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Mental Health

Powerless….

Hello all and Happy New Year!

I have been a member of a really good online group called “In The Rooms”. It’s a site that gives meetings online so anyone who has a computer and internet can attend. It has been really good to become a member and helps remind me of the things that I had once been succumbed to, such as, being, POWERLESS. Being POWERLESS over a situation or a disease that has your life. I was POWERLESS over alcohol.

I was POWERLESS over that voice in my head that told me not to drink, to stop drinking, to not black out, to not lose my shit! I was POWERLESS to know when enough was enough, and POWERLESS over my emotions because I couldn’t handle it, or anything else for that matter, while I was drinking.

That’s part of the alcoholism, a mental disease, the POWERLESSNESS of our minds not allowing us to escape the need, the want of something that is not healthy or good for you or anyone around you. POWERLESS.

Once you realize you do have the POWER to stop your mind, stop your behavior and manage your emotions with a clear and sober head, the world you live in becomes manageable and POWERFUL. You control your thoughts, actions and attitude. But, only when you see and admit that you are POWERLESS and change what it is that has taken over the person you truly are and are meant to be.

Stop….Think…..Breath…..Relinquish the POWER that we all hold in us.

Be a POWER-HOUSE when embarking on your journey.

For anyone interested in checking out the website here is the link: www.intherooms.com

 

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

The Doctors….

There has been a lot of talk lately about teens over dosing on heavy drugs such as heroin and cocaine. But the strange thing is, is that these healthy, full of life people (kids) started by going to see their family doctor about an injury at school . The doctors prescribe them pain killers such as percocet, oxycodone etc for the pain. When the doctors feel they have had enough they would no longer prescribe the drugs, which then leads the patient to seek the “high” or self medicate for pain and they turn to heroine or cocaine or any other potent life killing drug.

I know of someone very close to me that had been suffering with pain and started taking percocet to ease the pain and before you know it she was hooked.

She now suffers from nausea, IBS, headaches, dizziness, fatigue, and mood disorders due to the perks. She is in and out of doctors offices and getting poked and every bit of her body scanned to find the cause and source of the pain.

You have to know that she was a very active women who is now pretty much bed ridden, in constant pain and depressed because she can not do anything she used to be able to do.

These doctors prescribe these deadly drugs, pharmaceutical companies continue to make and sell these deadly drugs and pretty much get away with murder as far as I am concerned.

Something needs to be done with the prescription drugs these docs are allowed to give to our children or family members. I am not sure what that is yet but, I have read a lot about marijuana and the benefits it has for pain and depression. Marijuana is illegal still on the streets, but it is accessible through clinics, legally. It’s a natural form of pain relief and can boost your serotonin in the brain to lift your spirits when suffering form pain or mental depression. There are a lot of benefits to the drug that doctors need to pay attention to and stop killing with the powder synthetic drugs they push on to our family and friends.

This is, Being Me Sober.

 

Mental Health

Knowing….

If I had of known my life would be this great, it wouldn’t of taken me so long to get here.

I thought my life was great when I drank. I could really open up and talk, get things off my mind. I know now that noone was listening.

I thought I had it all, I know now that I had nothing.

I thought my children were fine, I know now they were hurting.

I thought I looked great, I know now that I looked my worst.

I thought I was a good role model, I know now that I was no model at all.

I thought I would die, I know now I am so alive.

This Is, Being Me Sober

 

Mental Health

How do we know if someone is alcoholic……

Someone close to me once asked, “Well how come “they” aren’t an alcoholic and so and so is?”

My answer, “Because of the patterns and track record of their drinking.” It’s hard to explain to someone in a few words when they have little knowledge or understanding of the disease.

How do we know if someone has an addiction problem? We have been told what to watch for in addiction ridden people and there are patterns and consistent behaviour associated with them when they drink or use.

It is very easy and naive of people to judge based on what they see “sometimes” when around people “sometimes.”

Here are a few things to look for when you are faced with questioning whether you’re dealing with someone that has too many drinks one night or is going through a rough patch and they may drink more than usual for that period of time and eventually come back to their “normal” drinking patterns after time has passed.

If you see the following happening, it’s time to have a conversation with that person or yourself:

– Drinking is a priority for you

– Losing control of yourself

– Knowing to stop but continue anyway

– People start to distance themselves from your life

– Not fun anymore

– Problems at home and/or work

– Having no money but always having enough for alcohol/drugs

– Less self care

– Loss of focus of things that were once important to you and/or your family

– Feeling of shame

– Feeling at a lose

– Emotioinal instability

– Blackouts

– Losing control of your body functions, eg: wetting the bed, vomiting in bed etc.

– Continuous loss of personal items eg: cell phone, wallet, etc.

– Anger when using/drinking

– Hostility towards others

– Blame

– Depression when not drinking/using

– Trouble with the law, jail, charges etc.

– Violence

There are many factors and actions to look for in someone who has a problem. We can not generalize ones actions by only being with them a few times or a family and friends looking in from the outside. We have a track record of reckless behavior when we are intoxicated. We have more bad situations than good, we repeat our mistakes, even after swearing not to do it again. We have many problems that only ourselves and people who are with us day in and day out can see or be subjected too and can really truly understand the meaning of or labeling someone with alcoholic. It does not happen over night, it does not happen in a few months, it takes years to come to the conclusion and realization that there is a problem.

Don’t ever be afraid to question……knowledge is power!

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

The lump….

Just an update on my lump, thank you to all with your kind words and support! I am clear of cancer and doc says it’s just a cyst!!!! Phew, what a scare. I thought I would only have seen or lived 8 years of the best my life had to give me. What a scare it is to sit and think of the possibilities we may have to face when we are faced with possible illness or diseases and yes possible death, some we have no control over.

We have control over the choices we make when it comes to the disease of addictions, we can stop with the right support and care of ourselves, mindset and the right people at our side. 

Sit and think of how good life is when we are in control of our destiny. Think and chose sobriety!

Wishing you all a happy healthy life at it’s best!

Being Me Sober

Mental Health

A lump….

It was Sunday morning and as I lay in bed watching my husband sleep, ya, weird maybe, my arm was resting on my left breast and I felt a lump. Instant terror. My mind went crazy thinking of the big “C”.  If I die, who will be here for my family, everything I have accomplished and the life I have come to live and love the past 8 years of sobriety may be over? What!?

I am 47, they say it is quite common for women my age to have cystic lumps because of hormonal change. Until it is confirmed your mind goes crazy. You wonder how can you go through the treatment, how could you leave the life you have so much come to love, you start thinking of things you haven’t done yet and start planning to do those things.

Why do we do that? Why do we wait in life to do things, why postpone or procrastinate on things that we haven’t yet done.

Don’t wait until you are faced with a life altering situation to make your life a full life.

Live, love and make everyday the best. You never know how long we will be here or healthy enough to really enjoy it.

 

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

How is “success” measured….

That word, success, successful, succeeded….let’s put money out of heads for a bit, I know as well as everyone that money, yes it does help but, it’s not everything and it’s certainly not the most important thing.

We’ve all wondered and asked ourselves, “Am I successful?” Most think of money as a sign or symbol of how “successful” they are in life or how they want the world to see them, a statement is made shall we say.

I myself was guilty of what I perceived as success. What I thought was, you had to have a lot of money, a high exec position, cars, etc. because I wasn’t making as much money as I felt I should have, or as much as other members of my family. I didn’t look at myself as a successful person. I have always worked hard, I actually had my own business that yes, it was, “successful” in the eyes of perception, but  Istill did not think/feel I was successful, enough.  I lacked the feelings and knowledge or sight of what real success is and means.

Success to me today is what you have done, how you’ve behaved or what you’ve accomplished in your life thus far. Not about money or material things you have collected, not about what car you drive, or the size of house you live in. It’s about things that matter, it’s about you, your children, your family, your friends and how you look at and treat the life and world in which you live.

It’s about being truly happy with yourself, with few regrets, and the way you have lived and how you present yourself throughout your life, how you have treated others and how they treat you is an example of success. How will you want to leave your mark on the world? Imagine listening to someone at a funeral, “Ya, he/she had it all, so successful, but he/she was so miserable.” Or “They didn’t have much, but they were such a happy family!”

If someone asked me today, if I have been successful in life, I would give a difinitive, YES. I have raised 2 awesome kids, I have an amazing husband and 2 beautiful (step) daughters, (hate that word) I have survived and conquered a chaotic childhood and healed internally and externally.  I broke the chain with my children by not abusing them physically or emotionally. I have kept up my sobriety for myself and my family. There are so many things that I have succeeded in or at so far. I didn’t really see success that way, I saw it as many of us do, money, image, perception.

So, ask yourself, are you “successful” in the ways that really matter.
This is Being Me Sober…

Mental Health

Finding peace with a Support animal….

Growing up we always had a family dog. I have found that I have a special connection with animals. I don’t know if it is because I am a huge animal lover or they can really feel how much I adore them.

When I suggested to my husband that we get another dog, he was hesitant of course because we had a house full already of kids and a pug!

I was 3 months sober when our Golden Retriever, Molly, came into our lives. What a blessing she has been.

She lay with me and never left my side when I was sad, or happy for that matter, and could sense when things were not going well for me. Whether she gave me a paw on my leg or looked at me with her big brown eyes almost telling me, “It will be okay mommy.” If things were stressful for me when I had urges to drink I would take her for a walk or just sit and talk to her and pet her.

We purchased a condo in Florida with a “NO PET” policy and after some time I started to realize how hard it was for me too not have Molly with me , so I took the steps necessary too have her registered as an Emotional Support Animal. It was not difficult, however you do need a doctors note and proof of your support needs to qualify.

So, with proper documents in hand and filled with excitement because Molly would be joining us at the condo, after all it is illegal for them to refuse her. I filled out the necessary papers for the condo board and sent it off. They got back to me within 24hrs with a NO! What! Oh no! What could I do now.

I told my husband that we either get a lawyer/attorney or we are buying a house down South because I will not and can not travel without Molly.

I was determined and angry that they were breaking the law and saying no to me. Doing a lot of research I came across a website for such things and was given a lawyer/attorney name and number and we were set to fight! After months of arguing with the board they had no other choice but too allow Molly too come to the condo. It is illegal for any board, company or condo corp to deny your Service/Emotional support animal.

After all was done and the condo board relented and said yes, we never heard anything from the attorney who helped me/us. She didn’t ask or send a bill for payment. It’s almost like she was my angel helping me. She was just gone. I hope she knows how grateful we are that Molly can be with us when we travel. Another amazing thing is that she is able to ride on the plane with me. She just goes under the seat in front of me and sleeps the whole way. Oh, and she is a star at the airport!

The moral of the story is that when you decide too become clean and sober, may I suggest a pet? They are an amazing companion too help in your journey. Just the love, happiness and support they give too us is unimaginable, we don’t realize how much they really do for our soul and health.

I will be forever grateful for my furbaby (and the attorney). Molly has been one of my major support systems in getting sober. She brings a smile too my face everyday and fills me with endless love.

If you are thinking of getting a pet and need to have them registered here is the information:

National Service Animal Registry – 1866-737-3930

http://www.nsarco.com

Have a pawfect day!

This is Being Me Sober…..

 

Mental Health

Trippin in BC……

Last week my husband and I went to see our daughter in BC for a 5 km trail run. It was great, not just the trip but to share a great memory with my husband and his youngest daughter. 

I can not tell you if you have never been to BC how beautiful it is and I now see why people migrate there and never return. It is breath taking and a return visit is already being planned.

We did some tours, spent a couple days at the beach and walked around the city.

Umugst the 360 panoramic mountain views and beaches, there is another side that is very disturbing to witness.

Its a swarm of lost souls there that is a devastating site to witness and imagine your life as such or what could of become of our disease.

We saw the homeless, prostitutes and the addicted, the struggles of people that have lost their way in the world. 

To see someone in broad daylight behind a building on a step putting a needle in her arm?! Why has she chosen this life? Was there no one or nothing that meant enough to her for her to stop? Or the young man asleep at noon on a park bench with all of his belongings beside him. Seeing grown intoxicated, high, men getting arrested yelling, “its my 3rd assault charge so whats the big deal for another!” The old men, some sitting drinking or lost in their buzz or passed out on the ground til they awake to get to lost again in their next drunk or high.  What has gone so wrong in their life to be and stay at this point?

I have heard that once your on the street some actually like it, prefer it to where they came from. Is it the drug that has been infused into their system so deep that they believe that to be true?

It was hard for me to see that as I have come so far to get to 8 years of sobriety and would never go back. Is it money, family, not knowing where and how to get out? Why,  is all I kept asking myself. 
I’ve lived a sheltered life it seems because I don’t just walk by like its another day at the park, I walk by and it stops me in my tracks and fills me with sorrow and a yearning to save them. To show them….to help them see through a crystal ball the life they could have….if only I could. 

If I had more time I would have liked to stop by their corner and talk to one of them to listen to their stories and share mine and show them that it would be such a better life if they could get and stay clean. Maybe they have been told so many times before and have been abandoned now by their family and friends because they’ve chosen the high or drunk instead of love.  But maybe, just maybe someone will come along and say something to them that shines the light and helps them see.

If only I could.

This is, Being Me Sober.