Reflecting….

Today is May 24th 2017 and as I sit in our backyard oasis, I’m reflecting on how far I, we have come in my sobriety and life. I say we because it is a joint effort for all involved with my and your sobriety. They’ve gained just about as much as we have in the journey of being me sober.

Tomorrow marks 8 years of sobriety for me. I can not say enough about how much sobriety ROCKS!!!! 

When I approach another year I always look back and remember where and who I was. Each year however is different, if you dare to believe it,  I become stronger, more self assured, less insecurities, less anxious, more and more complete, and most of all, happy. 

Gosh, 8 years ago I went on my last bender. It was a doozy let me tell ya! I drank, binged, for about 20 hours straight. I fell face first, not the first time, into the garden bed. I made a fool of myself infront of my son, daughter and my now step children. I drank all my daughters friends mom’s rye and yelled at her for telling me to stop drinking, “really? I said, “that’s funny coming from you.” Was I that cruel? I woke up my father at 3am in Florida to come get me. I swore it was over with me and my now husband. I went back home and downed my anti depressant pills. I wanted to die. I needed a doctor. I need help. I want to die. I thought it was all going to pass over. 

It was May 24th 2009 that I checked myself into the hospital to get help. To get away from these people. To get as far away from them as possible. They can’t see me like this, they deserve so much better than me! I’m ashamed of myself, I’m so full of rage, I want to die. I told them to get away from me, that I wanted nothing to do with them. Hope they will listen, I thought, then I can be alone. I want to die. 

I was put in the emergency room with charcoal and a bucket. Ugh gosh, that sucked! I just want to sleep. I’m so exhausted. 

There was a doctor that came in and asked a bunch of questions which I am fuzzy on, but I think I gave him the gist of why and what I was doing there. I was starting to surrender.  I was starting to succum to my disease and allow myself to let go. I want to be sober, I want to be happy, I want to be me again.

I begged my boyfriend to forgive me and take me back and made a promise to our children that I would never drink again, I kept that promise! 

I want to live and be free.

This is Being Me Sober.