What is something you wish you could tell your 20-year-old self?
When I think back to when I was 20, it gives me butterflies and anxiety. The pit in my stomach thinking back to that time 36 years ago.
I was existing then. Lonely, alone and trying to understand things I couldn’t process.
I was in hair dressing school/beauty school! Living at my boyfriend’s with his parents. I had been couch surfing for a year at that time. When I look back I can’t believe the life I was living at such a young age. Being kicked out at 18, my father living in the States and no relationship with my mother. I didnt want to go to the States with my father because I didn’t want to go back to the life I had had with my father. The nights I would be woken up to the loud screams and yelling, begging him to stop, he was hurting her, my father abusing his wife. I couldn’t and wouldn’t go back.
My stepmother had sold our family home and moved with my sister. I had no relationship with either of them at that time. I never lost my up beat happy self. I just went through life in flight or fight mode.
What would I say to myself at 20?
This isn’t the only struggle you will have but you are strong and capable of great things. Trust your instincts and intuition. Don’t pick up that bottle of wine to escape your abusive marriage. Leave him. You’re not alone. You are worthy and loved.
You will have the proper people in your life and in time you will have the life you’ve always wanted. Stay strong and stay soft. Accept people and things the way they are and don’t make excuses for people that don’t deserve it. Be true and love yourself. Love yourself enough to have the wonderful life thats waiting for you. One day you will stop running. One day you will be at peace and have so much more life to live.
Being Me Sober 