What’s a song lyric that has stuck with you forever?
Sheryl Crow – Its not having what you want, It wanting what you have.
Truth!
Author: beingmesober
I'm finally sober! My life up until I really got sober was in one word, chaotic! I didn't know what stability was. To top off my mess of a childhood, I went straight into a marriage with more abuse and alcoholism. But, what I have today is who I am, who I've become, I am with an amazing (new) husband, we have 4 kids and our fur-baby.
It has not been an easy road but I can say it was worth every fight and tear it took to get me here.
Sharing my journey with you and my past is not to display it all over the place but to help someone relate to what has happened and where my mind has been while I was drinking and where it is today. Its to give insight to those suffering that if you just keep fighting you can really have the best life you were meant to have.
Let's do this!
The funniest misunderstanding I’ve been part of….
What’s the funniest misunderstanding you’ve ever been part of?
It wasn’t a big group of people that were involved in this misunderstanding…
Years ago, I had to claim bankruptcy due to some unusual circumstances that I had been going through. Its a whole other conversation.
Here goes. While watching the news one evening the news anchor said noone from Canada will be able to travel to the United States without a Visa. You can see where this is going. I turned to my ex and said, “OH my gosh, I can never go to the States! I need a Visa!!!” What? He says.. I said, “Did you not just hear what the news said?!!” He looked at me and started laughing his head off. I did not think this was funny at all. My dad lives in Florida, how will I be able to see him. My ex says,”It’s not an actual Visa credit card, it’s a traveling Visa, so your good!”
Hahahahhahahahhha. Will never forget that misunderstanding 🤪 I am Blond and certainly had a Blonde moment.
I do have a Visa, and a Capital One card so I’m free to go wherever I want! 👌😁
Cheers and happy traveling.
What app eats my time and do I feel bad?
What app eats up most of your screen time — and do you even feel bad about it?
The app that gets me most when I do venture on is Tik Tok. I have found so many talented artists on there. I also get hooked on all the tarot card readers. All the gypsies and crystal ball readers. I love seeing the way people dress to character too.
Do I feel bad about it? No and yes. I love scrolling with my coffee in the morning watching all the pet reels and and craft videos for new ideas to keep me busy! However, I do find if I spend too much time on my app it can affect my mood. I feel sluggish and not energized. It leaves me in an unmotivated grumpy mood.
I have to set a time limit on my screen time now. No longer than an hour. Time flies when you mindlessly scrolling through reels. Just a flip on the screen and your mind goes to another place. Doing that for a long period of time can really make your brain go haywire, to much to process second after second. Which in return shapes your mindset for the day.
After all, too much of anything, is never good.
One trend I would erase….
If you could erase one trend from history, what would it be?
The one thing I would absolutely erase is the pants the boys/men wear that hang down their *@s! That is the most disrespectful and unnecessary trend.
What happened to dressing up. Not a 3 piece suit but a nice shirt, even a T-shirt, tucked in with a belt and a nice pair of shorts or pants/jeans. If you don’t like to have a belt or tuck in then wear a shirt that is fitting and flattering.
Gone are the days we dressed for the airport, a dinner, or going to grammas house.
Clothes don’t have to be label brands, you can shop at cheaper stores and still fit the part of a well dressed person. Its how you put the pieces together. What impression do you want to give people or employers?
First impressions are lasting impressions. If you want respect, dress for it. If you want success, dress for it.
Noone wants to see what underwear you’re wearing. How uncomfortable!
After all, if you look good, you feel good. Dress with style and make the right impression.
Are we shaped by experiences or by who we are?
Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?
Are we shaped by experiences or who we are? Both.
Some heavy experiences in life shape our future and who we become for sure. Sets our nervous system. Fight or flight. PTSD, traumatic stress leaves scars, some to never repair. Shapes what we think and who or what we become as adults.
Certain experiences shape who we become. Whether for good or bad.
We as humans learn through watching. Learned behavior which shapes who we are.
My son being abused by his father verbally and physically left deep scars and who he is today at 33 years young. His anger is still present and his words at times are valgur. I’ve tried for years to help him but to no avail it’s embedded in him. Without therapy it will continue. I often wondered if I could have left the marriage sooner maybe my son wouldn’t be as scared. I’m happy to report he is an amazing father and doesn’t mistreat his boys or wife. The trigger is there and the switch can flip at anytime. Hopefully with support and our endless talks he will settle. His experiences definitely affected who he became.
My life experiences definitely shaped who I became. I became the change. The one who broke the chain of abuse and alcoholism. I became the black sheep of my family speaking the truth and not being blind to who certain people were. Speaking the truth left me somewhat alone but I knew what I was doing was helping my scars and becoming who I was born to be. It left me strong and capable of overcoming.
I’m now helping my daughter with her trauma and addiction for everything that has shaped her into the young 30 year old she is. She is now in therapy and it’s going well. She is slowly becoming the sweet girl she was before all the experiences she has been through. I will continue to break the chain and circle of alcoholism and abuse in our family.
I knew before having children, I was going to be everything to them and help shape their life as best I could. To be successful, to love with all their heart and be a good person. To be there for them always, to not abuse them like I was abused as a child, and to not live a life of domestic violence. I would never let that happen. Unfortunately I did end up back in the violence and alcoholism but I never let it change me inside. It may have changed who I was for a short time but I came out on top and used those experiences to help me today with my own kids.
Although the past desicions and home life had a part in who I would have been I used those experiences to my advantage today. I use them to share on here and with my kids. To show them we can do better. Its up to you to decide what you do with what comes along.
Will you concour or let those experiences determine or shape who you were born to be?
What I’ve been up to the last couple years…
Hello fellow warrior’s!
I hope you’re all striving to be your best selves!
As you may have read I’ve been getting creative and picked up Art and wrote a children’s book. We now have 7 grandbabies and loving every minute of it.
We moved in both places, here in Ontario and down South. Both were such good decisions. We are closer to our grandsons and our daughter down South and enjoying them tremendously!
I’ve been watching my kids grow into their 30s and although it’s been a rough road at times, we manage. I try to be open minded and advise them as best I can. I’ve learned to step back and let them figure things out.
Hanging out with my son’s children, 4 and 1, has been wonderful. I love seeing him with his son’s. He interacts with them and plays and disciplines and loves them. Its amazing seeing he turned out that way after the way his father treated him. I worried about that. I prayed he would be a good dad. A good dad is what he is, a good provider and partner. Making Mama proud!
I turned 56 this year! Only 4 years to 60!! Whoohoo!! Hard to believe because I still feel so young. I actually find it comical. Onwards and upwards 🙌
I often think my life started at 40. A year after I left alcohol in the ditch, when I really enjoyed living alcohol free. I stopped thinking and living in the past. Finally having someone who stood by me and loved me and my kids. I have truly never been so adjusted, calm or happy. I’ve never felt I had a home, until I built one, ( not literlly ) with my husband, I was always running or given a reason to run. My life, our life improved tremendously when I got better. I got therapy, I went to AA, I know not for everyone, I had proper support and the right group of friends. I weeded my garden. It took years for me to break free from some toxic relationships but eventually I chose myself and removed what didn’t bring me peace. More weeding.
I have a life I love and that’s from making choices that I didn’t think I needed to make until faced with loosing everything I loved so much. Making choices of who was part of my life. Who deserved a place at my table.
It’s an illness that never goes away but once we get to the better side of it, a new you emerges. The one that you looked for, the one that’s been waiting to flourish, the one that matters.
We all hear the stories of what alcohol did to us but what about the good stuff. The positive and great things that come to our lives when we make that choice to live different and authenticly. Love ourselves enough to be who we are meant to be. Be amazed at what you can do, the potential that lays in you, and the opportunities that come your way. Embrace what life has to offer while we are here. Be the change. Have as much courage to set that drink down, that you did to pick it up for the first time. Think back. Remember how scared you were to drink. What’s gonna happen? It made us sick.
Trust me, it’s far from a boring life. It’s adventurous and so much more than you realize.
But, who am I to say, you should just try it and see for yourself! I dare for you to make a liar out of me 😋 I hope to see you on the other side.
This is, Being Me Sober
Am I a lifelong learner?
Are you a lifelong learner?
I believe everyone is a lifelong learner. We learn new things everyday, even if we don’t realize we are. Its also not just about education. Its life lessons, relationships.
I do love learning and continuing my education and skills. It keeps my brain healthy and my boredom at bay.
My latest adventure into learning was sharpening my interior design skills and perfecting home staging. The course taught me a lot and educated me on what avenue I could work towards. I’m thinking of a Staging Consultant. I don’t have the space to hold furniture, art and lights, and tons of decor etc. I don’t have containers for sellers to store their furniture when replacing it with our staging furniture. There is so much involved that I never took into account.
While in the course I got discouraged because it entailed so much more than I thought but I continued and heard of the consulting.
Learning is never a waste of time even if you never use what you’ve learned.
Knowledge is Power Power is Knowledge
-KBP
The hard years…
What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?
My hardest years from 1998 – 2009. Staying in a marriage that was abusive towards me and my son. Eventually getting out. The years I drank to escape. The years I felt so alone. The years I wished I wasn’t here. The years of escape drinking.
My kids got me through those years. My son 11 and daughter 8. I had to be strong for them.
When I decided to end the marriage, 2004, it wasn’t easy. I was a stay at home mom. That was my career. I did work here and there and eventually started my own cleaning company. I didn’t have money to up and leave.
My ex had a problem paying me support. Not because we didn’t have the money. We did. We were very successful and owned a business that he eventually destroyed. He refused to buy food for us, my car was repoed and he stopped paying the mortgage and the utilities.
My mom was in my life and had helped me with the mortgage until it sold. Her and my stepfather lent us a vehicle and somehow I was able to put food on the table.
Once our home sold, me and the kids packed up and moved closer to my mom. We left our dream home behind to never return to that part of life. As we drove away in the moving truck I was sad but happy. I was sad that it ended the way it did after 12 years together, but I was happy to have escaped, finally.
I knew we could make it just the 3 of us and I was looking forward to the future.
I was still fighting with my ex and eventually gave up on his support. Emotionally I couldn’t fight anymore. I was exhausted.
The money from selling our home wasn’t going to last and I had to start my cleaning company again in the area we moved but knew it wouldn’t be enough without my exs help. So, I put my head down and walked into the welfare office and applied.
How on earth did we get here? We had money, we had everything at such a young age. The big house, the cars, the underground pool and all the toys and there I was walking in too ask for help from the government.
It was temporary I always told myself and no one needs to know. As soon as I made enough money to support us 3 I would get off welfare. The anger grew. The feeling of complete failure grew.
We lived on it for a year and I was back on my feet. I, we didn’t need my exs help. We can do this, and we did.
I tried to protect my kids from their father and his drunk abusive ways but the courts didn’t help. I eventually gave up on that too and decided to let my kids figure out how bad their father is and why we couldn’t stay. Why I was trying to keep them from him.
He never did pay one cent of support on his own efforts, but because I filed with the FRO – Family Responsibility Office, anytime my ex got a tax return my support was deducted or was deducted from his pay. So he stopped doing his taxes! Got a job that paid cash or just didn’t work. It was okay tho because I wasn’t stuck anymore, I was happy, I had my kids and that’s all I needed. We didn’t have a lot of money but we had each other.
I made our rental home nice and we had fun. My kids are my life and I would and did do everything and anything to make us happy and content.
The kids do have a relationship with their father. Not ideal but he’s in their life. He has helped them as they got older and of course doesn’t have to go through me to give money to get to them. So warped how some think.
Everything we went through was worth the finish line to get us too where we are now. We are happy, humble and stronger than we gave ourselves credit for. It left scars, deep deep scars especially for my son but together we made something so unimaginable into something worth fighting for. Peace and happiness.
I miss you…
I miss the beeping of my phone and seeing it’s you thinking of me
I miss the smile you smiled when I said something funny
I miss the talks we had driving in your rig on our way to NY
I miss the days in the Trans Am so free and fast
I miss your arm around me and looking at me so proud
I miss your jokes and your laughter
I miss your stories
I miss the music
I miss knowing you’re there
I miss being daddy’s little girl
I miss you so
-KBP
What Villain had a good point?
What villain actually had a good point?
I’m not really into comics or superheroes. I guess maybe being a woman I don’t share any liking to that.
When I read the prompt, I thought of vigilantes. When someone takes the law into their own hands because they feel they are doing justice. Hummm, no one in my opinion, has the right to put the law into their hands to have justice. Although we, as humans can sometimes identify with their actions and agree. Some should be removed from society and never return.
Let’s face it, most times we intervene, we come out being the villain.
Being Me Sober 