It was 1989, I was 19, and working as a night audit and front desk in a hotel, located in Mississauga, Ontario.
I was at the front desk one evening when Meat Loaf, the band came into the hotel. I was amazed that they were there! Meat Loaf, an iconic band who sang the incredibly famous song, Bat outta Hell. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends who I met!
All of a sudden the drummer, John Miceli, asked me if I wanted to go on a date. Oh my, seriously I thought. I jokingly said yes and gave him my address and phone number, thinking, ya right, he’s never gonna call someone like me. Wouldn’t you know he actually called and asked me out for dinner! I said, NO! I told him my boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate me going to dinner with another man. Was I nuts or just a totally dedicated girlfriend. Little of both I guess. Scared and nervous as well. I guess not that scared or I wouldn’t have given him my address and phone number.
Christmas came along and I actually got a Christmas card from him. I wish I had it today. 1989 was a long time ago and I’ve moved so many times since then and probably got lost in one of those moves. I will always remember that day though and feel very honored to have been asked out by such a famous person.
The card may have been lost but the memory and moment will never be. I hold it in my heart dearly. I also love telling the story of someone so famous and iconic asking little ol me out on a date!
There are so many good, great, things about owning and raising a pet. I’m a dog person, not that I don’t love all animals, but I just prefer dogs. So, let’s go on shall we?
It’s taken a long time for humans to see and understand animals and their emotional attachment and support they provide for us.
I’ve written about my emotional support/sobriety dog, Molly, who was with me for the first 10 years of my recovery journey. What an impact she made on me and our family. Molly read my emotions before I could. She filled that void, listened, and supported me when I was at my lowest and highest.
I’ve also written about my childhood dog, Bonnie, and have written a book about it (not published…yet) here in my Chapter book on this site 😀! Bonnie, also made an impact on my life at an early age. She was my protector and guardian.
No matter what type of animal you have, the pure connection you feel when you have a pet, is not only great for your emotional well-being but also has many health benefits.
Pets are a great addition to any family as long as they are well cared for. Any pet requires a lot of time and attention. They have feelings just like us 😊 so, remember to be kind.
Their life may not be as long as ours but when they are here with us, it is worth every tear when their time has come. They leave behind such love and memories.
I was making friends and living a good life with my dad. The nights were quiet and peaceful. I didn’t see my mom for quite some time during the first year or so with my dad, and was told she didn’t want to see me. I now know she was hurt and angry that I left her and went to the man who hurt her so badly. I can imagine the hurt that she must have felt when I left but how could I have stayed with the abuse? Even at the age of 8 I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. I felt alone and scared. Those feelings were becoming distant to me. My dad never hit me or said anything cruel to me. He was understanding and spoke to me with calmness and questioned why I did things. He didn’t yell or hit. He enjoyed music and had a good time with friends and family when they would visit. There was a lot of drinking but I didn’t understand what it meant when he drank. I just saw him as happy, so loving, and having a great time. He played music every Saturday morning while cleaning, Pink Floyd, Supertramp, Led Zeppelin, etc. I was raised on really good music! Young and fun! My dad was only 19 years older than me so he was still a kid while raising one. His famous line was I’m here for a good time, not a long time. Famous line! Aren’t we all?
It was 1980, I was 10, I remember my dad’s gf one day, yelling, “We sold the house!” I asked her what she meant and she said we were moving. They bought a beautiful new home, a detached in a new subdivision and they were so excited. A new home for both of them to start fresh and have a home they bought together to build a life.
I started a new school, again! I was a pro at this point. Our new home was really nice and big. My dad promised to put a swimming pool in for me so I had something to do in the summer. The property was a corner lot so it was quite large and dad made it so nice. His gf taught me how to garden, I hated weeding but I was being taught how to do things. I’m thankful for those chores today.
My dad drove a truck for a living and worked for a company called Mowet for years. He and his gf started their own trucking company when we moved into the new home. He needed a truck but couldn’t afford anything extravagant. He drove loads to NY with no heat or air. I would lie in my bed at night and pray to win the lottery so he could buy a new truck and not freeze or boil during his runs to the states. He’d be gone for 2 to 3 days at a time so it would be just me and his gf. We had so much fun. We would go shopping, to the movies, or watch our favorite shows together. But I started feeling left out when my dad would get home. I felt like I was being ignored. It was hard being an only child and all I wanted was a brother or sister.
Soon after we moved into our new home my dad and his gf got married. I was in school and was called out along with my cousin because we had a wedding to go to. I was on cloud nine. I loved his gf so much, she was a mom to me that I didn’t have. She was gentle and caring. Shortly after they were married, my wish was granted. My dad’s wife had become pregnant. I was so so excited to be having a brother or sister. My life was so good. In 1982 my sister was born. I thought she was the best. I did everything for her and protected her like she was my own. If anyone hurt her I was there to defend. I took her everywhere with me when I could.
I cannot clearly remember when it started. The shouting and crying I would wake up too late at night. I could hear my dads angry voice, and I could hear his wife begging him to stop hurting her. He was chocking her up against the wall. She was crying I can’t breathe. Please stop, she would beg for her life.
I would creep down the stairs and listen to them talking when he came too out of his blackout rage. He would cry and apologize for hurting her and beg for her forgiveness. I was shaking, I was scared, my heart was racing and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew I couldn’t come out of my room and that if he caught me listening I would be in big trouble, but I had to go and see what was happening. I heard him talking about his childhood and how awful it had been. His wife would comfort him and tell him he couldn’t do that and needed help with counseling, she would tell him over and over how much she loved him, and she would never leave or hurt him in the way his ex did or his mom.
I was hiding all these secrets and living in fear unknowingly. Living with feelings I didn’t know and didn’t know how to deal with them. I didn’t tell anyone because for some reason I knew not to. Was it fear, or did I think this is how it was? I remember thinking to myself many times, no man would ever treat me this way. I was very angry and on defense. Flight or fight or freeze. I froze.
It was nothing unusual for me, the fighting. My dad and uncle would fight when they played cards. My dad accused my uncle of cheating and fists were flying. Things were breaking and people were yelling. Me and my cousins would hide in the closet and stare at each other in fear like a deer in headlights waiting for the hit. My grandfather was actually pushed one night into the fish tank and it broke and all I remember was water going everywhere. The yelling. The anger. The faces of them all in the midst of it all. FEAR.
Fighting and yelling, that was a normal way of life for me, as well as the rest of the family. This was how my family dealt with conflict.
I was starting to become afraid of my dad and what was going to happen when he returned home from work. I started to enjoy being with just my stepmom and sister. Just us. Anytime he was home my stomach was in knots. Or if I was out with friends I was nervous to go home because I thought I would be in trouble, for what I didn’t know, I was just scared.
I was becoming more violent and expressing my emotions through rage and destruction. I would rip closet doors off or kick holes in the walls, or simply run. Run away, not knowing where I would go but I just wanted to run. I couldn’t handle my emotions properly and my stepmom was nervous about how I was behaving. She didn’t know the past and what he had done to my mom or what I had been through before she came into our lives. She knew that my mom had abandoned me, abused me for so many years, but to what extent? She didn’t understand that this was who my father was. A man with so much trauma that he would take it out on any woman who entered his life whom he loved. A woman represented hurt, pain, and abandonment to him and it came out when he drank.
The time my dad turned on me was during a party he was having. I was dancing with him in our basement that my grandfather and him had renovated. It was such a cool basement. We were having a great time until he stopped in the middle of our dance and asked if I was making fun of him. I laughed and said no daddy. The next thing I know he’s picking me up by the back of my pj’s, throwing me up the basement stairs, up the upstairs stairs and to my room. Threw me on my bed and slammed the door. I was so scared and upset. I wasn’t making fun of him, I was learning how to dance. How could I make fun when I was only 13 years old. I loved my dad so much and would never do that to him. I cried myself to sleep and once again self soothed. Nothing was ever mentioned about that night, I just knew to be very careful around my dad and to not make him angry.
We all need more time. Time for healing, time for family, time for yourself, time, time, time.
One thing you can’t do with time is go back. Unless it’s one hour every fall for some in the world. We can’t go back in time to change things that have happened. If only. If I could go back in time I could change so many things, but that isn’t what we are here for. We are here to change, teach and learn. We all wish we had more time for things that mean a lot to us. Life happens and we carry on until we look back and say, I wish I had more time.
The most important time is time spent on yourself. To improve, to love and to flourish. Time put into your health, physically and mentally. Time spent with the people you love.
Time doesn’t wait, so whatever you need time for, take it. Take the time you need.
The death of Princess Diana was a devastating event for so many. Her poor boys. The car crash that took her from the world. Took her and everything she did for so many around the world. She was compassionate and full of hope and love. Her dedication to the family, even though she was so lost. She had found happiness and in a second was taken out. After her death to see Prince Charles with the love of his life. Rumors were true that Charles and Camilla were lovers. Tragedy for so many around the world.
Going to the hockey game with my dad was a highlight. Watching the Toronto Maple Leafs live at age 8, what a memory. The players looked so much bigger than on TV when we watched the games at home. Every time hockey night in Canada plays that iconic song I go right back to childhood and watching the games with dad or falling asleep to that song when they had later games.
My dad had a new girlfriend when I moved in with him. The last one he told me he broke up with because she made me eat green beans every time I went to spend the weekend with him and she knew I didn’t like them. I remember that conversation. I remember feeling so special and protected. His new girlfriend was so nice. She was so pretty and fun. We lived in the same house that my parents bought together, so I was back in my bedroom and had my playroom again. We took pictures together with Bonnie our dog, each one having a turn, pictures of me and dad and ones with me and his girlfriend. My dad asked why I wasn’t smiling. I said because I was told to not show my teeth. He looked at me with a sad expression and said not to listen to them and to smile big, you’re so pretty he said. From that day on I smiled with all my teeth showing, not afraid of what anyone thought and I was happy because my dad was praising me instead of hurting me, making me feel sad or making me feel bad.
I finished off grade 4 at a new school, school number 5, when I moved back home. But once I was half way through the 5th year, the school and my father decided the best route was to have me put back in grade 4. My mom being Catholic, had me enrolled in Catholic School, going to church every Sunday and Sunday school for me for the 8 years I was with her. I am grateful for having God be present in my life, I certainly needed him going forward. My father being Protestant, I had to go to a public school. A whole other school system and learning system so that was their reasoning why I had to be put back in the 4th grade. I’m sure I was nervous and anxious about first, starting another new school then having to be put in a new class half way through the year. Thank goodness school is not run that way any longer.
My dad was having a hard time with me at the babysitters. I was being very aggressive and misbehaving. Not listening and acting out. My grade 4 report card said if I couldn’t get my point across verbally, I would get it across physically. It was a family joke for years. What I was doing was what I had learned and what I watched and how I was punished. I watched and learned that, this is how you communicate, through yelling and hitting.
I was getting better though, I stopped sucking my thumb at 9 years old. I was so excited. I ran to my dad’s room and told him. He was so proud of me. My sleep walking however wasn’t going away. I didn’t leave the house anymore like I did when my mom lived there, so that was a good thing. My mom had put a lock on the outside of my bedroom door so I couldn’t get out. I would walk all the way to the corner store. That was where my bus stop was so I imagine I was dreaming of having to go to school. The sleepwalking, latching on to my thumb for security, as well as the night terrors eventually stopped. I was feeling safe. I was happy and building a good relationship with my dad and his girlfriend. I was also very happy to be back with Bonnie. My ultimate protector. I knew nothing could happen to me if Bonnie was there.
School however was a challenge for me. I was a slow learner and had difficulties. I can still visualize my dad sitting with me at the table helping me with math and using fruit to assist us. He was very patient with me. He taught me how to clean, with after school chores, he taught me how to ice skate at the park on a pond that froze over. It was just a short walk. We’d gather our skates and walk and talk along the way. He taught me so much. I loved being with him. He was my best friend.
That is a hard question. I googled the phrase and this is what I found, life skills, and self care, blah blah blah. What should we know? We should know right from wrong. We should know politeness and respect. Respect is very lacking in this world today as well as authority. We should know race means just a different colour or religion. Not hatred. We should know alcohol and drugs is a mental illness not something people want to continue to do. Some of us just can’t get out, but we really want to. We should know kindness. We should know that sometimes peoples reactions to you on a certain day may have nothing to do with you but something happening in their life at the moment. So ask if they are okay, or is something wrong, or just smile and walk away and say a prayer for them.
People are people and some things we know they don’t. Some things are harder for people than others.
No matter what, everyone should know to respect, be kind and live with integrity, compassion and dignity. Help one another and live a life of love.
You have three magic genie wishes, what are you asking for?
My 1st wish would be, one that I always pray for is winning the lottery so, we could give our kids a home to raise their families in. My children have surpassed my age when I became a homeowner. It’s so difficult for young people to own their own home.
My 2nd wish would be to take away all the drugs, hard drugs that are killing our youth.
My 3rd wish would be for my other 2 wishes to come true.
Being Me Sober 