Author: beingmesober

I'm finally sober! My life up until I really got sober was in one word, chaotic! I didn't know what stability was. To top off my mess of a childhood, I went straight into a marriage with more abuse and alcoholism. But, what I have today is who I am, who I've become, I am with an amazing (new) husband, we have 4 kids and our fur-baby. It has not been an easy road but I can say it was worth every fight and tear it took to get me here. Sharing my journey with you and my past is not to display it all over the place but to help someone relate to what has happened and where my mind has been while I was drinking and where it is today. Its to give insight to those suffering that if you just keep fighting you can really have the best life you were meant to have. Let's do this!
Mental Health

What has September shown you?

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all striving to be your best selves and doing the best you can.

Everyday I get an email from Universal Signs, it’s a wellness, spiritual site. It has some really good articles sometimes that make you think 🤔,  like this one. What has happened in the month of September that has made you realize or appreciate certain instances?

This month, my husband and I traveled to our home in SOFLO and had a spectacular 2 weeks of relaxation and connection.  I got to celebrate my moms 76th birthday. I’m grateful I have her as some of us have lost our mom, dad or both 🙏.

The toughest this month has shown me is being here for my husband after his full knee replacement. Ohhh the pain he has been in. I can feel every ripple of pain when assisting him to stand, sit, slowly and coincide with one another to move together, to position comfortably on the couch or to go to bed. To fill his ice machine, get his meds, help him shower, therapy everyday, etc. It has shown me patience in an area I’ve never had to deal with, and wasn’t quite sure I had the patience for. Its shown me just how strong we are together at times like these. Its only been 1.5 weeks so there is still a lot of recovery ahead for him but we got this.

Finally, September has been a good month and I’m looking forward to the change of season and my husband being up and back to his independence! It really does take a toll on his pride. And with saying that, he does use a walker but we don’t call it that, we call it his BMW push version mobile!

When you have a moment to yourself this evening and your settling in with a tea or coffee think about September and what it has shown you.

Happy October Eve

This is Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

How I write what people want to read?

beingmesober

How do you write what people actually want to read?

When I sit down to answer a prompt of the day or share an insight about something I am experienced with, I can only hope what I write people will read and it will help them or enlighten the readers. I hope what I write makes sense and resonates with people.

When I started this blog I wanted to share my experience with alcohol and how it changed my life for the worst. How it impacted my life growing up. I shared how and why I made the decision to give up alcohol. Writing is good for the soul and heals, it is sharing to get rid of the stigma and bring awareness to those struggling or ones that are co-dependant. Sharing our experiences helps make us feel less alone. It can happen to ANYONE.

I am also a children’s book Author and have written about acceptance and kindness. I wanted to write for children. To help them accept others that are different. We are all the same, we just may have different colored skin, we may have disabilities or we may just be shy and not able to make friends as fast as others. We all deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Children are our future and we must teach them empathy, kindness and inclusion, especially in todays harsh world. Writing a childrens book was something that I never thought I would embark on. When I discovered my creative, art side in 2019, it led me to my book, Mingo N Bumble. A book for children talking about inclusion and acceptance and friendship.

The making of Mingo N Bumble

Writing has always been something I enjoyed like my diary, but as we age we let go of those things because we don’t have time or make time. When I write and share and recieve the comments that have helped people that is what keeps me going and keep writing.

I hope what I write people want to read and if I can help just one person, my writing is meaningful and helpful to that one. I am making an impact and that’s all I want to do.

I hope you’ve enjoyed your read and you keep coming back.

Leisure

A place I visited that felt like home.

beingmesober

What’s a place you visited that felt like home?

The first place I thought of was Grand Bend. As I was thinking that though, I had to ask myself, is it a feeling of home or a strong love for that place? Was it based on falling in love with my husband there, or was it a place that felt like home?

My husband had a cottage in Grand Bend – GB, when we first started dating and I had never been out that way in summers. Although it was a destination for high school kids, and still is, I stayed closer to home base in Wasaga. When he took me to his cottage and to the beach, I instantly fell in love. In love with the rustic shores of Lake Huron, the wild dunes, and the beautiful tropical colors of the lake. The sunsets were unreal! We had many good times there with our kids and family.

The downtown core of GB has changed a lot since 2006. It is gorgeous. They’ve revamped the hotels and have Air B N B boutiques on the main strip, plenty of places to eat and lots to do!  I feel like I’m writing a review for Google!

So yes, I’d have to say Grand Bend – GB feels like home in more ways then one ❤️

Some say their heart belongs in Texas, mine belongs in the GB. 🏖

Mental Health

The results of unresolved trauma….

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all ending summer looking forward to the change of season and welcoming Fall. A new season is always a fresh start. Letting go of unwanted relationships that don’t help you grow, taking that leap of faith and doing something you’ve been passionate about but haven’t dared to try yet or had time for it. Maybe it’s finally booking that appointment with the doctor, therapist or counselor you’ve been putting off.

I’d like to discuss some issues that come from unresolved childhood trauma as we grow and enter other relationships through life.

Doing something new or trying to change is scary and we all put it off but, think of what could be, imagine the life you could have if you just did that one thing. The results could be life changing for good or…..worse.

I’ve been a witness to people that haven’t dealt with childhood trauma. It is not ideal for anyone, especially for the one that is hurting unconsciously.

Even though you believe the trauma is gone and you’ve “put it past you”, it’s still there, buried in the subconscious mind. The mind gets triggered by actions from others or actions done by ourselves. We don’t realize or know the triggers but it comes out with a vengeance when we feel threatened or something has set them off.

We’ve been hurt by people that we trusted, people we loved and never thought they would do what they did. We don’t understand how or why. Even the person inflicting the hurt doesn’t realize what they are doing, until it’s done and they regret their anger, their hurtful words or their physical actions towards you. They beg to be forgiven and loved. They know they aren’t that person but they can’t seem to “help” it. It just happens. They have shame and quilt for how they hurt the ones they love. They feel worthless and unworthy. They think they can get better on their own. Their pride or ego or they close themselves off. “I don’t need a doctor!”

Their loved ones know the real person inside and want so bad for them to get help. They pray, they hope and they love again only to be back at the table listening to the apologies again and again.

The mentality or ego that keeps us from changing can destroy a life that was meant for so much better.

If my dad got therapy for his childhood trauma, maybe my mom and him would have stayed together. Maybe he would of loved my mom more than beer, maybe he wouldn’t of had 4 other wives, maybe he would of found love in the right people, not the ones who just wanted his money, maybe he could of been truly happy and maybe, he wouldn’t of died alone. 🙏

I wish he would have gotten help and spoke to a doctor. He would of known he had so much to offer and was so much more than his money, which he thought made him who he was. He lost out on so much while he was here. With me, my sister and my kids. He denied what he knew about himself and focused on the wrong things. He never got help.

Talking to someone to better your life is something to be proud of. Having the courage to see that you want to do and be better for yourself and those around you. Your taking accountability and being the change.  Stopping the cycle. Stopping the hurt. Don’t let your ego get in the way of a good life, a prosperous life and a life you can look back on with a smile and real pride.

Leisure, Mental Health

My favorite cartoon character…

beingmesober

Who is your favorite cartoon character?

SNOOPY!!! I’ve watched Charlie Brown growing up and have fond memories. Who doesn’t love Snoopy!

Incase you don’t know the story behind Snoopy and Charlie Brown, let me enlighten you.

Charlie Brown adopted Snoopy from the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm after Snoopy was returned from his first owners. How lucky both Charlie and Snoopy were to have found each other. They built a relationship full of love, loyalty and trust. The show was based on real life experiences by the artist, Charles Scultz and his dog Spike.

Charles didn’t have anyone really close to him, people made fun of him and he just had a rough time. His gf rejected him and he was left alone. Instead of turning that heartbreak and rejection into something worthless, he took it and made a comic about his life and his beloved dog Spike, aka – Snoopy. How incredible and inspirational.

Since 1950 Charlie Brown with Snoopy has been a comic and character on many television sets, that never died. Its filled homes with love, laughter and relatable content for some viewers to let them know, they’re not alone. What he did for himself and others is very selfless. He let strangers into his world and we had no idea it was actually based on the artist and his dog.

Sometimes we either take what comes at us and let it eat at us or we turn that rejection into something positive. Excellence on Charles part.

While I was writing this it reminded me of the prompt from yesterday, how your mindset can influence your financial success. Charles Scultz is a prime example of how cabaple we are to be successful even when you’ve been rejected your entire youth and young adult life. Turn that negative mind into a positive mind.

While he was silently creating and healing his inner child, he was helping so many other people and I’m not sure if Charles even realized how many he helped.

Thank you Mr. Scultz for your comics and cartoons and Snoopy ❤️

Mental Health

How does your mindset affect your financial success?

beingmesober

How does your mindset affect your financial success?

Ohhhhhh, that powerful organ in your head. That one that speaks to you. Telling you you’re a failure or a success.

Our minds can excel us or bring us to our knees. It can heal us or make us very ill. Its a vault of memories and learned skills. We train our brains and form habits and thoughts and some of us remember everything said and done to us.

Negative thoughts can impact your life and the people around you. If you keep telling yourself that you are weak, unsuccessful, ugly, fat, etc, you will be. Your thoughts become reality.  The people you choose to associate with can affect you as well.

Everyone is born to be successful in a way no one else is. Its unique to you. It doesn’t always have to be monetary, although that’s what todays topic is.

How much is determined by being financially successful? Some have very little and are successful. Successful in family, friends, helping others.

Your mind, if you listen to the negative, self sabotage, like I said will bring you to your knees. Its in you to be successful and rise above the negativity around you or in your mind.

We are all capable of being financially successful but it comes with work, determination, dedication and, the right mindset. If you tell yourself you will be successful and be “something” then you will.

If you’ve come from a place where people you love have emotionally abused you, know that what they say to you is not what you are. It is quite the opposite. I came from that and the words that were once said to me did impact how I saw myself and my success. I was told, I’m a failire, I will never amount to anything, I’m this and that. At times when something in my business went aray, which happens, I always blamed myself and those awful words came back to me circling in my mind. She was right, I’m a failure. Thats what I told myself until I finally realized, NO, I’m not! I’ve raised 2 beautiful kids, I ran a successful business and I’m a good wife. Those words are on them. Those words are how they feel about themselves.

You can have anything you want in this world if you just work hard, be grateful and honest. Be happy with who you are. Don’t listen to the harsh words that were never meant for you, don’t ever listen to the voice that tells you you can’t or your not worthy of it. Take whatever makes you happy and successful and run with it. Take your passion and make it grow.

Be kind to yourself and have faith in what you do. ✨️

What makes you rich is not always about money. Its just a state of mind.

Leisure, Pets

If my dog could talk, this is what she would say…

beingmesober

If your pet could talk, what would be the first thing it says?

Our golden retriever Gracie is so full of life. She has so much energy and is ready for any date. Her absolute favorite activity other than hunting for the perfect stick to demolish or playing hide and seek with her ball, her favorite activity is swimming.

The first thing Gracie would say is, “Take me to the beach!” Her absolute favorite is crashing the waves or chasing the birds until she realizes they win every time.

Gracie is our second Golden. Our first, Molly, was my sobriety emotional support and she did such an amazing job. She is now an angel with her earned wings.

Gracie came to us in 2023 and she is a beautiful AKC big ball of fluff and a cuddle bug.  We got her down in Florida before Christmas and she has brought so much joy to our life. Gracie is also a sort of therapy dog for our daughter in her recovery.

My husband asked after we lost our Molly, why and how could I go through another loss like we are with Molly? I said , because of all the love they give and coming home to a dog is something noone can describe, unless you own a dog. The greetings and happiness they show us. The instant we see them the world melts and it’s all about the pets and kisses. I have always had a dog. Not having one would be so miserable. Gracie keeps me active, she sits with me and keeps me company while the hubby works. She’s also a great listener.

If Gracie could talk, oh boy, I don’t think she’d ever stop lol. I think I prefer her little growls or moaning when she wants my attention.

Leisure, Mental Health

What being an Author has been like….

beingmesober

It’s funny labeling myself as an Author. I’ve had many labels, or worn many hats, in my career path. Some career choices I’ve made along the way haven’t been “the one”, and I’m okay with that. I’ve been able to experience so many valuable lessons and knowledge from those positions in my life.

I’ve been a hair stylist, creating hair styles. I’ve been a stay at home mom (favorite career choice btw), I was a school bus driver, so I could bring my kids with me and still earn an income. I then opened my own cleaning company and ran it successfully for 12 years. Employed 5 people and made a lot of customers happy. I’ve been a Real Estate Agent and loved every minute of it.

When I resigned from RE, it was because of a lifestyle change my husband and I had/have. Being away 6 months of the year in one place and 6 in the next was conflicting with RE so I resigned.

It was when Covid hit that I discovered my art which led me to wearing another hat of an Author of a published Children’s Book(s), one in the works.

I have to say it’s been totally different from anything I’ve done, but I know everything I’ve been through and done has led me to write. To help others. To send a message. To relate.

I want to spread messages of help. How to help. To encourage children. The young and vulnerable, vulnerable to too much. I want to instill good into the world and this is the way I can get my message to so many.

It’s a lot of work and it doesn’t just magically appear in schools, in parents hands or children’s hands. I myself have to get infront of people and share my message.

I was very nervous at first, reading to a large group of….children…I know, it should be easy but it was a tad scary. Anything new and good should make us a little scared. I got threw it and was relieved but proud. It was a great turn out and got my book into the library!

I love being an Author and creating stories. I also love being able to touch just one person, or many with my message of being kind, accepting others and friendship. My next book is about bullying. Based on a true story about me and my childhood dog Bonnie. I also hope to one day write a book about life’s challenges and sobriety. 

If you’re thinking of writing, I’m here to offer any advice I can!

Happy reading!

This is Being Me Sober

Mental Health

Learn to Love what you’ve been through…

beingmesober

My husband will say he feels sorry for me and my past. I always respond saying, “Don’t feel sorry for me. Thank you though for your concern and empathy.”

What I’ve been through has given me strength and resilience I never knew I had in me.

I’ve forgiven and tried my best to understand why the people who loved me the most could hurt me the most.

I’m a 70s born Gen X, who along with the others grew ourselves up. The latch key kids. The generation that went out and stayed out til the street lights came on. Our parents had no idea where we were. My grandmother always told me to keep a quarter in my pocket so I could call home if I was in trouble.

I love the generation I grew up in. We were so free.

That generation was still “quiet” though. No one  talked of abuse or mental health issues. It stayed in the home and we thought it was normal. When someone would speak of it, people would question their validity of the accusations. It wasn’t discussed in public, it was not acceptable to speak of such things.

I was 4 when I knew what I seen was very wrong. I was 8 when I said no more. I was 15 when I confronted my father and said what I thought. I was 18 when I was forced to be independent. 

I was the child that spoke up when I had enough. I was the teenager who spoke her truth and stood up for all women. I was the adult full of anger, secrets that were ready to be revealed, full of sorrow, defense and alcoholic.

I am now free. I am free of my past. Free of alcohol. Do I regret it? NEVER.

What we go through in life is what builds us. Either we do better and want better or we continue the same cycle for generations to come. I wanted way better for myself. The life I had growing up was something that taught me to respect myself, never let people hurt me physically or mentally, treat my children with love and support no matter what. It taught me that if and when I fell, I will get back up. My past taught me a lot and made me who I am and what I stand for.

There will always be people who have worse situations than us. Take what you’ve had and use it as a lesson. Do better and be better.

Don’t be sad or drown in it. Take it and use it to go forward and be successful. Take it and make it powerful and meaningful. Take it and change it.

Love the life you’ve been given. Only you can do that.

This is Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

Something I do completely different from how I was raised…

beingmesober

What’s something you do completely differently from how you were raised?

I have 2 very different parents. My dad was so young at heart and always wanted to have fun but instilled such good morals and values, he was easy going and easy to talk to and share anything with. My mom, yikes. She was very strict, quick tempered and closed minded. Not easy to speak to about pre-teen, teenage girl problems. She was abused as a child and with no therapy the trauma just continued down the line onto me. Until I did something different, nothing would change. I would continue the generations of abuse.

My father was also abused but he never directed that anger towards me, just his wives. Again, no therapy, trauma continues down the line along with alcoholism and mental health issues such as depression, anxiety etc.

I always made an oath with myself growing up. Number 1 – No man will ever abuse me or my children. Number – 2 – I will never mentally or physically abuse my children. I will be open and remember what it was like for me at that age. They will be well mannered and respect authority and their elders.

My parents both raised me to have manners and respect people. Don’t make fun or hurt others and do not lie. Always tell the truth. If you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all. The core morals and manners.

With my kids I raised them in a way that they could always count on me, they never have to question my judgement, they never have to wonder if I would leave them. I raised them to be strong adults and with good work ethic. I raised them to be who they wanted to be and to never question their ability of what was possible for them. I raised them to know that family is everything and no matter what we can always work it out. I raised them to get through the hard stuff together and don’t run, face it head on.

The hardest job in the world is being a parent. There’s no manual or You-Tube video to guide you through the next 50 + years of being a parent. Just because they turn 18, doesn’t mean we are done. Parenting ends the day we die. We do the best we can as parents and do better if we need to than our parents. We can not be selfish when we have children because as soon as they are born, it is about them, your second fiddle now for awhile.

I think I can be proud of the way I raised my Son and Daughter. They are polite, funny, open, good humans and my son is an amazing father to his 3 sons. We have a great relationship with each other and gotten through the tough times. There will be more to come, I know, but I also know we always find our way back to the good times.