Author: beingmesober

I'm finally sober! My life up until I really got sober was in one word, chaotic! I didn't know what stability was. To top off my mess of a childhood, I went straight into a marriage with more abuse and alcoholism. But, what I have today is who I am, who I've become, I am with an amazing (new) husband, we have 4 kids and our fur-baby. It has not been an easy road but I can say it was worth every fight and tear it took to get me here. Sharing my journey with you and my past is not to display it all over the place but to help someone relate to what has happened and where my mind has been while I was drinking and where it is today. Its to give insight to those suffering that if you just keep fighting you can really have the best life you were meant to have. Let's do this!
Mental Health

All or none!

beingmesober

I remember one of the many times my husband thought I should stop drinking or “slow down”.

We were at a restaurant for dinner and drinks. He was still in denial that I had a serious drinking problem. As many co-dependents do this because neither of us understand. We both know I needed to either stop or keep in control.

He said, “Can’t you just have a couple and stop?” My reply was,” all or none ” I knew this and I knew I had a serious problem but I was still at the stage where I thought I could deal with it on my own.

We went through the whole, oh I never ate dinner last night, or, maybe it’s the wine that effects me and makes me blackout and not remember the evil that I would turn into. Let’s start diluting the booze. Ya, obviously it didn’t work!

I never drank socially, I drank to get drunk, really drunk. What’s the point of drinking if your not going to have the effects? Seemed like a waste and totally boring!

I had my drink of choice for the evening, music and the phone until I finally went to bed or a fight broke out because I wouldn’t wait til morning to “talk”. My husband hated talking to me when I was drunk and hated watching me torment myself and everyone else around.

Looking back on that as I often do, I’m glad I finally chose “NONE”

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

Are you a pleaser?

beingmesober

Are you a pleaser? Do you put yourself out there for people no matter what you have going on or how you really feel about it.

Over the years of being sober and being able to see things a whole lot clearer, I notice myself going out of my way or agreeing to things I really don’t want to do, just to keep things moving smoothly.  I don’t want an argument or to upset the other person. Am I scared or nervous to speak up because of the fear I had put in front of me at 4 years of age? Why do I feel so strong but yet afraid of conflict?

When I drank I would choose to vent, Oh, not in a nice way, about why they were doing that to me.

I seem to be questioning my actions, like theses days, and asking myself, why I am allowing that to happen.

These are the silent scars that no one sees when your sober or drunk. How I deal with them is so different today than so long ago. I still struggle with doing things for people to avoid them getting mad at me or upset. Even if they are ok with it, I feel like they are and I end up with such anxiety. Oh, the trips your mind takes you on!

There are so many under lying matters that our drug of choice would deal with. That was our answer back then, uh, “Why do they do this to me?” It would stew and boil til it came out under the influence of our faithful drug.

Which is better?  I think we know the answer to that!

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

How to fill your time

beingmesober

Hi everyone!

Hope your having a great sober day!

In my early days of sobriety as soon as 4:00 on Friday hit I wanted a drink. I was a binge drinker, usually weekends. I thankfully did not drink every day. When the weekend came it was time to party!!

Something that I did to distract from wanting to drink and deal with the urge was to go shopping, or play my favourite music really loud and sing and dance.

Think of things that make you happy, push yourself to do the things you love other than drinking. Find a quiet place to read, meditate or visit friends that know what you are battling with.

This is Being Me Sober.