As you can see from my title, it’s Thanksgiving here in Canada. The weather has been absolutely beautiful and we were able to enjoy the outdoors while our company was here.
Our company has left and my husband is enjoying football and resting his knee, 3 week post full knee replacement. I have to say we’ve been getting along really well and he’s improving everyday. Pain is minimal if not gone, just achy and tired. Take care of your knees!
I’m sitting outside on my front porch looking at the bay, Georgian Bay, listening to music with Gracie, my golden. I’m thinking about where I’ve been, in my mind and heart. At the age of 16, my heart was broken. All I wanted to do was die. Not knowing then at such a young age, you really don’t want to die, you want those feelings to die, that pain in your heart and in the pit of your stomach. How will you ever live through this? Oh that awful feeling or feelings that seem to take forever to leave. All you want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out.
Those feelings are real. They show you love and hurt but also making you strong. I hated when people said that to me, whatever Linda! Those Linda’s were absolutely right! Unfortunately, if your young it will take years for you to realize. One day when you’re in your 50s and you have a moment you may think about this and say, ya, she’s right.
Whatever you go through at times it may feel like you just want out, out of this life…DON’T! Go to a safe, quiet place and cry your heart out or go to the gym and work that shit out!
Don’t let those feelings take you or make you a person afraid to open your heart.
As I sit and look at the bay, I’m so thankful this Thanksgiving that I have taken all of my heartaches and let downs and let them build strength and character for me. All the hurt has taught and allowed me to decide who and what I want around me and my family. I have not allowed it to destroy me, though at times I did attempt and for this I am forever grateful that I did not succeed and neither did my relationship with alcohol.
I’m thankful for the family my husband and I have built and what we’ve accomplished together and what’s yet to come.
I’m most thankful that I am here.
This is Being Me Sober
