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Hello fellow warriors! Yes, it has been awhile since I last wrote.

So, what’s happening? Other than, ugh, the whole world against Science, Government, friends, family. How did we get here? How are you coping with what’s happening around you every day? How are you spending your free time?

Myself, I’ve been creating, creating Art. Creating a soul reaching gratitude, and profoundly therapeutic hidden talent that I never knew existed in myself. I sat down one day, just a few months before this pandemic and, just started painting.

It was 2019 when I started to paint, and I wondered if this was just another random thing I seem to find myself indulging in at times and losing focus and excitement. But, here I am writing almost 2 years later, with a basement, aka – Studio, full of my creations, with every colour paint, every size canvas, ready to get at it.

It is a passion that has brought me so much joy. I now have 2 legitimate sales under my belt and hope to have more. I have a clothing line that I am playing with and a few other things on the go that I have to keep secret right now…to be continued. Although I never started painting to Sell or make it a business, but after friends and family started telling me to Sell my Art, I created KPZ Art this past summer.

I create because it makes me feel something so satisfying that I awake at 5am thinking of what I want to work on next. This passion and fire in my soul is something that I owe to my sobriety.

Every year of sobriety gives us something. You grow, you grow into the person you are here to be, the person you can be proud of! Let your greatness come alive. Whatever that may be. Just continue on your sobriety journey first and foremost, the rest will fall into place as it should.

My message to all of you who took the time to read or are new to my page, GROW!

Take chances, listen to your intuition, never think you don’t have it in you or you can’t do something. I am one of those people that said, “I have not one ounce of artistic ability!” Look at me now, I am not saying I am the next Picasso, but I didn’t give up when it didn’t turn out the way I wanted, I fixed it. I use to walk away from things, I never had patience. I didn’t have or want to give time to anything attitude.

The problem, I didn’t believe in myself!

Uncover the hidden that is within….KP

This is Being Me Sober

Depression. That word that no one wants to feel or talk about.

I was diagnosed with depression in 1993. After I had my first child. I had been a happy person all my life up until I started feeling off. Off in the ways like sad, angry, felt rage, tired, suicidal, and no motivation. I didn’t know what was going on with myself. How could I be like this when I just had my child. A child that I wanted, the family I had been longing for. I had a son, so why was I so full of these dark scary emotions.

No one wants to admit or acknowledge that they may be affected by depression. We want too be perfect. We want to be like everyone else. The sad thing is we only see what others want us to see. We have many masks we put on when we have to be around people.

When I started to feel all the emotions that come along with depression, I had no idea what was happening. I would be happy one day or minute and full of rage wanting to drive my car off a cliff or into a brick wall. I wanted to cry for no reason or I just didn’t want to come out of my room, see or speak to anyone, I wanted to die.

I spoke to my sons father about it and he told me to go to the doctor. I was afraid and ashamed that I could be one of “those people“. Not perfect. I didn’t want to be on meds to make me feel better.

My mother in law at that time was very supportive and put me in contact with someone who had been diagnosed with depression as well. I have to say, that was the point. I decided to go to the doctor and talk about what was happening, I couldn’t live like this. I had a son, a family to be here for.

The doctor told me I had a lack of serotonin in my brain and that was causing the major mood swings. She put me on Prozac. Prozac at that time was getting a lot of backlash due to people committing suicide when prescribed the medication.

I was on 20mg per day and I have to be honest I felt the difference in a matter of days. Maybe it was because I had succumbed to the diagnoses and talked about how I felt instead of hiding in my mind, but the difference was life changing. I was happy again and functioned like “normal“.

Back in 1993, there was no internet yet, so there was no outlet on social media where you could relate to all the others that were, or are struggling in the area of depression or suicidal thoughts. There was no one to secretly talk to. Just you against the world and the shaming and labeling. The hiding.

Today I am still on my anti-depressants and I am not afraid to say it. I am thankful for the science behind the medication that can change your life and HELP with depression. Could you imagine what life would be like to suffer without proper medication? I know I wouldn’t be here without it.

I still have bad days that bring me down but I know what it is now and I can handle the emotions. I take a day to myself whether it be a day of movies in comfy clothes or a few hours of nap time. I tell myself that this too shall pass and wait and distract.

My message to those suffering in the dark, alone and no good days in sight. Get help, reach out to someone, No one judges you as much as yourself, Self sabotage is the worst and can make things a lot more difficult. Turn that voice off and talk too someone. PLEASE. We need you, your family needs you, you, need you.

I am not ashamed to be “those people” cause I am one of “those people“.

What is “normal” anyway?

Together by sharing we can make a difference in peoples lives.

I hope this helps you today.

It takes a strong person to admit their faults but takes an even stronger and braver person to do something about it and TALK about it!

This is, Being Me Sober