Category: Mental Health

Mental Health

How I’ve adapted after the Pandemic.

beingmesober

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Covid! What a time. Strange and scary. So many changes.

I was really always a home body but since covid I believe I’ve become more of a home body.

I loved going shopping. Outlets, malls, the bigger the better, but now find myself ordering online, I feel overwhelmed in some stores because there just so packed. I don’t have the patience to be going through all the racks like I used to. Is it age or due to the fact we spent 2 years indoors and got use to the convenience of online shopping?

Although, Covid helped me discover art and the creative side of myself on canvas. That was a blessing. It gave some of us time to just sit and get uncomfortable and absolutely bored, but opened up areas of yourself that were hidden because we are a rushed society and have no time to spend on ourselves.

We are forced to adapt to our surroundings at times. We have to otherwise we’d go crazy or be left behind. We adapt quickly and carry on as best we can.

I’ve adapted to fist pumps instead of hugs when friends or family are not feeling well. I’ve adapted to seeing more masks on people and not finding it strange.

The one thing, several things, that are hardest to adapt to are the price increases on everything! How do we adapt to that when some don’t have the means necessary to adapt? The struggling I see with so many, my own adult children trying to make a life like we had up to 2020. Buying a house for 20/30 somethings is almost impossible to do on their own. Rent! Ha, shoe box for 1500-2000/month and getting paid min wage.

Somehow, we all adapt whether we like it or not. Forced to adapt to a new normal.

Art – “Pandemic and Politics” – Kelly Petrie -Kpz Art

Mental Health

Relationships in early recovery…..

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all striving everyday and making good progress ✨️

I wanted to talk about relationships in early recovery and the set backs it can have on your very own recovery.

You’ve heard it all the time, you can’t do it alone. No matter what you’re facing in life, it doesn’t have to be about addiction, its tough at times, really tough, and we all need support.  Someone who understands what your going through and has walked through the darkness.

During early recovery, we are so fragile. Our emotions are raw and we don’t know how to deal with everything that is coming up. The high alert, the endless voices in our heads that we fight daily, the not knowing how to fill our time, the anger, the sorrow. The total lifestyle changes, the letting go of some friends and family.  Not out of spite but for our own healing.

We are vulnerable and are the first ones to offer help to others on their journey when we’ve come a little father than the person asking for help. We think we can do it together. What a great idea, we think.  Intentions are well put but the outcome can be very dangerous.

I’m referring to a friend who has reached out and is asking you to help them. They ask how you did it for the last several months and admire your ability. They ask for help and slowly start spending time together and sharing stories, going to meetings and holding each other accountable.  You’re both doing the steps to stay sober.

It is wonderful to be able to offer help to someone you care about, but you’re also taking on their sobriety. You end up worrying more about them and putting yourself and your own recovery to the side and you don’t quite understand just how fragile you are. Its not your fault you’re just trying to help and, not do it alone…

Things go really good and you’re spending maybe a little too much time together but, it seems to be working, until something triggers  one of you. Something happens that a person in early recovery can’t control and they lash out possibly at you, because you’re there. Something was said and you leave in a maddened state and take a break from each other. Now fast forward and you’re reaching out to your friend but can’t reach him for 2 days. Now, your full of anxiety, anger, quilt and worry. Your focus is now on him and not you. Its a set back for your friendship and putting your recovery at high risk. The warning bells are going off. Negative thoughts and blame to yourself comes in. Your replaying everything that has happened. You believe its your fault for his relapse, but you don’t even know if he has because you can’t reach him.

Now you have to step back and refocus back to where you were in your recovery. Detach from the friendship and concentrate on your own sobriety.

Even with your hand and heart out to help, you must help yourself first. You must set boundaries with everyone in your life. You can not overextend or give more to someone else than you give yourself. Allow yourself to heal. Be alone with yourself and be comfortable. If you’re single, especially, start dating yourself! Put something on that makes you feel good and go for coffee, go shopping, go to a meeting!

Helping is never wrong or a mistake. It is what we are here to do. Help one another but like the saying says “Until you help yourself, you can not help anyone”.

Master your own path so others can follow.

This is, Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

My favorite type of weather…

beingmesober

What is your favorite type of weather?

Let me start by saying my husband and I are Snowbirds, so I guess my favorite weather is sunny and warm with the smell of the ocean air. Sweet smell of cut grass and dewy mornings. Amazing sunsets by the water, wrapped in a shawl when the nights cool to a comfortable 70°. I love the way I feel in the sun and warmth. The smile and hellos from strangers because the weather has lifted their spirits.

However, I do love the odd rainy day to light my candles and have a zen day, to feel the calmness rain brings. Snow for Christmas and Fall for the colors and crisp mornings. The rejuvenation we feel when Fall has arrived awaiting what waits for us in the coming of a fresh start with nature and a new start for some of us.

Weather can be depressing at times and for long periods of time due to months of rain and/or cold, fridgid temps and isolation. Its important to have hobbies or distractions when weather isn’t ideal. There are options for getting through the cold, rainy, snowy months. Light therapy is a very helpful alternative to the actual sun. Join a gym, arrange a get together once a week, weather depending, to connect. Stock up on books and games.

Whatever your favorite weather is, soak it up and say Thank you to Mother Nature ✨️

Mental Health

How do I deal with negative feelings?

beingmesober

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

We all have those days. The negative ones. Some are triggered and some hormonal and some from lowered dopamine.

When I was first experiencing these negative feelings as well as intrusive thoughts, it was after my first born. Hormonal and lowered dopamine that affected everything in me. I would be sitting there thinking of ways to die, thinking of destruction and just so miserable and negative. I was never that person. Never wanted to destroy things or drive into a tree and hope to die. I was so confused and unhappy. I shouldn’t of been though. I just had a new baby a beautiful home and lots of support from my in laws. I spoke to my mother in law who spoke to her sister in law and made a visit to me and suggested I go to the doctor. I was so scared. What the helk was wrong with me. Where was the happy bubbly person that use to reside in me? I made an appointment and was diagnosed with severe depression with under active dopamine, and was given an antidepressant, Prozac. At that time Prozac had a very bad name. Suicides were being blamed from taking this drug. I was nervous but I had to try. It worked! Before I knew it I was back to being me. Happy, adjusted and enjoying life and most of all my baby boy. Trees were spared!

I have been on the antidepressants for 32 years now and I am so grateful for them. If there was no solution to this diagnosis I can say without a doubt, I wouldn’t be here. So today when I do have negative days, of course, I sit with the feelings. If I know why I am experiencing these feelings then, I sit and replay every detail, every word and tell myself it’s okay. I will get through this. If I wake one morning and don’t feel like me, I am quiet and stay to myself. My husband notices right away and always asks what’s wrong, having a bad day? Yes, I would tell him and just by talking and saying I felt horrible I felt a bit of relief.

Talking is so important when you are in a negative head space. Express what is happening, get a hug, call a friend who understands, let your feelings out, meditate. Communicating is not easy for everyone especially when feeling this way. Just remember you’re not alone and it’s temporary.

So sit with your feelings, analyse your feelings, talk about your feelings, journal your feelings, but always know, it’s gonna be okay.

Mental Health

Jesus take the wheel…

beingmesober

This song by Carrie Underwood, Jesus take the wheel, I feel that song any time I hear it come on the radio. It brings me back, as a lot of songs resinante with us, takes me back to that day on the highway going to pick up my kids from their fathers. I was so hungover and desperate to get sober. Stop drinking and stop the chaos, stop the madness and shame and overwhelming feeling of anxiety and feeling so alone.

I was crying, ugly crying, and singing and begging all at the same time. Holding the steering wheel, white knuckle, shaking, hoping Jesus would step in and take me or help me.  Begging to be forgiven for the mess I made the night before. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself or the people around me. I was destroying everything good that came into my life and my childrens lives at 36.

It’s like being in an abusive relationship, but it’s only you against the voices, the fight to not drink, the fight to get better, the fight to save the road we are on.

As I write this I pause and think of the turmoil I was in. That awful feeling of dispair and hopelessness. The hate I had for the people that got me where I was in my life. The divorce, the abuse from my ex husband, my mother, my father, my so called friends that were no where to be found, living their own lives and struggles. The one question we always ask ourselves, “How did I get here?”

I do know how I got to that point in my life. It started when I was an infant. It started when I was old enough to see what abuse was, to fear the people that are suppose to love you the most and protect you. It started when I was with my friends as a teenager drinking and not realizing the consequences of what could be. It started by not having any understanding of who I was becoming, what I was trying to sort out in my life and head. It started because I was never out of chaos, never away from the abuse, physical and  mental. Starting from my mother abandoning me for years on and off. The verbal abuse and physical abuse from her. My fathers abusive ways with women in his life and him leaving us for another family.  My stepmother had enough of his abuse and cheating, he begged me to come with him but I could not go with a man that hurt woman, who found someone new and just thought I could leave everything behind. NO! I knew at 15 I couldn’t live that way. I was angry at him. I was hurt my family was splitting again.  To then be kicked out by my stepmother for no reason at 18. To then marrying an abusive man to me and our son. A cheater, a liar and an abuser. Just like the life I escaped from. Just like the father I had, the mother I had, the stepmother I had. Where was the love, the support, the way out.

The escape was in the wine, the rum, whatever I could drink to get out of my head. The drunk haze to be able to cope and get through the days, to forget the bad not knowing that the bad always surfaced because I was in a state of fight or flight my entire life up to the day I got sober. 39 years. 39 years of chaos, some points were of course amazing. My kids, buying our beautiful new home, making memories and trying to be normal and hide away the pain that wanted to be free from me.

Jesus take the wheel. Jesus took the wheel when I allowed him to take the wheel and succomb to the one thing that was keeping me in this state of flight or fight. He took the wheel and steered me to freedom, to let go, to live. With work on myself, AA, therapy and proper support, but most of all love. I was with people that truly loved me in a way that allowed me to feel safe. I know my parents love me and they did the best they could with what they were dealing with from their past traumas. I forgive them but I’m also grateful for the chaos because it showed me strength and showed me what I am capable of and who I really am. I’m not what people say I am because of their own demons. I am a good mom a good wife and a good person. I love the life I have alcohol free and living the life I choose to live with the people I choose to have in my life, but most of all I love what I have learned and accepted so that I can love unconditionally with understanding, patience and support, for myself, my husband, and children and grandchildren.

This is, Being me sober

Mental Health

When do we let go?

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s!

I hope you’re all striving everyday to be your best selves and helping and caring for others during these unfamiliar days in the world around us.

As some of my followers know, I have a daughter who is struggling to break free from this awful disease of addiction. Its been an issue with our family for the last 15 years and I am at my end.

She is now 30 and has been back at home for the last 3 years because my husband and I have been helping her through her journey of sobriety.  Helping her build her life again.

Times are tough right now, rent is through the roof, food is barely affordable let alone supporting children if you have them. So we have allowed her to stay with us.

Its not working. She hasn’t yet been able to get to one year without relapses, she has been hiding it from us. Although she goes to work and is responsible, she just can’t seem to get it. She constantly keeps surrounding herself with what feels familiar. Not the sober ones. Not the ones that bring something to the table, just the ones that want to party.

I can see that she is trying and I do understand the disease because I’ve been through it and have 17 years under my belt. I know the urge and the voices that come and convince us we will be different this time, we won’t drive, we won’t go to jail, we won’t drink to blackout, I got this. NO! No we don’t got this if we are not willing to change our entire lifestyle and stop drinking or drugging.

Shes been through so much trauma but the trauma was caused by drinking and putting herself in these environments and consequences of her choices.

It feels like I’m a mouse on a spinner, going in circles again and again. I know I’m also allowing this to happen because we are always rescuing her, we keep trying.

The truth is I’m terrified to let her go. I’m terrified of what will happen but I know I, we have too before she takes us all down. We have to live our lives in peace and calmness. I need my life back.

I’ve asked her to start saving for a place and gave her a date of October that she needs to have a place of her own. She needs to know that there’s no safety net anymore. We are holding her back by allowing her to continue to relapse and have absolutely no repercussions.

Fear is horrible when it comes to your children. The what ifs. Fear also holds us hostage. It holds us back. Letting her go is what we have to do for us as well as her. She will never grow being under our control, as she puts it, she won’t go further because we’ve always saved her.

Its time I save myself, time I give her the room to do as she pleases without having to explain herself to us or feeling as if she will be on the street. Maybe she will do better having her own space, having to pay for a roof over her head, be more accountable. Maybe she will finally see the right way.

No matter when your children move out for whatever reason its torture. Our hearts cry and want too hold and keep them forever but we have to let go, we have to let them be free to be responsible and accountable for the choices they make. My heart aches as I write this because I have made a tough decision, one I must stick too. Not just for my daughter but for me and those around me.

I’ve done my work, its up to her to do hers.

Making this decision is so hard for parents, spouses, friends, but its one that needs to be made when your dealing with someone close to you that is struggling with addiction. If you’re in this situation, sit down with them and make a plan, set boundaries and stick to them. If you’re caught up in the chaos no one can help anyone. You’re all in this circle that has no exit until you make the hard decision to stop letting their addiction run your life.

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

What experiences in life helped me grow the most.

beingmesober

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

There are so many experiences we go through in life and don’t even realize how much we have grown. I think its later in life that we look back and relive the experience to see how much we’ve grown, how much it taught us and what strength we are capable of.

Having my children helped me grow, grow into the mother I always wanted to be. My divorce gave me so much fear but also strength and from that I grew to a stronger, independent, and determined person. My sobriety has also shown me just how strong I am. My determination and dedication to making myself better. That was a huge growth for me. I was finally able to walk alone if I ever had too. It gave me the peace and happiness and calmness I searched for for 39 years. I grew into someone I was proud of, who my children and husband can be proud of.

I continue to grow every day. To be better, live better and take care of myself and those around me.

The experiences we go through in life will either lift us or bury us. Take these experiences and learn from them, enjoy them, but always grow from them.

Leisure, Mental Health

What bores me..

beingmesober

What bores you?

When I was about 10, I told my dad one day as he was digging a huge trench for hedges around our new home, I told him I was bored! Man, was that a mistake. He looked at me and said, “You have a bike, a pool everything you want, and you’re bored”? “Ya, I said, “I dont want to do any of that.” He told me to grab a shovel and start digging and fill up the wheelbarrow, when I was full to take it down the road. Down the road wasn’t just 2 houses down, it was a good jaunt and I think I did about 10 loads. I was exhausted and made a mental note that day to never tell my dad I was bored.

Today however I sometimes get into a funk where I want to do so many things but can’t seem to get the motivation. Then, I feel bored! What is that? I don’t enjoy those days but I know they will pass.

Mental Health

What my parents were doing at my age.

beingmesober

What were your parents doing at your age?

My parents. Well, let’s see, I’m 55 now, so when they were my age now I was 35.

My mom was and is still married to her husband and they were still working and still going out any chance they could on a Saturday night. Funny, because that’s when my mom and stepfather gave the drink up too, soon after we partied one last time. What a night it was, so so fun! We sang all night long taking turns with the karaoke, we danced all night and eventually closed the bar. We were all so hungover. My mom and stepfather swore they’d never drink again. Although they miss it, they never did drink again. They were so full of life. Today, my stepfather is drastically broken down physically and is mostly bed ridden. My mom is still spunky but slower. Im sure she has one more party in her, a drink free party that is.

Me and Mom

My dad, he was living in Florida and had a successful business, a beautiful home on the canal with a Bertram Yaght and on his 4th wife. Yup! Forth wife! Anyways, he was happy, successful and seemed like he had it all. We were very close and I flew down every chance I could to spend time with him.  He worked hard and played hard. He was a young 55, and even though he ran a business he didn’t have a problem staying up partying in his games room with whoever showed up. He rode Harleys and played the character well. He loved racing down the street in his Corvette when the right opportunity came. He never got past the age of 19, he stayed young. Both my parents stayed young, and im happy to have inherited that quality of character.

Ironic this question was asked today. My father was put on life support one year ago tomorrow due to a severe heart attack awaiting surgery. He was taken off February 19th 2025.

Today has been a rather sad day. I’ve been thinking of my dad and all the times we shared laughing and having a blast but also turbulence during those years. The speed of time, the moments, the glimpse of another time now gone.

I often reflect about them being  at this age, then this age, them at my age at 55.

I now know why my mom did certain lifestyle changes at 55, but at 35, I didn’t quite get it.

I also know that my dad should have changed his lifestyle way before his 4th wife but it wasn’t up too me. I did however have conversations with him asking, telling him to change.

He passed away married to his 5th wife but very sick and unhappy. Rest his soul.

Looking where they are now and knowing in 20 years I will be my moms age, first is crazy, but second, I’m going to take care of myself and enjoy every single day I have, as I do now but do better, be better and stay young ❤️

Mental Health

Is trauma inherited?

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all doing well. I want to ask this question for some feedback and opinions.

While I was doing my morning scroll sitting with my coffee and pup, I came across a reel about trauma being inherited. It made me go, hmmm????

Could it be inherited? I know for a fact trauma is passed down. We all know that, but could it be passed down genetically?

Part of me thinks possibly, not due to genetics but subconscious. During pregnancy as your baby is developing, the brain is developing, so if you have a stressful, abusive, unsupportive pregnancy are those emotions transferred through you to your baby? Even though our memories are not there when we enter the world until our toddler years and beyond, but, what about our subconscious? Is it in there somewhere we can’t access but only demonstrate leaving those around us in shock for the behavior and wondering why they acted out this way? 🤔  Is it a gene, like alcoholism, or is it in our subconscious brain in the womb?

I’ve been victim to parents who have unresolved trauma and never seeked therapy. Was my trauma more than what it is because I’ve also inherited both of my parents trauma?

I don’t know the answer to that but I’m interested in what others think about this too.