Mental Health

Betrayal and Trust…..

I’m sure once in your life you have been betrayed by someone close to you. 

If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky. Lucky to have the security and trust in those close to you. 

I’ve been betrayed and insecure for 40 years of my life because of this.  Some have apologized and we have rebuilt our relationship and moved on from the mistakes that were made. 

My father once told me he envied me for my ability to  forgive and accept  apologies and move on from them.  Their/your actions going forward are proof that they/your truly  sorry.  When someone says sorry, you expect them to not let it happen again, right? Right! 

I wrote a blog about toxic people in your life, whether they are family members or friends and how they affect not only your life but the people around you and most importantly, your sober journey and mental health. When you are betrayed by someone you thought you could trust and held them close to your heart, it’s the worst kind. Someone you looked up to when you were a young child and throughout your life. People make mistakes, I get that, but when it happens again and again it’s time to analyze the real relationship you have or their motives and where their loyalties really lay!

Family is a big part of who I am as a person.  Families are suppose to have your back no matter what. Families are suppose to be your anchor. Families are suppose to make everything alright. I’m talking your mother, father, step-parents, sisters, brothers, and children. We all go through things with our families and mend fences and work through issues when someone makes a mistake. Sometimes we take a time out because of their behavior or actions they have committed. 

Is it right to have someone, someone you once looked at as a mother, ask you what is wrong and you share the issue with them, and they run back to the person you were upset about, and tell them what you said? This person has been apart of my family for 40 years and played the part of a mother because I had been estranged from my bio-mother at the age of 8. So my step mother became the mom I didn’t have while she was with my father and then after they separated. 

Yesterday she, (former step mother) asked me to come for coffee. We did that and a little shopping. Things seemed fine, no agenda. So I thought. She said she was concerned about mine and my siblings relationship, (her and my father have a daughter together). She asked what was wrong. She asked why I was being distant towards my sibling. I have been hurt many times in the past by my sibling. Like I said earlier, I forgive and try to move on and hope to repair any damage towards a healthy relationship, but, when it happens more than once I tend to put a wall up and protect myself from harsh words being thrown at me again for reasons unknown to me. I go back to them because they are my family and that is important to me and important for my children. If you don’t have family, what do you have? All I’ve ever longed for is a family that I can be proud of, to share all the good, the bad and triumphant milestones together. To be happy and feel connected and secure. Isn’t that what family is?

Due to this betrayal my sibling no longer wants me in her life or around her family. It’s not the first time she has done this and done it with venomous words. The wall I built between us was up for this very reason, but just a few bricks fell that’s all. 

I waited 36 years, to meet my future husband and  to have a family that I could trust and feel secure about. Family, that was there for me and my children , who’s there at the lowest points and high points, instead of walking away over and over like the rest of them. I’m tired of forgiving those who hurt me to my very core and allowing them in my life when they don’t have the/my best interests at heart. I’m tired of pulling the wool over my eyes, I’m tired of pretending they are someone they are not, I’m tired of the chaos. 

My husband has shown me what family is. They love, they trust and they surround me and our children with happy, good feelings and security. They don’t judge or betray. I am so thankful for him and his family. They were the ones with me and my children, at my worst and stuck by us and healed us inside and out. 

It is not as easy for me, as it seems to be for those who have walked away, to walk away from people that are suppose to be family, but there has to be a cut off when I say, “NO MORE”! In the end if I allow this to happen to us, I say us, because it doesn’t effect just me, it effects my family, my husband and our children. The damage done towards you effects everyone around you when things go crazy again. It also effects my sobriety and state of mind. It fills my mind with everything from the past and all those who have walked out on me and hurt me so deeply. I don’t want to feel these feelings. I let them rest when I laid the bottle to rest. 

I’m so thankful that I have the right people in my life now, I made my own family, ones who have made me stronger. Stronger to keep going. Stronger to let things and  people go on their own path and live their own chaos. I have a strong relationship with my bio-mom and she makes me stronger. We are closer than we have ever been in my 48 years.

Please don’t be sorry for me as I explain what I have in this blog today. I do not wish for pity. I wish for someone to be able to relate to the deception that could be in your own living room and to allow yourself the courage to say, “NO MORE”. 

People wear many hats and of all they wear, betrayal and untrustworthy is not one that I would put on my head. I am the maker of my own path and journey through “life” and what happens along the way, if I keep allowing this to happen then really, who is to blame? 

With this, I say to you loud and clear, get rid of the toxins in your life and be strong. Be strong and surround yourself with people and things that bring you joy.  Just because they call themselves mom, dad, uncle, aunt, brother, sister etc, doesn’t give them the right to bring you down, betray you, break the trust or tarnish any relationship you have or are trying to repair. YOU and the family and friends you make are what matters, no one else.

This is, Being Me Sober

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