep deep scars especially for my son but together we made something so unimaginable into something worth fighting for. Peace and happiness.

Leisure, Mental Health

I miss you…

beingmesober

I miss the beeping of my phone and seeing it’s you thinking of me

I miss the smile you smiled when I said something funny

I miss the talks we had driving in your rig on our way to NY

I miss the days in the Trans Am so free and fast

I miss your arm around me and looking at me so proud

I miss your jokes and your laughter

I miss your stories

I miss the music

I miss knowing you’re there

I miss being daddy’s little girl

I miss you so

-KBP

Leisure, Mental Health

Is a little chaos good for us?

beingmesober

Is a little chaos actually good for us?

What a question! I’ve lived a life of chaos pretty much for 40 years until I got sober and could pull myself from the cause of the continued chaos. Was it good for me? No. Not constant chaos so you don’t know which way is up. Chaos makes our minds function very differently. Everything feels rushed, no time to realize what’s actually going on. You can’t focus, sleep, or live a functioning life in constant chaos.

My mind never rested, it was going constantly.  My emotions were on high and I could never completely settle. I had night terrors since I was a child and was continously anxious. Expecting the drop.

Now I have very little chaos and some may say it’s a boring life keeping to myself and having a small group of friends.  Family  members or friends who bring a certain chaos to my life are at a distance. I absolutely love our quiet life. I am calm and can think clearly without all the other rukess circling around.

Some chaos I guess can stir up a bit of excitement and let us appreciate our quiet life that much more, but too much of anything is never good.

There will always be a bit of chaos no matter what we do to stop it. There will always be bumps ahead but it’s how we handle the chaos when we are faced with it. Calm cool and collected.

So when life is going smooth expect a little splash of chaos to show up and get a little crazy. Let it ruffle your hair and put us in high gear knowing that it will soon pass. When it’s over we sit and let out a deep breath and really appreciate where we are when times are quiet.

Mental Health

Steps today!!

beingmesober

Hit 5,000 steps today and drop your achievement here — we’re cheering you on!

Sorry peeps, can’t partake today! I’ll be on a flight going to see our daughter and grandbabies in Saskatchewan!! Meeting our newest one today.

Will check in later and drop how many steps I did get today!

Happy walking 🚶‍♀️ ✨️

Mental Health

The best way to deal with negative thoughts.

beingmesober

What’s the best way to deal with negative thoughts?

Those intrusive thoughts and self sabotage. We’ve covered this ground before. One little thing can trigger the whirlwind of negativity in your mind. Sometimes lasting only for a few minutes other times it can crumble us.

I use to drown my negative thoughts with alcohol. NOT a good idea! I would be miserable and walk around angry all day and take it out on people around me.

My husband is a great supporter and knows just by looking at me that I’m off. He immediately senses it and asks what’s wrong, if I’m having a bad day or hormones going haywire. I try to say, no, I’m fine or nothing because I hate the attention or pity. Then to realize when I do talk about it I feel a lot better. Took a long time to learn that. I harbored feelings which lead to drinking and being very unhappy inside.

Ive learned to sit with the feelings, analyze and just think. I’m a deep thinker and really try to understand why I feel the way I do at the moment. Sometimes I chat to myself and tell myself that I’m being ridiculous and to snap out of it! Get up and get shit done. Stop the pity party. 

I’ve also tried breath work. Deep breath in hold for 6 seconds and let out a big breath and continue with saying release. Release all the negative thoughts with that big breath out. Believe me, it works!

One of the best ways I get rid of negative thoughts is to pray.

I ask you lord to be released of these negative thoughts and cover me in your light.  Take what does not serve me and fill me with purity, good thoughts and love.

Thoughts come and go like a dark cloud. Let it pass over and know, this too shall pass.

Art on front page is done by me! Kpz Art 🎨

Leisure, Mental Health

What I love now, but hated at a younger age.

beingmesober

What do you love now, that you hated when you were younger?

WEEDING! I hated weeding when I was younger.

When I was 11 Is when my stepmom taught me how to weed the garden. It was the last thing on earth I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be swimming, or hanging out in my room or playing with friends, certainly not weeding my parents garden. Like, why couldn’t they just do it. Huffing and puffing along the way. My mom never gave in though.  She made me finish the entire gardens. The gardens seemed to be so big and take so long to do.

Today, however I’m grateful for those days I hated weeding because it taught me how to take care of my own garden when the day came. I do think back to that still when I’m gardening and give a little thoughtful shout out to my parents for teaching me, and the patience to suffer through my pouting and carrying on during those times.

I can also say I’m a little anal when it comes to my garden. It has to have proper placement, colour and low maintenance perennials. Minimal weed growth. When I do have to weed and maintain the grounds, I find it relaxing. I can go into my own world and tell my plants how beautiful they are! Weird? Human touch stimulates plants and talking to them or having music close to them. They feel the vibration from our voices and the music, the energy we give when touching. 

So, thanks mom for all those lessons that I thought would ruin my life. 🫶👊

When I sit back on my front porch or backyard deck I look at my gardens and smile because they are beautiful and I’m proud of my hard work and of course lessons learned, not just about weeding but about appreciating and taking care of what you have.

Happy Earthing!

Leisure, Mental Health

A time I followed my gut and it turned out exactly right?

beingmesober

What’s a time you followed your gut and it turned out to be exactly right?

I would have to say, my gut tells me when to list and where to buy real estate. I’ve somehow had an intuition for just the right time to list our properties and what price point for a fair and quick sell, as well as what area to purchase in. We’ve never over paid or under sold.

It is more than just my gut, it’s doing a lot of  research, driving by communities to see what the area is like, looking into recent solds and checking out what’s listed and for what price and how long its been on the market. Those are all factors.

Overall though, it could be a great neighborhood, the perfect home and my gut will tell me if something is off about the home or the area. I’m able to see a lot of things people may skim over, and I try to stay tuned to my energy. When it comes to living in a home you don’t want bad juju!!

It’s difficult to know when to trust your intuition or “gut” but, 9 times out of 10 our gut is not wrong.

Listen to your body and and gut. Just remember to feed it well!

Mental Health

What media changed how I see the world?

beingmesober

What’s a piece of media (book, movie, song) that changed how you see the world?

The song that that changed the way I see, not necessarily the world, but the world around me.

I Can See Clearly Now, by Johnny Nash. I know the song and knew it before it impacted my life when I got sober. It took awhile for me to see clearly.

When I was deep in recovery and this song played it was one of my sobriety songs. I could see clearly now, the rain has gone, I could see all obstacles in my way, no more dark clouds.

It hit every ounce of me and what I had tolerated, accepted blindly and the way I was numbing myself to the world that I could have. The people who I could see clearly, no blinders on anymore and no more tolerance from what was hurting me deeply emotionally. I didn’t want those dark clouds, the secrets and pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

Sobriety showed me another side of the world we live in. I don’t have to drink to forget what life or the world had done to me and the people I love. I didn’t have to live in fight or flight mode. I didn’t have to carry the secrets that I held for so many years to protect someone who wasn’t willing to change or accept accountability. 

Music is my therapy. I feel it in my soul and sing to the heavens. My parents always loved music and played it all the time. I heard the song many many times but it hit differently when I changed and boy did that song resonate!

Another song is A Wonderful World. It is a wonderful world when you see clearly.

Some messages we get while here on earth are meant just for you.