Wonder….

This disease we call alcoholism is and was confusing. I often sit and wonder or talk to my husband about how I came to be an alcoholic. If I had married him first, would I have become an alcoholic? If I wasn’t in an abusive marriage that lead me to drink more than I should have. To escape the thoughts of knowing my ex was cheating and not being able to prove it and he making me feel like I was crazy. If I didn’t find him so disgusting that I craved to just get loaded and escape.

I don’t know when it triggered that I lost control of my drinking. I just know wine, beer, whatever booze there was, was my go to and coping mechanism for many years.

Is it possible that I wouldn’t of become an alcoholic if I met and had kids with my now husband instead of what and who I did marry? Is it just in our genes that one day it just hits?

I often wonder, if I could go back with the amazing husband I have now, would it be different? Would I be able to drink like a normal person? Or would I have the same result just in a different way or outcome.

I do know one thing, if I could go back I wouldn’t pick up a drink to test it out.

I don’t like to wonder where I would be now if my husband and kids didn’t save me from myself.

This is Being Me Sober…