Patience…

Patience? Who has that these days? Me? Yes, but it isn’t always easy.

When I was drinking I didn’t even know how to possibly have patience, it was now, in the moment no matter the outcome of my actions.

Slowly and soberly over the years I have learned to have more patience and stand back and be alone with my thoughts and deal with them as they come.  It still is hard at times but I have the right tools, mindset and support to be able to accept and deal.

Dealing with our emotions in the past was easy right, we would pop a bottle to get the strength we thought we needed to help us through the emotional state we were in. Our emotions would then be heightened making everything look worse than what it really was or we drank until we thought we were the right/wrong ones and we were going to tell whoever it was how it was going to be!

I know I would have done that. The emotional turmoil of the constant let down of people or circumstances in my life led me to be someone that I didn’t want to be. I would be trapped with my own mind, wondering why the people I loved the most would hurt me so bad, not once, not twice but all the time. I let them do that to me. I kept going back. Like an abused person. I never had the strength mentally or physically to stop the hurt or stop the actions put on to me by others who just didn’t really have my best interest at heart or didn’t appreciate me as much as I did them.

I’m sure it has astonished a lot of people by not putting up with their behavior anymore. Not falling to pieces when they hurt me again, no more drunken phone calls or drunken freak outs, or giving them one more chance. I now sit silently and think things through, soberly, and I communicate to my husband about what is bothering me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy, but being sober helps me to really see the people or things that are hurting me or those around me.

A sober mind let’s us be at peace when we have dealt with the emotions. We make a decision or choice and we can actually stick to it. We no longer carry the anger with us, I actually pity the people that behave the way they do. Why don’t they get help?

I have been and will be confronted by situations in my life, but now I deal with them in a healthy way. As I said, I sit and think and wait to react if I do at all. Is it worth it to say or do anything? Is what I am wanting to do or say at that immediate moment when my emotions are in a fragile state. Those are the questions I ask myself. You must assess the situation first, sort through and stop your immediate thought to REACT, I am patient and really make sure I am doing the right thing before I react or I may decide to stay silent and do and say nothing at all.  The people or things in your life that cause you to react in a negative or unhealthy way are not worth it.

Why I went back to these situations, it was either I felt sorry for the person or I thought I needed them in my life. Being a forgiving person does have it’s down falls. Over the last few years I slowly started to realize their needs and behavior were just to much for me to handle. I couldn’t handle their manipulative ways and I could see the real person behind the mask.

The last few months have been a test for me to see how strong I really am. Just when I start to feel sorry, again, I just sit and wait silently. It’s like chess, wait to see if they will take you down with one smart move. We are smarter than them now, we make the decision of whether we will let them or give them a chance to hurt us again. I waited and sat quietly and I got the answer that I always knew deep down. They are not there for me, it’s about them. Always has been and always will be. I stopped the cycle by patiently waiting to see their next move.

This is another reason why I am so happy to be sober and stop the merry go round of chaos.

Before reacting to situations in your life be patient and watch, listen and sit quiet. You will get the answer you need all in good time.

This is, Being Me Sober