What are you most proud of in your life?
Im proud of the way I am no longer powerless over alcohol and have been alcohol free for 16.5 years!
Author: beingmesober
I'm finally sober! My life up until I really got sober was in one word, chaotic! I didn't know what stability was. To top off my mess of a childhood, I went straight into a marriage with more abuse and alcoholism. But, what I have today is who I am, who I've become, I am with an amazing (new) husband, we have 4 kids and our fur-baby.
It has not been an easy road but I can say it was worth every fight and tear it took to get me here.
Sharing my journey with you and my past is not to display it all over the place but to help someone relate to what has happened and where my mind has been while I was drinking and where it is today. Its to give insight to those suffering that if you just keep fighting you can really have the best life you were meant to have.
Let's do this!
In the back of my mind…Preface
My story. I keep hearing, “tell your story”. Do I tell my story? Do I expose the truth for everyone to read and have opinions? Do I tell my story for myself to heal fully? Who am I telling my story for? All these questions come to mind when I put my fingers to the keyboard and try, again and again to not start, but to finish my story.
When someone sits to tell their story it isn’t just about them, it’s about all the people around them that had a hand in their addiction, their trauma, their path of success or failure.
I’ve told my story in a round about way but never divulging the entire story because of fear of hurting the people I love or starting something I never intended to start.
It’s time. It’s time to tell the story of how I became powerless over alcohol and how at the same time it made me feel powerful, how it gave me an escape to live through what I was living with and then how it almost ruined me and my children.
I am not sure how I will get this out, maybe a chapter book, or blogs as chapters. I guess the main thing is to start and finish. Continue to heal and help others. Time to unveil myself and the secrets I carried since I was 4 years old. The blindness, and countless nights of prayer and hope.
The name of my book will be, “How did I get here”. Isn’t that the big question we always ask ourselves when we are at our lowest and full of toxins that fuel our brain and emotions. The unraveling of the tied up ball of mess that we had become. Who would be there at the end of the tunnel when we became whole again.
My trauma started at the age of 4, witnessing my father abuse my mom. I walked in on them one night after hearing my mothers cries and screams. I saw her face was full of blood and my dad full of rage. My father saw me and picked me up, brought me to my room and threw me on my bed, pointed his finger in my face with his teeth clenched and said, “You stay in here and don’t come out!” It was that day that I started to self-sooth and stay quiet. The first time I felt scared and alone, but at that age I didn’t recognize those feelings so I began to express them in different ways.
While still at the age of 4, I remember standing in the hallway between my room and my parents, holding my mother’s hand with a suitcase in her other hand and asked me while standing in front of my father, who I wanted to stay with, her or my father. Of course a daughter always wants her mom at that age so naturally I went with her. I believe I would have been scared to stay with my father after what he had done to my mom.
We stayed with my aunt and uncle for a bit until we moved into a basement apartment. My mom had a job selling encyclopedias door to door, this was 1974-75 so that’s the kind of work that people used to do. Funny now as we look back at how times have changed, but for some reason, some people don’t. Ever. While on her route she stepped into a Collection agency office, while trying to sell the receptionist books, the owner of the business came out from his private office, and, while stunned at her beauty, asked her what she was doing selling encyclopedias looking like that. Blushing and defensive, she laughed him off. He asked again. She replied, “I have a little girl I have to support and this is what I have to do!” He asked her if she could type, and how many words a minute. Again, 1970’s, we had typewriters. Anyway, I honestly don’t think he cared if she had experience or not, he was so taken by her. Her deep blue eyes and pale skin, with long black hair, so petite she was, and dressed to the nines. Of course he offered her a receptionist position as long as she came back at 5:00 that evening for a drink. She refused because she had to get home to me, and that was not something she did. Is this guy nuts, I could hear her saying, but he insisted and she did go against everything she stood for as a woman, that night, that job, changed our lives. There was hope and my mom was proud to be able to get out of her sisters and have our own little nest. We could put everything behind us and go forward.
Cali-Sober
Good morning fellow warriors! Today I’d like to talk about Cannabis and the skepticism and controversy behind it.
The first time I tried Cannabis I was in high school, like some of us and for some maybe earlier in life or for some maybe none at all.
Once out of high school I rarely if ever touched cannabis, until I quit drinking and my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to share a joint. I was very scared at first because I didn’t want to become addicted to it or feel the need to have or crave it like I did with alcohol. Of course I smoked it, I’m not a stranger to it and I was 41 years old and had 2 years of sobriety from alcohol under my belt.
I’m 54 now and have been smoking cannabis since I was 41. I have the knowledge and experience to share the huge difference between the effects of alcohol and the effects of cannabis. Let me tell you what a difference it is!
If you are a newcomer to my page or a continued reader you will know the struggles I had with alcohol. Let me share again.
I was a binge drinker with blackout episodes and I wanted to party or rage all night long. Like they say in AA, One drink, One drunk. How true. We put that drink to our mouth and in a couple of hours we are a totally different person. I didn’t commit to what I would say to myself, keep it cool tonight, or I shouldn’t drink. There was no reasoning with myself because alcohol had taken over any reasoning I could have had. I made a mess of my relationships. I left scars on people who cared for me. I scared people to the point of them being afraid of me. I’m 5’2″ 130 lbs, how could they be afraid of me? I wouldn’t hurt anyone, when I drank to blackout rage I guess I would be afraid too. The worst and best thing about blackouts is we don’t remember what we did or said. Is that good or bad? Both. It’s hard not having clarity and listening to the people tell you what you are like when in that state because that is not the person you truly are when present. We try to understand and wonder why we get to this point. I know why I would blackout. I was terrified of being abandoned, as I had been for years on and off by my mom starting at the age of 8, I was traumatized as a child living in an abusive home, I had an unconscious terror of men, I had been kicked out at the age of 18, not for being bad or in trouble, but because I was in the way of my then step-mothers plans to have a new life and not have me tag along. I married a man who had become extremely alcoholic and abusive to me, our son and daughter. I managed to escape the marriage after 12 years. But, I was a mess! I was lost and felt so alone.
Drinking didn’t solve anything but make everything worse. There was no proper thought to why my parents did what they did, only blame. I was always depressed and my happiness was only temporary, and in general I am a very happy person even with all the shit life has thrown my way. Alcohol almost destroyed me and everyone around me.
Now I can safely say having cannabis in my life has been a game changer. It helps with my mood, my creativity, my traumas, and my understanding. Cannabis allows me to be calm, leveled out and controls my need to be doing something every minute of the day. I have ADD, my mother told me I was diagnosed when I was a child. I didn’t know until I was in my 40’s that I was diagnosed with that condition which explained a lot. I actually just watched a podcast about ADD but that is for another blog, but it was fascinating what I learned from it and makes total sense.
The effects of cannabis are no comparison to alcohol or any hard drug out there. I am assuming because I have never tried anything other than cannabis. From what I have learned and seen or heard from my adult children cannabis shouldn’t even be considered a comparison to other drugs. It is used in so many medicinal forms as a treatment. I’ve never heard of coke or heroin being in that spectrum. Yes, these are available in pharmaceutical form but are still extremely addictive and life threatening.
Cannabis is not an addictive substance, it can become habit forming but you never get the withdrawals or urges to have it NOW as you would with alcohol. I can go on a vacation knowing I won’t be able to smoke and I am okay with that whereas alcohol, not being able to have it, no way would I have gone anywhere. I can go to bed at a decent hour, like 8pm, lol. There are no more regrets in the morning, no shame, just clarity. I can talk nicely and have good conversations with people, I remember everything. I am present and my mood is balanced. If my meds aren’t quite working the way they should on some days and my hormones act up due to my depression I will have a little toke and I am leveled out. I don’t have the urge to stay up all night, call people to let them know what I really think or how they betrayed me. I am not making a mess everywhere I go. I can still participate in activities where everyone around me is drinking and I have my little stash to ward off the intrusive thoughts that come with being an alcoholic and having to still live in a world where alcohol is so widely acceptable and in every corner you turn.
When people say cannabis is the gateway to harmful other drugs, I have to disagree with that statement. It is all in the circumstances some will turn to harder drugs. Look deeper. Who do they associate with? Where do they live? What is their family situation? Those are all factors of underlying issues to be addressed when they say cannabis is a gateway to harder drugs. Never once have I thought of doing heroin or coke because of cannabis. I may have thoughts about drinking that pass in a second but never to explore the dangers of those actual extremely dangerous drugs.
I’ve wanted to talk about this before it became legal in Ontario, but that was a risk. Exposing myself to doing illegal activity. I wanted to share how much cannabis has helped me. Being in Menopause and having cannabis is very helpful for my moods like I said. But it has also helped with my sobriety from alcohol believe it or not.
I always had a hard time saying I was sober because I smoked. Even though we refer sober to alcohol and clean to drugs, it still felt awkward saying I was sober. It felt like I was lying to myself and others. Until my daughter said one day, “Look mom, this girl is Cali-Sober” which means sober from alcohol but a cannabis smoker. Cali comes from California, where cannabis first became legal. Oh My God I thought, that’s awesome! I finally have a name for myself and I love California so how fitting is that! The first thing I thought was, Oh i’m so doing a blog about this and I got to use the line the other day when we were at our favorite hang out with my tea. She asked if it was really tea in there, I get that all the time, Yes, I said, I’m Cali_Sober haha! Yay! I got to use my handle, “Cali-Sober”. You’d be shocked at the amount of people who actually enjoy a J (joint) here and there and respond with a, Oh cool! It’s freeing actually to have a name for what you do and don’t have people or yourself telling you you aren’t “sober”. Sober is what ever you think is your sober. No one else gets to tell you what it is or what it should be. If it works for you in a good way then go for it. No judgement.
So in a nut shell cannabis has been good for me, may not be good for all but it works for me and that’s all that matters, It doesn’t negatively effect my friends or family, it doesn’t make me feel worthless or angry. Cannabis doesn’t interfere with my life or my husband’s or children’s life. It keeps me present and level. It boosts my serotonin when lacking. It helps my creativity and keeps me busy. Cannabis motivates me and lets me see things in a more passionate way, it lets me deep think without the rage and anger. It lets me feel like I still fit in and am able to still “party” because that’s my personality. I love a great party but who wants to be blackout and unaware. I know my limit and I stay in it. I know when I’ve had enough. I can go to bed.
I am prepared for negative feedback. It’s okay. I welcome feedback and discussion. This is what works for me and my time here on earth. Do what works for you, no one else.
This Is Being Me Sober….
The Modern World…
As I sit here by my pool in South Florida and watch my pup swim and have her best life, my mind wonders, and I start deep thinking.
Here’s what came to mind.
Is the modern world really that wonderful? Are we better off or worser for it?
Sometimes, we feel so lucky and fortunate to be alive here on earth at this time. Other times, it may be too much.
We think about the centuries before us and how simple it was. Also, how boring it would have been. What did they do for fun?
I wonder, though, this modern world we live in is so stimulating and anything and everything is available that we get bored easier because we want more? When does everything become not enough and leave some of us wanting more?
When alcohol is no longer enough, or we drink more and more to reach that “buzz” some of us add drugs to the mix, which leads to more consumption of both alcohol and/or more drugs to get the stimulation we desperately craving for.
When is enough enough? When are we going to be stimulated by just being?
What brought me to thinking about this was because I heard about a new beverage called Bonbuzz. It’s a non alcoholic beverage that stimulates the brain like alcohol but does not give the negative effects that come with alcohol.
I was so excited to hear about it and ordered it right away from Amazon. But, then, like I said, I started thinking, why am I so excited about drinking this? Do I need to drink this? I’m a little scared, to be honest about taking a drink, but I really wondered why I, we in society need this in our life?
Don’t get me wrong, like I said, I do want to try it, and I think it’s a great no, amazing alternative to alcohol. I’m happy when I read about the younger and some older generations stepping back from alcohol. It’s quite impressive but we have a long way to go, and alcohol will always be available, but it’s nice to see people are waking up to the damage alcohol does to those who can not tolerate it, and for those souls that think they can.
So that’s basically in a nut shell where my mind went. Some pondering on a sunny afternoon in SoFlo.
Thanks for reading!
This Is Being Me Sober
Bringing Her Home…..
The Day She Came Home
It was a typical morning, I got up, brushed my teeth, fed the dog, grabbed a coffee and my phone. I always check my messages to make sure everything is okay with the kids. Even though they are all grown adults over 25, I still worry, especially because one of my daughters has a severe drinking problem, so being away from her was difficult and I was always on edge of what was going to happen. When the bottom would hit and how awful would it be. No matter what we did, she just wouldn’t, couldn’t see that her drinking was a death sentence for her if she continued down this road. I know that road, mine wasn’t as dangerous as her’s has been though.
It was December 3rd 2022 when I saw a message from our son to call ASAP. My heart dropped, oh God, I thought, what’s happened?
My son asked if I was sitting down, and if my husband was still sleeping? I asked what was wrong, please just tell me. He then proceeded to tell me that our daughter and her friend took our car out and totaled it. She and her friend are fine, but she is at the police station being charged with multiple charges including a DUI.
OMG, oh no, no, no!!!!! I started to shake and feel like I was going to be sick. This cannot be happening.
So many things were running through my head. Is she okay, what the hell did she do, why, why, why? All these thoughts kept coming to my mind. She may be suicidal, putting myself in her shoes. I need to get a flight home. I need to be there. My husband will leave me. He’s probably had enough of us. My past with my drinking, before I got sober. The on going battle we’ve had for the last 11 years of our daughters drinking. He doesn’t have to put up with this, he’s not her biological father, he doesn’t have to do this any longer. She and her friend just wrote off his BMW. He’s going to leave us. I’m going to lose my daughter to addiction.
Those were the constant thoughts going through my head. I had nightmares for months. I was lost and did not know what to do or where to turn. Who can help us? Now I’m on the other end of addiction. I’m facing the battle that so many tried to help me with. How can I save her? Pray, Lots of prayers and determination.
That morning I was able to speak to her and she was still drunk and unreasonable as we all are in that state. We had her brother and boyfriend and best friend go to check on her to make sure she wouldn’t do anything to harm herself.
She ended up packing her bags and leaving. She ran, like I did, like we all do when we are faced to look at the damage we’ve done not only to ourselves but to other people, family, and friends. We can never face the damage, shame, or quilt, we face every morning after a bender or just a simple night. We stay in this bubble of guilt and shame. For some, we face it or we continue to destroy our lives and others around us.
Her brother gave up on her as well as her best friend, and yes we gave her the ultimatum to stop drinking or she’d be out of the family. We couldn’t do this anymore. We had to do something dramatic in hopes she would realize what she’s losing. Her family, her stepsisters who are closer than any blood sister, her friends, and possibly her life, everything that mattered.
She continued to drink and move from house to house. She had gone back to her toxic boyfriend because she had nowhere else to go and refused to give in and get sober. I would have endless talks with her trying to explain the road ahead if she continued.
Being away for the winter, I realized there was nothing I could do being at home that I couldn’t do from where I was. It was a realization that I had to come too that no matter what I said or did, NOTHING was going to work until she was ready to make the decision herself. I know that, but when you’re fighting for your loved one you try everything in your power to help until we cannot.
I had to disengage myself from my daughter. I had to turn away and shut off my feelings for my sobriety and mental health. She was killing me. My nerves, my mind was not shutting off. I had to walk away. I had to let her figure this out on her own and pray she made it out alive, and I had to take care of myself and my family.
It was the long weekend in July 2023 when my daughter commented, I love you mom, to one of my social stories. I told her I loved her too and left it at that. She is used to us, calling and asking where she is, how she is, etc but not now. She was missing that. No communication from her family was getting to her. Later that evening I started small talk, I asked her where she was and she told me somewhere in Orillia. She didn’t know the person she was staying with and had nowhere to go, she was scared. I asked her if she needed a ride somewhere and she said yes.
When I showed up at this person’s house she came out with her bag and the clothes on her back. No phone, no wallet, nothing but her. Her teeth were yellow and her face was broken out so bad, she was so unhealthy. That was okay, I had her now. I had a lot of decisions to make with what happened next. Remembering what my doctor told me that there was nothing I could do for her but waiting for her to come to terms with her addiction. Deep breathes and cool heads. I needed to stay calm.
We went to another place to retrieve her cell phone, which was a shabby old trailer in someones yard. She then told me her ex gave everything she owned to Value Village. We made our way over to his place to confirm that he actually did throw her things away, to find his father and him waiting in the driveway. She asked me to wait in the car while she spoke to them. I tried until I saw his father laughing and saying he took her things there himself. I couldn’t believe what they did. How could his family after 7 years do that to her. That’s when I lost it and got out of the vehicle and questioned why they would do that, I thought they loved her as a daughter. I also thought this is the consequence of her choices. Going back to a dangerously abusive toxic boyfriend.
I was livid now as we left their house. I pulled over and looked at her and said, “If you ever take one sip of fucking alcohol you are OUT of this family for good!!! Do you realize the state of your life?” Possibly another DUI, multiple charges along with that, a chance of going to jail, maybe never traveling to the US, a felony charge, so many things hung in the balance. Every ounce of me was fighting back tears and anger built up over the last 11 years and it was at the brim. The car was silent as we continued home.
We arrived home to see my husband and discuss what the next steps were. We had already discussed the options for her. There was no way she could go back to her bio father because he’s a severe alcoholic and his place is not safe. We decided to ask her if she was willing to be in rehab at home for a year. She would be under strict rules and no freedom to do as she pleases. If she was ready and willing to get sober then she could stay here in her home, her safe place. I would attend all of her court dates and we would get through. She is here and alive, we can deal with what happens. It’s been quite a time. Watching her come back to life, get her priorities straight again. She cut off all of the “friends” she thought she had, only to realize that they were going nowhere fast. Her boyfriend stayed with her and is an amazing man. They managed to work through all of the issues and he now sees the real person, the strongest, the sweetest person she is. A really good friend came and gave her clothes. Her and her brother have a great relationship now and her world is clearer.
I am so proud of my daughter and her strength and determination that I knew she had in her. She had to surrender and finally acknowledge the drink was more powerful and she had lost all control.
There was a lot of talk, tears, and shock from my end as to how bad she was into the addiction to not just alcohol but to coke and started dabbing into Xanax. She had been on a month bender with her ex and that’s when she said she finally saw she would die if she didn’t go home. She was scared and ready. We were scared and ready. I needed my baby girl home with me so I could mend her and bring her back to who she is. A beautiful, talented, funny, and caring woman.
In July of this year (2024) she hit her one year of sobriety. Man what a milestone! In that time one of her friends OD’d and passed away and a week later her ex OD’d and died. It hit her as well as us like a ton of bricks. They dated for 7 years, although not always toxic, they did have a good relationship at some point, but it really hit home for her she told me. It really scared her and made her realize just how much they were all playing with death. She made it out, I knew she would have been one of those taken from addiction if she didn’t give in to the disease of addiction.
I am so grateful and happy that I still have my daughter today but it kills me to see all of these young kids and adults getting involved with drugs and alcohol today. The access to these are so easy and freely available. How? How did we get here? What is it going to take to make these people realize that they are playing with death? It will happen to them, it will fall, one day, just when, is the question.
As a parent who knows what addiction is and what it can do to yourself, your family, friends etc, and being in my 15th year of sobriety I was clueless when it came to my own child. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I consulted my family doctor for answers, I read stories, I You Tubed mothers of addicted children. I was lost just as much as my daughter was.
If you as a parent or friend find yourself in this struggle, do whatever you can to get them home to get them straight but don’t lose yourselves in the process. We must stay strong for when they do come home it won’t be easy or even work, but we must help! We as a society have to keep talking, keep sharing and be there for one another. Tough love is extremley difficult and hurts us just as much if not more than the person we are toughing it out with. It’s a double edge sword, damn if you do and damn if you don’t. Go with your heart, ask questions, ask for HELP.
I hope this has reached someone who needed it today. We are not alone in this battle. Reach out and never be ashamed to talk about it. Alcoholism and drug addiction is a real disease, we must fight until the end.
This is Being Me Sober
One Year Later
Diversity….
A lot has happened in 2 years.
Pandemic 2020, George Floyd, BLM movement, de-funding the police, and court hearings for shootings against people of color, and finally the grave sites that were discovered just outside of Saskatchewan that held over 1500 bodies of Native CHILDREN. Children who died because of what they represented and because of their heritage. I needed to do something. What could I possibly do for change to happen or atleast try to make a change? I’m just one person in a world that has so much devastation.
As I mentioned in my previous posts I discovered Art and painting. I painted a picture one day of a Flamingo and Bumblebee. As I walked by it, an idea, a story came to my mind. A story about a friendship. About a Flamingo and Bumblebee becoming friends. Being very different beings, they take a chance and learn about each other and out of that forms a very good friendship. This is how I can spread the word and maybe make a difference.
My thoughts are to direct this to children as we can help them learn, explore and accept different beings. Not dismiss, ignore or judge others because of their differences.
I hope you will join me in spreading this message to your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc.
You can find my book here through the following sources: https://books.friesenpress.com/store/title/119734000214051206 – Copy and paste the links to your browser
ISBN: 978-1-03-913110-1, ISBN: 978-1-03-913111-8, ISBN: 978-1-03-913112-5
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Books, Kindle and all e-book channels.
Let’s educate our children and make a change!
This is
Being Me Sober
The terror behind the smile….
This picture my mom posted a few weeks ago. It was 2006, a day we set out to visit my Aunt, my mom’s sister, and my cousin.
We planned a great day. Leave early afternoon and spend the day downtown Toronto. Catching up after so many years of not seeing them.
I phoned my mom that morning. I couldn’t make the trip downtown. I just couldn’t go.
“What’s wrong?”, my mom asked. I said, “I just can’t go!” Crying and pleading with myself that she would just say okay we will make it another day.
Nope! Not my mom. She told me to take a shower, get pretty and come pick her up that we would have a great day.
I was pissed! I was angry! I was so hungover and upset because the night before was a disaster. A night of drinking turned to a night of rage and blackout. I begged myself to stop this madness. God, please help me.
I arrived at my moms, pretty as I could feel and full of smiles, saying I felt better. I was hurting and hiding inside. My nerves were on high, my eyes feeling like a sack of potatoes from crying, I was exhausted, and my anxiety was through the roof. How was I going to get through this day when I had no idea what I would go home too after this day was done. If I even had a home and boyfriend left to go home too.
My mom had no idea of the state of mind I had going on and what a mess I had turned into. Oblivious to the point I could not drink, that I am alcoholic. She never saw that side of me. She never saw the hurt, the past I carried and showed it’s face when I drank or the turmoil I was going through in my past marriage.
We pack our sorrows and troubles away and continue to wear the mask we always wear. The happy one, the fake happiness we display while dying inside to get us through and continue on with life.
I spent a long time wearing that mask. A long time hiding inside from the people that haven’t seen the side of rage and terror I acted out while in a blackout state of alcohol induced horror. Even I can not say what I did or said because I have no idea, I was blackout drunk. I have only heard a few things and I couldn’t stand to hear what I had been like. I wanted to comfort the hurting child in me, the wife who just wanted a functional happy family, the person who had been through some tough times, and hold her tight and let her know it will be okay. I couldn’t do that because I had so much hate for myself for acting this way. For being the person who was such a let down to others and herself.
Why is it so hard for us to give something up that hurts us so bad and keeps us stuck in the past? Addiction. What keeps us coming back to relive the pain and hurt we impose on ourselves and our families and most importantly, our children? Addiction.
We give what we think others need to see, to protect ourselves from the truth of addiction and for me, not wanting to speak of the past when sober or afraid to. We hide behind our smiles. We keep pretending that everything is okay. Until it isn’t.
When we come to the end of our journey with addiction from alcohol or drugs, or any sort of outlet we used to bury the truth and hurt, we may not feel like smiling or pretending everything is okay. We are sad, we are raw, and scared to deal with the emotions we kept hidden for so long. Once we come through on our path to healing, our smiles become true. True to ourselves and true to others. We shine a light that radiates through our soul.
It is a step that many of us struggle to take. Taking that first step is one of the scariest things I have done in my life but being able to smile with all the true happiness behind it is worth everything. Knowing that I am true to myself, my family and friends, and dealing with and letting go of the past without any mind altering substance brings the biggest smile of all!
This is Being Me Sober…
Can I say it has been awhile?
Hello fellow warriors! Yes, it has been awhile since I last wrote.
So, what’s happening? Other than, ugh, the whole world against Science, Government, friends, family. How did we get here? How are you coping with what’s happening around you every day? How are you spending your free time?
Myself, I’ve been creating, creating Art. Creating a soul reaching gratitude, and profoundly therapeutic hidden talent that I never knew existed in myself. I sat down one day, just a few months before this pandemic and, just started painting.
It was 2019 when I started to paint, and I wondered if this was just another random thing I seem to find myself indulging in at times and losing focus and excitement. But, here I am writing almost 2 years later, with a basement, aka – Studio, full of my creations, with every colour paint, every size canvas, ready to get at it.
It is a passion that has brought me so much joy. I now have 2 legitimate sales under my belt and hope to have more. I have a clothing line that I am playing with and a few other things on the go that I have to keep secret right now…to be continued. Although I never started painting to Sell or make it a business, but after friends and family started telling me to Sell my Art, I created KPZ Art this past summer.
I create because it makes me feel something so satisfying that I awake at 5am thinking of what I want to work on next. This passion and fire in my soul is something that I owe to my sobriety.
Every year of sobriety gives us something. You grow, you grow into the person you are here to be, the person you can be proud of! Let your greatness come alive. Whatever that may be. Just continue on your sobriety journey first and foremost, the rest will fall into place as it should.
My message to all of you who took the time to read or are new to my page, GROW!
Take chances, listen to your intuition, never think you don’t have it in you or you can’t do something. I am one of those people that said, “I have not one ounce of artistic ability!” Look at me now, I am not saying I am the next Picasso, but I didn’t give up when it didn’t turn out the way I wanted, I fixed it. I use to walk away from things, I never had patience. I didn’t have or want to give time to anything attitude.
The problem, I didn’t believe in myself!
Uncover the hidden that is within….KP
This is Being Me Sober
Look at this… đź‘€
Look at this… đź‘€ https://pin.it/2ddXUHl
Being Me Sober 