Hello fellow warrior’s!
I hope you’re all striving everyday to be your best selves and helping and caring for others during these unfamiliar days in the world around us.
As some of my followers know, I have a daughter who is struggling to break free from this awful disease of addiction. Its been an issue with our family for the last 15 years and I am at my end.
She is now 30 and has been back at home for the last 3 years because my husband and I have been helping her through her journey of sobriety. Helping her build her life again.
Times are tough right now, rent is through the roof, food is barely affordable let alone supporting children if you have them. So we have allowed her to stay with us.
Its not working. She hasn’t yet been able to get to one year without relapses, she has been hiding it from us. Although she goes to work and is responsible, she just can’t seem to get it. She constantly keeps surrounding herself with what feels familiar. Not the sober ones. Not the ones that bring something to the table, just the ones that want to party.
I can see that she is trying and I do understand the disease because I’ve been through it and have 17 years under my belt. I know the urge and the voices that come and convince us we will be different this time, we won’t drive, we won’t go to jail, we won’t drink to blackout, I got this. NO! No we don’t got this if we are not willing to change our entire lifestyle and stop drinking or drugging.
Shes been through so much trauma but the trauma was caused by drinking and putting herself in these environments and consequences of her choices.
It feels like I’m a mouse on a spinner, going in circles again and again. I know I’m also allowing this to happen because we are always rescuing her, we keep trying.
The truth is I’m terrified to let her go. I’m terrified of what will happen but I know I, we have too before she takes us all down. We have to live our lives in peace and calmness. I need my life back.
I’ve asked her to start saving for a place and gave her a date of October that she needs to have a place of her own. She needs to know that there’s no safety net anymore. We are holding her back by allowing her to continue to relapse and have absolutely no repercussions.
Fear is horrible when it comes to your children. The what ifs. Fear also holds us hostage. It holds us back. Letting her go is what we have to do for us as well as her. She will never grow being under our control, as she puts it, she won’t go further because we’ve always saved her.
Its time I save myself, time I give her the room to do as she pleases without having to explain herself to us or feeling as if she will be on the street. Maybe she will do better having her own space, having to pay for a roof over her head, be more accountable. Maybe she will finally see the right way.
No matter when your children move out for whatever reason its torture. Our hearts cry and want too hold and keep them forever but we have to let go, we have to let them be free to be responsible and accountable for the choices they make. My heart aches as I write this because I have made a tough decision, one I must stick too. Not just for my daughter but for me and those around me.
I’ve done my work, its up to her to do hers.
Making this decision is so hard for parents, spouses, friends, but its one that needs to be made when your dealing with someone close to you that is struggling with addiction. If you’re in this situation, sit down with them and make a plan, set boundaries and stick to them. If you’re caught up in the chaos no one can help anyone. You’re all in this circle that has no exit until you make the hard decision to stop letting their addiction run your life.
This is, Being Me Sober
Being Me Sober 