This disease we call alcoholism is and was confusing. I often sit and wonder or talk to my husband about how I came to be an alcoholic. If I had married him first, would I have become an alcoholic? If I wasn’t in an abusive marriage that lead me to drink more than I should have. To escape the thoughts of knowing my ex was cheating and not being able to prove it and he making me feel like I was crazy. If I didn’t find him so disgusting that I craved to just get loaded and escape.
I don’t know when it triggered that I lost control of my drinking. I just know wine, beer, whatever booze there was, was my go to and coping mechanism for many years.
Is it possible that I wouldn’t of become an alcoholic if I met and had kids with my now husband instead of what and who I did marry? Is it just in our genes that one day it just hits?
I often wonder, if I could go back with the amazing husband I have now, would it be different? Would I be able to drink like a normal person? Or would I have the same result just in a different way or outcome.
I do know one thing, if I could go back I wouldn’t pick up a drink to test it out.
I don’t like to wonder where I would be now if my husband and kids didn’t save me from myself.
This is Being Me Sober…
“I do know one thing, if I could go back I wouldn’t pick up a drink to test it out.”- Yes, that’s the most important thing.! I finally stopped all the questioning in my head about “when”. Just took up too much space and energy. And got me nowhere. 🙂
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Sometimes I wonder those things, but my years of struggle make me the Anne I am today. And I like this person. I have true empathy and compassion.
Whatever our struggles were…they sucked and I wouldn’t choose them…but they forged my heart.
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We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. But if we could go back, we’d probably never walk through it to begin with. Great post!
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