Tag: #fear

Mental Health

The hard years…

beingmesober

What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?

My hardest years from 1998 – 2009. Staying in a marriage that was abusive towards me and my son. Eventually getting out. The years I drank to escape. The years I felt so alone. The years I wished I wasn’t here. The years of escape drinking.

My kids got me through those years. My son 11 and daughter 8. I had to be strong for them.

When I decided to end the marriage, 2004, it wasn’t easy. I was a stay at home mom. That was my career. I did work here and there and eventually started my own cleaning company.  I didn’t have money to up and leave.

My ex had a problem paying me support. Not because we didn’t have the money. We did. We were very successful and owned a business that he eventually destroyed. He refused to buy food for us, my car was repoed and he stopped paying the mortgage and the utilities.

My mom was in my life and had helped me with the mortgage until it sold. Her and my stepfather lent us a vehicle and somehow I was able to put food on the table.

Once our home sold, me and the kids packed up and moved closer to my mom. We left our dream home behind to never return to that part of life. As we drove away in the moving truck I was sad but happy. I was sad that it ended the way it did after 12 years together, but I was happy to have escaped, finally.

I knew we could make it just the 3 of us and I was looking forward to the future.

I was still fighting with my ex and eventually gave up on his support. Emotionally I couldn’t fight anymore. I was exhausted.

The money from selling our home wasn’t going to last and I had to start my cleaning company again in the area we moved but knew it wouldn’t be enough without my exs help. So, I put my head down and walked into the welfare office and applied.

How on earth did we get here? We had money, we had everything at such a young age. The big house, the cars, the underground pool and all the toys and there I was walking in too ask for help from the government. 

It was temporary I always told myself and no one needs to know. As soon as I made enough money to support us 3 I would get off welfare. The anger grew. The feeling of complete failure grew.

We lived on it for a year and I was back on my feet. I, we didn’t need my exs help. We can do this, and we did.

I tried to protect my kids from their father and his drunk abusive ways but the courts didn’t help. I eventually gave up on that too and decided to let my kids figure out how bad their father is and why we couldn’t stay. Why I was trying to keep them from him.

He never did pay one cent of support on his own efforts, but because I filed with the FRO – Family Responsibility Office, anytime my ex got a tax return my support was deducted or was deducted from his pay. So he stopped doing his taxes! Got a job that paid cash or just didn’t work. It was okay tho because I wasn’t stuck anymore, I was happy, I had my kids and that’s all I needed. We didn’t have a lot of money but we had each other.

I made our rental home nice and we had fun. My kids are my life and I would and did do everything and anything to make us happy and content.

The kids do have a relationship with their father. Not ideal but he’s in their life. He has helped them as they got older and of course doesn’t have to go through me to give money to get to them. So warped how some think.

Everything we went through was worth the finish line to get us too where we are now. We are happy, humble and stronger than we gave ourselves credit for. It left scars, deep deep scars especially for my son but together we made something so unimaginable into something worth fighting for. Peace and happiness.

Mental Health

What fear I have overcome..

beingmesober

What’s a fear you’ve overcome — and how did you do it?

If we look back and think of all the fears we’ve overcome over our life.

Remember the monsters 👻,  the ghosts 👻 or the creaking or knocking we’d hear when the house was dark and quiet. How about the dark? I have to say I would be fearful in the dark if I was unfamiliar or alone. So to conquer that I turn lots of lights on!

I use to be terrified to speak in front of an audience or a group of people. Its a very uncomfortable feeling. Sweating, shaking, voice quivering. All of it I use to have. Is it age or self confidence or overcoming fear?

This ties in to yesterday’s prompt of self confidence. I’ve had to get up recently and speak to a large group of people at a funeral. Before I spoke, I read out the letter I was preparing to read so I wouldn’t fumble words. I told myself they are not judging me or talking about me up there, they are listening and probably wishing they had the courage to get up and say something.

Fear is many times something we create in our minds. Our minds play very tricky games. I believe the older we get we release a lot of fears we once had but, there will always be fear when we haven’t tried something new or are not familiar with it.

Overcoming is the hardest part. Think of the opportunity or the outcome of “what if” we didn’t let fear rule us.

Don’t let fear take you away from growth. Stare fear in the face and conquer!

Mental Health

How I handle fear and self doubt.

beingmesober

How do you handle fear and self-doubt?

Fear and self doubt mixed with self sabotage, the intrusive thoughts. We all have it. Some, worse than others, and some just excel in everything they do and have managed to keep those thoughts and feelings at bay and push through.

Having those feelings can be much more complex from an abusive childhood, being bullied in school and/or work, or have been rejected more times than accepted.

As I’ve gotten older I’m not as timid or shy but that doesn’t mean I have no fear or self doubt. I’ve struggled many times in my 55 years but I’ve never given up. I’m also a procrastinator..oh gosh, yes, I am. That could be from fear and self doubt. When I first discovered fluid art I wanted to try it. I started on a small canvas and eventually wanted to try a large 36 x 48 canvas. It looked massive to me at that time. It sat against the wall for weeks. Every time I walked by I would stop and stare. Ugh, I kept thinking. Its so big. I can’t do it.

I finally decided now or never. How will I excel at art if I am scared or don’t try. I completed the piece and I liked it okay. Everyone loved it. My friends and strangers were complimenting me on how nice it was, how much talent it took to create that! I was so honored and proud. My art took off from there and the funny thing is I only like to work on large canvases now. I’m really enjoying my textured Art I’ve learned and created some nice pieces.

So the next time your mind tells you you can’t do something ask yourself who is saying that. Who says you can’t do something that excites you or helps you grow? We are here to express ourselves in whatever brings us happiness and love.

YOU are capable. YOU can do whatever you set your mind to you just have to try and try again. Quiet those voices with anticipation and determination.