What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
I’ve made quite a few heavy decisions in my 55 years of life. Some really good and easy to decide and some took years to go forward with the decision.
One of the hardest and best decisions was to leave my first marriage. Abusive, alcohol and cheating done by the man I thought was good. All the wrongs people do in a marriage. I felt stuck because I was a stay at home mom which meant, no job, no income. I had jobs here and there but my main focus was my children. I couldn’t leave, I felt hopeless so I started to drink to be able to face this person who was ruining our lives. I couldn’t stand to be there in that marriage and felt alone and shattered. Drinking did not help.
5 years I struggled to get out with my 2 children and run as far away as I could from that life. Ive never been so full of anger, rage, quilt and hopelessness, with nowhere to go.
In 2004 I finally, after a huge fight on Fathers Day, I screamed for a divorce and stuck to it. It was time. No matter what happened, we had to leave this person before I was dead or in jail. I could no longer drink to stay or put on a strong front anymore. I was done and made my decision.
It was hard on the children but I knew as long as I had my children, I could make it. I mean this is nothing new when it came to the chaos I grew up in. Leaving was the best decision I could make for everyone involved. For myself and my children. No way were they going to grow up in a dysfunctional abusive home. This cycle had to change.
Im here today, above the dirt, and my children, adults now are getting through. My son has had lingering trauma from his father as well as my daughter but together we’ve gotten better. We made it out and are happy and free.
I will never regret making the decision I did. Staying in a marriage for kids or because you might feel like a failure is no reason to stay where you fear for your lives. We all have choices and decisions to make. Make a decision based on happiness health or anything that’s going to be good for you and support the life you want.
Being Me Sober 