Tag: addiction

Leisure, Mental Health

Managing Stress!

beingmesober

How do you manage stress?

Let’s face it, life has become more stressful in the last few years. Outside factors contribute to everyone’s stress. Especially in the last while, with food, gas, interest rates increasing and showing no signs of improving anytime soon.

Once you are home from work or whatever you’re doing outside the home, you come home to possibly more stress. It could be something as simple as tripping on the rug when you walk through the front door. All those stress moments in the back of your mind suddenly blow! Someone watching may think you need a bit of anger control but its the stress that we build up in ourselves that the smallest thing sets it off.

I used to hibernate my feelings and just pretend that everything was fine. It made everything so much bigger than it actually was because I wasn’t dealing with it. I drank, I stayed quiet, I hid, and I suffered and the people around me also suffered.

Today, I acknowledge the stress. What can I do about it? Can I control the situation? Is continuously thinking about it doing anything? Lastly, Is it my problem to figure out?

Stress can do so many negative things to our bodies and mind. It needs to be acknowledged and dealt with right away. It takes years off your life and makes you very unhappy. It takes away your potential and presence.

Let the situation come, analyze and move on. Talk to someone about it if its more serious. Use breath work to calm your nerves. Put your favorite music on if you can. Take 5 and remove yourself from the situation. Grab a pen and paper and write out what you want to say or do and tear it up. Sit quietly and release what doesn’t serve you.

Take what you can control and leave the rest. Don’t waste your life on stressing over things that wouldn’t matter a day or month from now.

Mental Health

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving 🍂

beingmesober

As you can see from my title, it’s Thanksgiving here in Canada. The weather has been absolutely beautiful and we were able to enjoy the outdoors while our company was here.

Our company has left and my husband is enjoying football and resting his knee, 3 week post full knee replacement. I have to say we’ve been getting along really well and he’s improving everyday. Pain is minimal if not gone, just achy and tired. Take care of your knees!

I’m sitting outside on my front porch looking at the bay, Georgian Bay, listening to music with Gracie, my golden. I’m thinking about where I’ve been, in my mind and heart. At the age of 16, my heart was broken. All I wanted to do was die. Not knowing then at such a young age, you really don’t want to die, you want those feelings to die, that pain in your heart and in the pit of your stomach. How will you ever live through this? Oh that awful feeling or feelings that seem to take forever to leave. All you want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out.

Those feelings are real. They show you love and hurt but also making you strong. I hated when people said that to me, whatever Linda! Those Linda’s were absolutely right!  Unfortunately, if your young it will take years for you to realize. One day when you’re in your 50s and you have a moment you may think about this and say, ya, she’s right.

Whatever you go through at times it may feel like you just want out, out of this life…DON’T! Go to a safe, quiet place and cry your heart out or go to the gym and work that shit out!

Don’t let those feelings take you or make you a person afraid to open your heart.

As I sit and look at the bay, I’m so thankful this Thanksgiving that I have taken all of my heartaches and let downs and let them build strength and character for me. All the hurt has taught and allowed me to decide who and what I want around me and my family. I have not allowed it to destroy me, though at times I did attempt and for this I am forever grateful that I did not succeed and neither did my relationship with alcohol.

I’m thankful for the family my husband and I have built and what we’ve accomplished together and what’s yet to come.

I’m most thankful that I am here.

This is Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

My personal Mantra…

beingmesober

What’s a personal mantra or philosophy you live by?

The first time and place I heard it was in AA, one of our mantras.

“Yesterday is gone, Tomorrow is not promised, Today is all we have”.

It’s what I live by. I can’t do anything about yesterday, what I did or what I said, all I can do is learn from any mistakes I made and move on.

We are not promised to wake up tomorrow, it’s all up to the plan, yes, there’s a life plan.

Today, today is all we have. Focus on the day and control what you can. Be grateful for those in your life and the life your living. If you’re not happy with work, a relationship, then change it. Use today to change tomorrow. Don’t stress over things you don’t know the outcome. Don’t role-play in your mind all the what ifs. Live and like I’ve told my kids, “Just do the best you can.”

Mental Health

The results of unresolved trauma….

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all ending summer looking forward to the change of season and welcoming Fall. A new season is always a fresh start. Letting go of unwanted relationships that don’t help you grow, taking that leap of faith and doing something you’ve been passionate about but haven’t dared to try yet or had time for it. Maybe it’s finally booking that appointment with the doctor, therapist or counselor you’ve been putting off.

I’d like to discuss some issues that come from unresolved childhood trauma as we grow and enter other relationships through life.

Doing something new or trying to change is scary and we all put it off but, think of what could be, imagine the life you could have if you just did that one thing. The results could be life changing for good or…..worse.

I’ve been a witness to people that haven’t dealt with childhood trauma. It is not ideal for anyone, especially for the one that is hurting unconsciously.

Even though you believe the trauma is gone and you’ve “put it past you”, it’s still there, buried in the subconscious mind. The mind gets triggered by actions from others or actions done by ourselves. We don’t realize or know the triggers but it comes out with a vengeance when we feel threatened or something has set them off.

We’ve been hurt by people that we trusted, people we loved and never thought they would do what they did. We don’t understand how or why. Even the person inflicting the hurt doesn’t realize what they are doing, until it’s done and they regret their anger, their hurtful words or their physical actions towards you. They beg to be forgiven and loved. They know they aren’t that person but they can’t seem to “help” it. It just happens. They have shame and quilt for how they hurt the ones they love. They feel worthless and unworthy. They think they can get better on their own. Their pride or ego or they close themselves off. “I don’t need a doctor!”

Their loved ones know the real person inside and want so bad for them to get help. They pray, they hope and they love again only to be back at the table listening to the apologies again and again.

The mentality or ego that keeps us from changing can destroy a life that was meant for so much better.

If my dad got therapy for his childhood trauma, maybe my mom and him would have stayed together. Maybe he would of loved my mom more than beer, maybe he wouldn’t of had 4 other wives, maybe he would of found love in the right people, not the ones who just wanted his money, maybe he could of been truly happy and maybe, he wouldn’t of died alone. 🙏

I wish he would have gotten help and spoke to a doctor. He would of known he had so much to offer and was so much more than his money, which he thought made him who he was. He lost out on so much while he was here. With me, my sister and my kids. He denied what he knew about himself and focused on the wrong things. He never got help.

Talking to someone to better your life is something to be proud of. Having the courage to see that you want to do and be better for yourself and those around you. Your taking accountability and being the change.  Stopping the cycle. Stopping the hurt. Don’t let your ego get in the way of a good life, a prosperous life and a life you can look back on with a smile and real pride.

Leisure, Mental Health

What being an Author has been like….

beingmesober

It’s funny labeling myself as an Author. I’ve had many labels, or worn many hats, in my career path. Some career choices I’ve made along the way haven’t been “the one”, and I’m okay with that. I’ve been able to experience so many valuable lessons and knowledge from those positions in my life.

I’ve been a hair stylist, creating hair styles. I’ve been a stay at home mom (favorite career choice btw), I was a school bus driver, so I could bring my kids with me and still earn an income. I then opened my own cleaning company and ran it successfully for 12 years. Employed 5 people and made a lot of customers happy. I’ve been a Real Estate Agent and loved every minute of it.

When I resigned from RE, it was because of a lifestyle change my husband and I had/have. Being away 6 months of the year in one place and 6 in the next was conflicting with RE so I resigned.

It was when Covid hit that I discovered my art which led me to wearing another hat of an Author of a published Children’s Book(s), one in the works.

I have to say it’s been totally different from anything I’ve done, but I know everything I’ve been through and done has led me to write. To help others. To send a message. To relate.

I want to spread messages of help. How to help. To encourage children. The young and vulnerable, vulnerable to too much. I want to instill good into the world and this is the way I can get my message to so many.

It’s a lot of work and it doesn’t just magically appear in schools, in parents hands or children’s hands. I myself have to get infront of people and share my message.

I was very nervous at first, reading to a large group of….children…I know, it should be easy but it was a tad scary. Anything new and good should make us a little scared. I got threw it and was relieved but proud. It was a great turn out and got my book into the library!

I love being an Author and creating stories. I also love being able to touch just one person, or many with my message of being kind, accepting others and friendship. My next book is about bullying. Based on a true story about me and my childhood dog Bonnie. I also hope to one day write a book about life’s challenges and sobriety. 

If you’re thinking of writing, I’m here to offer any advice I can!

Happy reading!

This is Being Me Sober

Mental Health

Learn to Love what you’ve been through…

beingmesober

My husband will say he feels sorry for me and my past. I always respond saying, “Don’t feel sorry for me. Thank you though for your concern and empathy.”

What I’ve been through has given me strength and resilience I never knew I had in me.

I’ve forgiven and tried my best to understand why the people who loved me the most could hurt me the most.

I’m a 70s born Gen X, who along with the others grew ourselves up. The latch key kids. The generation that went out and stayed out til the street lights came on. Our parents had no idea where we were. My grandmother always told me to keep a quarter in my pocket so I could call home if I was in trouble.

I love the generation I grew up in. We were so free.

That generation was still “quiet” though. No one  talked of abuse or mental health issues. It stayed in the home and we thought it was normal. When someone would speak of it, people would question their validity of the accusations. It wasn’t discussed in public, it was not acceptable to speak of such things.

I was 4 when I knew what I seen was very wrong. I was 8 when I said no more. I was 15 when I confronted my father and said what I thought. I was 18 when I was forced to be independent. 

I was the child that spoke up when I had enough. I was the teenager who spoke her truth and stood up for all women. I was the adult full of anger, secrets that were ready to be revealed, full of sorrow, defense and alcoholic.

I am now free. I am free of my past. Free of alcohol. Do I regret it? NEVER.

What we go through in life is what builds us. Either we do better and want better or we continue the same cycle for generations to come. I wanted way better for myself. The life I had growing up was something that taught me to respect myself, never let people hurt me physically or mentally, treat my children with love and support no matter what. It taught me that if and when I fell, I will get back up. My past taught me a lot and made me who I am and what I stand for.

There will always be people who have worse situations than us. Take what you’ve had and use it as a lesson. Do better and be better.

Don’t be sad or drown in it. Take it and use it to go forward and be successful. Take it and make it powerful and meaningful. Take it and change it.

Love the life you’ve been given. Only you can do that.

This is Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

My 5 favorite apps on my phone…

beingmesober

What are your favorite 5 apps on your phone?

My favorite 5 apps are…..drum roll please 🥁

#1 –  Should I say Jetpack? Lol. It is in my top 5 but not #1.

#1 –  Deezer. Its my music app. Its the app I go to when I’m done my coffee and ready to start my day. It plays on our Bose system throughout the house and outside! I’m never without music unless we are eating dinner and settling in for the night.

#2 – Tik Tok. I enjoy that app for the new musicians, again music, I discover while scrolling and seeing people from around the world. Time spent on the app, no longer than 30 min.

#3 – Instagram. That’s where I share my Art and my books. I’m a children’s Author and like to use that platform to get my message out about diversity, kindness and friendship.  I try to stay diligent and post to help brand Storyberry Books. You can find my published book Mingo N Bumble anywhere books are sold.

#4 – Pinterest. That’s where I spend maybe too much time? Nah! Any interest is on Pinterest!! My design soul gets a little attention too.

And finally #5 – Very Fit Watch app. Keeps track of my sleep, steps and heart rate. I will have heart palpitations sometimes due to anxiety or panic or nothing at all, and I like to check my Heart rate to make sure I’m not dropping over. I also like to have competitions with my hubby on steps. He cheats because he goes to the gym lol 😆.  The steps are also good to keep me active. My goal is to get atleast 8000 steps a day and usually get 10,000!!

Whatever your favorite apps are, always be aware of time spent on these apps. Too much of anything is never good.

Here is a good article about scrolling and Apping.

The Psychology of the Scroll: How Social Media Quietly Rewires Your Mood, Focus, and Self‑Worth

Happy Appy..

Leisure, Mental Health

A time Machine speaking to my past self and what I would say..

beingmesober

If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?

Dear Self,

Let. it. Go.

Focus on what you have in front of you.  Give time to those who give the same time to you. Don’t blame yourself for others choices.

Leisure, Mental Health

One life changing tip…

beingmesober

If you had to give one life-changing tip, what would it be?

The one life changing tip I would offer is giving up alcohol.

When you make a change such as giving up alcohol you will notice huge changes over time.

Sleep quality, quiet mind, savings, no hangovers, more motivation, priorities change, healthy heart and liver, no shame, no explaining, more love for yourself, better mood. There is so much more to not drinking and removing it from your life.

Many people think it makes life boring, it’s the complete opposite. Waking up every morning feeling fresh and functional is worth removing the alcohol.

Give it a try, not for just a month, try 6 months then another 6 months. You will be questioning yourself whether you really do want to pick up the drink. You may enjoy the clear mornings and an amazing sleep. You may enjoy all the extra energy and the amazing feeling of LIFE!

Who am I to say tho, I only have 17 years alcohol free under my belt and I am loving life!

Leisure, Mental Health

Are we shaped by experiences or by who we are?

beingmesober

Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?

Are we shaped by experiences or who we are? Both.

Some heavy experiences in life shape our future and who we become for sure. Sets our nervous system. Fight or flight. PTSD, traumatic stress leaves scars, some to never repair. Shapes what we think and who or what we become as adults.

Certain experiences shape who we become. Whether for good or bad.

We as humans learn through watching. Learned behavior which shapes who we are. 

My son being abused by his father verbally and physically left deep scars and who he is today at 33 years young. His anger is still present and his words at times are valgur.  I’ve tried for years to help him but to no avail it’s embedded in him. Without therapy it will continue. I often wondered if I could have left the marriage sooner maybe my son wouldn’t be as scared. I’m happy to report he is an amazing father and doesn’t mistreat his boys or wife. The trigger is there and the switch can flip at anytime.  Hopefully with support and our endless talks he will settle. His experiences definitely affected who he became.

My life experiences definitely shaped who I became. I became the change. The one who broke the chain of abuse and alcoholism. I became the black sheep of my family speaking the truth and not being blind to who certain people were. Speaking the truth left me somewhat alone but I knew what I was doing was helping my scars and becoming who I was born to be. It left me strong and capable of overcoming.

I’m now helping my daughter with her trauma and addiction for everything that has shaped her into the young 30 year old she is.  She is now in therapy and it’s going well. She is slowly becoming the sweet girl she was before all the experiences she has been through.  I will continue to break the chain and circle of alcoholism and abuse in our family.

I knew before having children,  I was going to be everything to them and help shape their life as best I could. To be successful, to love with all their heart and be a good person. To be there for them always, to not abuse them like I was abused as a child, and to not live a life of domestic violence. I would never let that happen. Unfortunately I did end up back in the violence and alcoholism but I never let it change me inside. It may have changed who I was for a short time but I came out on top and used those experiences to help me today with my own kids.

Although the past desicions and home life had a part in who I would have been I used those experiences to my advantage today. I use them to share on here and with my kids. To show them we can do better. Its up to you to decide what you do with what comes along.

Will you concour or let those experiences determine or shape who you were born to be?