Tag: #choices

Leisure

A risk I took that I don’t regret.

beingmesober

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

Would a blind date be a risk? I guess it was for me. What happens if it totally goes wrong, what if I really like him but he doesn’t like me?

My stepfather started talking about this gentleman shortly after I was separated from my ex. My stepfather kept asking if this person had called me yet. He was telling me how he would be perfect for me. Makes decent money and is raising his 2 daughter’s on his own.  I told him the last thing I need is a man in my life. I wanted to and had to concentrate on what I was doing, where I was going. I was emotionally unavailable, I wasn’t myself then. I was drinking and raising 2 young children.

2 years has gone by and my stepfather is still talking to me about this guy! He’s also talking too the gentleman about me, and asking if he’s called yet. My stepfather was determined for us to meet.

May 23 2006 my future husband called. He asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee. Of course we both felt obligated to go on the date so I said sure!

I was skeptical about him because he is in the financial industry and he is not someone that I typically go for. He is 10 years older than me which was a plus. More secure and knew what he wanted. But I had this image in my mind that he was a “Banker” I had an image of Mr. Cleaver in my mind. I thought he probably doesn’t even drink. Little did I know. Little did he know.

We went for a walk around the lake and to my surprise he asked if I wanted to go for a beer somewhere. Ohhhh wow! Okay, he does drink. Well ya! I responded. Luckily we had to drive home so we couldn’t stay long. He asked me if I wanted to go for dinner the following evening. I accepted. He was/is super nice, good looking and wants so many things that I want. What was really attractive was the fact he was raising 2 teenaged daughters on his own. He is an amazing father.

May 25 2026 will be 20 years we’ve been together! 13 years married and ironically it is also 17 years of sobriety for me. That determination my stepfather had I am extremely thankful and grateful for. He did more than set us up, he saved me in a way he never knew, I never knew. When we met for coffee that day it was the beginning of something so magical and heaven sent.

I took a risk that day by meeting someone totally out of character for me and it changed not only my life but my kids too. We had a lot of work ahead of us but we made it through. We have an amazing blended family with 7 grandchildren.

I will never regret saying yes to the “Banker”. Nor will I ever forget what these 2 men brought to my life 🙏❤️

Mental Health

The Break-Up

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you are all striving to be your best selves.

Breaking up, ugh the pain is horrible. Its never ending. The crippling anxiety and heartache. You question everything about yourself. Was it me? 🤔 You don’t think you’re ever going to have anything good in life.

Doesn’t that sound familiar? It’s the same as removing alcohol from your life. Having to be forced to be without something is going to make you grieve. It will be the same cycle as grief.

Your going to be accepting it at first, you’ll cry, or feel sad that you can no longer have this be a part of your life anymore. Then the anger sets in, and your pissed that you can’t drink! Everyone drinks! But not everyone drinks like us warrior’s do…not good! Then you feel little sputter flutters of happiness and literal excitement. You’re starting to feel proud of yourself and physically notice a difference. Your complexion is glowing, your eyes are sparkling and that smile is back and boy, do you look good!

These emotions were what I went through very early on in my first year of removing alcohol from my life. Breaking up is an example that I can use to explain to others when they are experiencing these outbursts of emotions and have no clue why.

These emotions we go through in recovery don’t last forever. You have to know it absolutely gets better. You’ve got to push through, surrounding yourself with good support groups. Take your time with yourself and most importantly, LOVE yourself.

This is, Being Me Sober

Mental Health

A decision I made that helped me learn and grow.

beingmesober

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

Decisions, decisions. We all have decisions to make, some major changes or little changes over time.

The one decision I’ve made over the last while are setting boundaries. Boundaries for things or people that aren’t aligned with you. Boundaries for respect and being treated the way you deserve.

I’ve been setting boundaries around people since I’ve been in recovery. It took a long time for me to see and accept that these people were not growing as I was. They were still stuck in their old ways, their lifestyle hadn’t changed and no longer offered the type of love or recognition I deserved. I couldn’t stand by and watch or hear the lies and betrayal. I couldn’t accept the fact that there was no accountability for actions that were done. I couldn’t play the game any longer. I couldn’t keep the secrets and pretend everything was as it looked. I had to walk away, slowly, until I realized this isn’t something I want to do anymore. I was tired of fighting to be seen and heard. I was tired of him choosing alcohol over his family. Over himself.  I was just so tired.

I was exhasted and sick of fighting for myself and what I deserved. Finally, I woke up and chose myself instead of forming to what others wanted me to do or be. I was tired of the people closest to me treating me like their punching bag and saying whatever they wanted to me.

Since I was little I’ve been subjected to verbal and physical abuse. That left me feeling extremly insecure. It allowed me to accept things that a stronger version of myself would not tolerate. I was living in fear, flight or fight mode for so long until I made the decision to change it. Until I was healthy enough, until my mind and eyes were clear. No haze, no denial. The more I got better the more I couldn’t accept this behavior towards me. It was time I stood up for myself no matter who it was that I had to walk away from in order to learn and grow.

There will be more hard decisions I will have to make as time goes on but I am learning to only accept those that have respect and offer me the same as I offer them, people or things that elevate me, bring me peace and stability.

The one decision I made to want better for myself and my inner being was never an easy one because walking away meant no more talking, no more visits, no more acknowledgment from the one person I depended on more than life itself. The one person who was my best friend and confidant. The one person I held secrets for for so many years. The one person that truly held my heart. My dad. I’ve never felt a true heart ache until I walked away and got no phone call or message asking where I went or what was wrong. I waited so many years for him to acknowledge me and that never came. It really opened my eyes to the true man he was. Lost in his own trauma that he never made the decision to change. I could no longer be a part of his trauma.

This year I am being selfish and protecting myself from others unresolved trauma that they force upon me with their hurtful words or accusations. I am setting boundries to improve my life, my stability and recovery.

The decision is yours.

This is, Being Me Sober