Tag: alcohol

Mental Health

The results of unresolved trauma….

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all ending summer looking forward to the change of season and welcoming Fall. A new season is always a fresh start. Letting go of unwanted relationships that don’t help you grow, taking that leap of faith and doing something you’ve been passionate about but haven’t dared to try yet or had time for it. Maybe it’s finally booking that appointment with the doctor, therapist or counselor you’ve been putting off.

I’d like to discuss some issues that come from unresolved childhood trauma as we grow and enter other relationships through life.

Doing something new or trying to change is scary and we all put it off but, think of what could be, imagine the life you could have if you just did that one thing. The results could be life changing for good or…..worse.

I’ve been a witness to people that haven’t dealt with childhood trauma. It is not ideal for anyone, especially for the one that is hurting unconsciously.

Even though you believe the trauma is gone and you’ve “put it past you”, it’s still there, buried in the subconscious mind. The mind gets triggered by actions from others or actions done by ourselves. We don’t realize or know the triggers but it comes out with a vengeance when we feel threatened or something has set them off.

We’ve been hurt by people that we trusted, people we loved and never thought they would do what they did. We don’t understand how or why. Even the person inflicting the hurt doesn’t realize what they are doing, until it’s done and they regret their anger, their hurtful words or their physical actions towards you. They beg to be forgiven and loved. They know they aren’t that person but they can’t seem to “help” it. It just happens. They have shame and quilt for how they hurt the ones they love. They feel worthless and unworthy. They think they can get better on their own. Their pride or ego or they close themselves off. “I don’t need a doctor!”

Their loved ones know the real person inside and want so bad for them to get help. They pray, they hope and they love again only to be back at the table listening to the apologies again and again.

The mentality or ego that keeps us from changing can destroy a life that was meant for so much better.

If my dad got therapy for his childhood trauma, maybe my mom and him would have stayed together. Maybe he would of loved my mom more than beer, maybe he wouldn’t of had 4 other wives, maybe he would of found love in the right people, not the ones who just wanted his money, maybe he could of been truly happy and maybe, he wouldn’t of died alone. 🙏

I wish he would have gotten help and spoke to a doctor. He would of known he had so much to offer and was so much more than his money, which he thought made him who he was. He lost out on so much while he was here. With me, my sister and my kids. He denied what he knew about himself and focused on the wrong things. He never got help.

Talking to someone to better your life is something to be proud of. Having the courage to see that you want to do and be better for yourself and those around you. Your taking accountability and being the change.  Stopping the cycle. Stopping the hurt. Don’t let your ego get in the way of a good life, a prosperous life and a life you can look back on with a smile and real pride.

Leisure, Mental Health

One life changing tip…

beingmesober

If you had to give one life-changing tip, what would it be?

The one life changing tip I would offer is giving up alcohol.

When you make a change such as giving up alcohol you will notice huge changes over time.

Sleep quality, quiet mind, savings, no hangovers, more motivation, priorities change, healthy heart and liver, no shame, no explaining, more love for yourself, better mood. There is so much more to not drinking and removing it from your life.

Many people think it makes life boring, it’s the complete opposite. Waking up every morning feeling fresh and functional is worth removing the alcohol.

Give it a try, not for just a month, try 6 months then another 6 months. You will be questioning yourself whether you really do want to pick up the drink. You may enjoy the clear mornings and an amazing sleep. You may enjoy all the extra energy and the amazing feeling of LIFE!

Who am I to say tho, I only have 17 years alcohol free under my belt and I am loving life!

Mental Health

What I’ve been up to the last couple years…

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s!

I hope you’re all striving to be your best selves!

As you may have read I’ve been getting creative and picked up Art and wrote a children’s book. We now have 7 grandbabies and loving every minute of it.

We moved in both places, here in Ontario and down South. Both were such good decisions. We are closer to our grandsons and our daughter down South and enjoying them tremendously!  

I’ve been watching my kids grow into their 30s and although it’s been a rough road at times, we manage. I try to be open minded and advise them as best I can. I’ve learned to step back and let them figure things out.

Hanging out with my son’s children, 4 and 1, has been wonderful. I love seeing him with his son’s. He interacts with them and plays and disciplines and loves them. Its amazing seeing he turned out that way after the way his father treated him. I worried about that. I prayed he would be a good dad. A good dad is what he is, a good provider and partner. Making Mama proud!

I turned 56 this year! Only 4 years to 60!! Whoohoo!! Hard to believe because I still feel so young. I actually find it comical. Onwards and upwards 🙌

I often think my life started at 40. A year after I left alcohol in the ditch, when I really enjoyed living alcohol free. I stopped thinking and living in the past. Finally having someone who stood by me and loved me and my kids. I have truly never been so adjusted, calm or happy. I’ve never felt I had a home, until I built one, ( not literlly ) with my husband, I was always running or given a reason to run. My life, our life improved tremendously when I got better. I got therapy, I went to AA, I know not for everyone, I had proper support and the right group of friends. I weeded my garden. It took years for me to break free from some toxic relationships but eventually I chose myself and removed what didn’t bring me peace. More weeding.

I have a life I love and that’s from making choices that I didn’t think I needed to make until faced with loosing everything I loved so much. Making choices of who was part of my life. Who deserved a place at my table.

It’s an illness that never goes away but once we get to the better side of it, a new you emerges. The one that you looked for, the one that’s been waiting to flourish, the one that matters.

We all hear the stories of what alcohol did to us but what about the good stuff. The positive and great things that come to our lives when we make that choice to live different and authenticly. Love ourselves enough to be who we are meant to be. Be amazed at what you can do, the potential that lays in you, and the opportunities that come your way. Embrace what life has to offer while we are here. Be the change. Have as much courage to set that drink down, that you did to pick it up for the first time. Think back. Remember how scared you were to drink. What’s gonna happen? It made us sick.

Trust me, it’s far from a boring life. It’s adventurous and so much more than you realize.

But, who am I to say, you should just try it and see for yourself! I dare for you to make a liar out of me 😋 I hope to see you on the other side.

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

My guide to setting boundries.

beingmesober

Write your guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

This is something I’ve been working on for quite some time.

Setting boundries is difficult because a lot of the time it’s between people that are close to us.

When I first became sober I had to have a conversation with a friend about getting together when she drinks. Her and I had a very good drinking relationship but also a friend that I confided in. I had to explain to her that I could not be around her if she was drinking. She was a little taken back but agreed to get together and have tea with me instead. Every Friday night we did that for a year. Until I was secure enough in my sobriety, I had to set those boundries. Not just to my friend but to everyone around me.

We deserve respect and to be free of any unwanted relationship that doesn’t make us feel worthy or respected. If they don’t bring joy and happiness to your life then it’s up to you to set the boundaries of what you expect.

If someone in my life is not treating me with respect, I will bring it to their attention and ask for what I deserve. If they can not, then I have to distance myself from that person. Not out of anger or revenge but for my own mental stability. I want people to treat me with the same respect as I do them.

My husband and I have had to put down some pretty strick boundries with our 30 year old daughter who is in and out of recovery. It has been the most challenging experience we’ve ever had to deal with. We can not threaten to kick her out because we don’t want her on the streets or living in her car or worse, dying. Its not for lack of trying on her part but boundaries have to be there.

Set boundaries:

Right after work she is to come home. Her friends consists of 2 maybe 3 and those are the people who she can spend time with outside the home. She is to attend AA once a week or more and attend therapy.

One of the biggest challenges is what we do if she relapses. Well….we pick up and start again. These boundries are ones that she can handle and ones we are comfortable with. Sure we could kick her out but I’m not willing to accept what could happen.

Boundries are set for emotional well-being. There are rules we have to follow just as boundaries have to be put into place when our peace is at jeopardy or we are being mistreated. Sometimes it may feel selfish but if no one cares for you who will?

The only control people have over us, is the control we give them. KP

Leisure, Mental Health, Stages

I’m 17 Today!

beingmesober

Hello fellow warriors. I hope you’re all striving to be your best selves everyday.

Every year I wake up and think of where I was on my sobriety anniversary. My stomach turns, my mind and body feels every emotion I was feeling that day.

I was terrified of what I might have lost. What I was doing with my life and my children.The thing is I was not a daily drinker, I might have had a drink before dinner, but I knew once I started I didn’t want to stop. I had kids to get ready for school and I had a business to run. I couldn’t be hungover and expect to clean a house or business to perfection if I was not feeling 100%. No one can do their best after a night of binge drinking.

It was the long weekend in May of 2009. I was drinking all day with our neighbor. I don’t know what happened but I packed a suitcase and walked with my daughter and her friend to her house and decided to leave my boyfriend. I continued to drink at my daughters friends house, her mothers rum or whiskey and got on the phone with my dad in Florida and asked if he’d come pick me up in Ontario. I was leaving and I needed him to come get me. I had no regard for my son or daughter. How on earth was I even going to get them to the States. This is where my mind was at. Still trying to escape. Still running. Still drunk. My dad would have come to get me. He always did. He had arranged a friend who would drive up and pick us up. It sounded like the perfect plan. I would leave, run, run to my dad who was there for me. No plan, no reason other than, I was drinking and raging.

When it was time for me to leave where I was and return home, I was angry, ashamed, scared and so so tired. What have I done. Again. More broken promises. Another relapse.

When I walked in the door at 9am I was prepared for everything and nothing, but also prepared mindfully for my boyfriend to tell me and my kids to pack up and leave. I didn’t know where to hide, where to go, what to do. I actually grabbed a blanket and went to the high school up the street and layed on the ground right there with the traffic going by looking at this person on a hill with her blanket. I didn’t know what to do or where to go, My mind was drunk and full of hate, not for them but for me. How pathetic I had become. What an embarressment for my kids I was. Not only did their dad have an alcohol problem but now their mom too. I couldn’t be in my skin. I hated myself. I was not worthy to anyone. I wished I was dead.

I grabbed my blanket got up and walked back home. I went upstairs washed my face, went to the kitchen made a tea, grabbed my anti depressants, probably 60 tablets or so, put them all in my mouth and swallowed. I grabbed my tea and walked out the front door on my way to the hospital. The hospital was not around the corner, it was a few km from our house but I was determined and so desperate to escape, die, get help. It was time.

I stayed in the hospital for 5 days and walked through the doors of AA June 1st 2009 at 8pm. That was one of the things I had to do to start and repair my relationship with my boyfriend and kids as well as his.I couldn’t believe I was “one of them.” I fought it as I am sure we all do, we aren’t like these people, we aren’t as bad, we don’t drink like that. We are not alcoholic. We have this under control….. Until we don’t.

I fought this but continued to go, to listen and try to find some familiarity. I spoke of such with a lady in AA, she told me to stay and I would hear someone who was just like me. I did, it was I think my 6 month of sobriety and someone spoke of their journey and what do you know, she was a binger, not an everyday drinker, just a drinker who couldn’t stop at one.  Just. Like. Me. There it is, there it was, in my face. I am like these people, I am alcoholic, I have become powerless over alcohol, it consumed me, it was my priority when my kids, my boyfriend, my life should have been my priority. These people were my people. We are all the same just with different stories.

AA, my boyfriend and the love for my children and step-children, and myself, got me to give up drinking. They saved my life.Today is a very special day, it is not only my 17th year alcohol free, but my husband and I met 20 years ago on this day, and married 13 years ago on this day. May 25th is a day on the calender that makes me appreciate every stepping stone I took to get me here. It’s a day of rememberance. A day of joy. A day of resiliance, strength and freedom.

I feel blessed with the entire life I have had. I do not regret anything I have lived through. I have accepted people and things the way they are and have to be. I have learned so much about myself and the reasons why I had to go through what I went through to make me a better stronger person. To teach me that we can change how our life is, we can put things in the past, we can make a choice of the kind of life we want. We stop blaming, stop the pitty party, buckle up and get straight.

My name is Kelly and I am an alcohlic, and I am okay with that. I love my life alcohol free. I love the freedom. I love the love I now have for myself. I am powerless over alcohol but now, I have the power. I have the choice. I have it all.

This is, Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

What topics I like talking about…

beingmesober

What topics do you like to discuss?

My husband always says I talk a lot. I would say I’m a deep conversationalist and have to tell myself to hush at times. I analyze, hold eye contact and I listen but also like to have my say.

I enjoy talking about things I am confident and knowledgeable about. I also like talking or topics about things I’m curious about.

Sobriety is a topic I could talk about all day. There are so many other topics that lay in discussions involving addiction.

Astrology is fascinating to me. I’m always curious about all the crystals and the magic they can do.

Spirituality is another topic I could sit and chat about.

Topics get people talking which in turn gets people sharing and coming together. The more we talk the more we learn.

Knowledge is Power, Power is Knowledge. KP

##togetherwewin

Mental Health

The Break-Up

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you are all striving to be your best selves.

Breaking up, ugh the pain is horrible. Its never ending. The crippling anxiety and heartache. You question everything about yourself. Was it me? 🤔 You don’t think you’re ever going to have anything good in life.

Doesn’t that sound familiar? It’s the same as removing alcohol from your life. Having to be forced to be without something is going to make you grieve. It will be the same cycle as grief.

Your going to be accepting it at first, you’ll cry, or feel sad that you can no longer have this be a part of your life anymore. Then the anger sets in, and your pissed that you can’t drink! Everyone drinks! But not everyone drinks like us warrior’s do…not good! Then you feel little sputter flutters of happiness and literal excitement. You’re starting to feel proud of yourself and physically notice a difference. Your complexion is glowing, your eyes are sparkling and that smile is back and boy, do you look good!

These emotions were what I went through very early on in my first year of removing alcohol from my life. Breaking up is an example that I can use to explain to others when they are experiencing these outbursts of emotions and have no clue why.

These emotions we go through in recovery don’t last forever. You have to know it absolutely gets better. You’ve got to push through, surrounding yourself with good support groups. Take your time with yourself and most importantly, LOVE yourself.

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health, Stages

Turning Seventeen….again

beingmesober

I remember turning 17, 1987! I loved being 17. I’m not sure why but it just sounded older.  What a time to be growing up. When things were more simple, fun and felt so free. Generations before us use to say how simple life used to be. It truly was back in the “olden days.”

I’m coming up on my Seventeenth year of my sobriety journey. What an accomplishment I’ve made, together, with the ones who stayed.

So much has come from me letting go and  refusing to let alcohol run and ruin my life and those around me. I’ve developed really great relationships, I’ve been creating art for the last 7 years and selling a few pieces. I’ve learned how to set boundaries and deal with my emotions much better than I have even upto 2 years ago. I’m maturing lol. I’m valuing myself and my worth. If I don’t get the respect I deserve than they will have no place in my life. That, that was and is extremely difficult to do. Letting go of people you love to save yourself. Letting go of old patterns and old acceptances. Its just as difficult as getting clean or sober. But, one fact always remains, to better yourself you need to let go of things or people that no longer serve you.

Over the last 17 years really exciting things have happened in my life, I have 7, yes 7 grandchildren now, I’ve discovered Art, a creative skill I never knew I had, I am chasing my passions and attending college in May.

I have accepted things the way they are and the way they were. I don’t expect more from people than they can give. No more blame. I can take responsibility of the choices I made and can put them behind me. I am able to let go of the past.

I am at peace 🙏 and growing every year.

Happy Birthday to me and all my fellow warrior’s.

#togetherwewin

Mental Health

One positive change I’ve made in my life…

beingmesober

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

There’s so many positive changes I’ve made since the biggest change which was, giving up alcohol.

In doing that I’m becoming who I am born to be. My priorities changed, my view of life changed and my healing began.

Other changes I’ve made have been to analyze my relationships. I had to let go of certain relationships to continue healing. So that I could be a better person, mother, daughter and friend. That was a very difficult change. Letting go is never easy, especially when it’s family. But, in doing that we grow.

I finally needed and demanded to be treated with respect as a person, as a mother, as a daughter and as a friend. If I want to live a full life and be truly happy inside and out, its up to me to make the necessary changes.

If you don’t like something, change it. The outcome is almost always a positive one ✨️

Be good to yourself and those around you.

Mental Health

Relationships in early recovery…..

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all striving everyday and making good progress ✨️

I wanted to talk about relationships in early recovery and the set backs it can have on your very own recovery.

You’ve heard it all the time, you can’t do it alone. No matter what you’re facing in life, it doesn’t have to be about addiction, its tough at times, really tough, and we all need support.  Someone who understands what your going through and has walked through the darkness.

During early recovery, we are so fragile. Our emotions are raw and we don’t know how to deal with everything that is coming up. The high alert, the endless voices in our heads that we fight daily, the not knowing how to fill our time, the anger, the sorrow. The total lifestyle changes, the letting go of some friends and family.  Not out of spite but for our own healing.

We are vulnerable and are the first ones to offer help to others on their journey when we’ve come a little father than the person asking for help. We think we can do it together. What a great idea, we think.  Intentions are well put but the outcome can be very dangerous.

I’m referring to a friend who has reached out and is asking you to help them. They ask how you did it for the last several months and admire your ability. They ask for help and slowly start spending time together and sharing stories, going to meetings and holding each other accountable.  You’re both doing the steps to stay sober.

It is wonderful to be able to offer help to someone you care about, but you’re also taking on their sobriety. You end up worrying more about them and putting yourself and your own recovery to the side and you don’t quite understand just how fragile you are. Its not your fault you’re just trying to help and, not do it alone…

Things go really good and you’re spending maybe a little too much time together but, it seems to be working, until something triggers  one of you. Something happens that a person in early recovery can’t control and they lash out possibly at you, because you’re there. Something was said and you leave in a maddened state and take a break from each other. Now fast forward and you’re reaching out to your friend but can’t reach him for 2 days. Now, your full of anxiety, anger, quilt and worry. Your focus is now on him and not you. Its a set back for your friendship and putting your recovery at high risk. The warning bells are going off. Negative thoughts and blame to yourself comes in. Your replaying everything that has happened. You believe its your fault for his relapse, but you don’t even know if he has because you can’t reach him.

Now you have to step back and refocus back to where you were in your recovery. Detach from the friendship and concentrate on your own sobriety.

Even with your hand and heart out to help, you must help yourself first. You must set boundaries with everyone in your life. You can not overextend or give more to someone else than you give yourself. Allow yourself to heal. Be alone with yourself and be comfortable. If you’re single, especially, start dating yourself! Put something on that makes you feel good and go for coffee, go shopping, go to a meeting!

Helping is never wrong or a mistake. It is what we are here to do. Help one another but like the saying says “Until you help yourself, you can not help anyone”.

Master your own path so others can follow.

This is, Being Me Sober