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EN * A * BLE – To give someone or something the authority or means to do something.

As much as we think we don’t enable , the sad truth is, we all do it in one shape or form. It’s because we care and we think we are doing the right thing. It’s until we finally say, “I, we can’t do this anymore. What do we do?”

As I mentioned, enabling comes from many different situations and sources. And one of the hardest things to do is to change and face the deeper problems there are, and temporarily or permanently walk away.

Where do you start?

If you are dealing with emotional or physical abuse, you need to stand up and take action with whatever it is that is causing you to plead for help. When someone is put in a situation as such, the denial and excuses process starts. Unfortunately the denial and excuses are NOT HELPING. By doing this your not only hurting the most important person who is, yourself, but you are also hurting the ones who are subjecting you to the utter chaos in yours and most likely others lives. As I said, You, are allowing it to happen. Not until you say, NO MORE, will anything change.

Address the situation with the person that is hurting you. Sometimes people may not know what they are doing if it is not brought to their attention. Yes….this is true in some cases. Most people can acknowledge that they have been off kilter but, they too make excuses for their own behaviour. Why? Fear of accountability, memory loss, due to blackouts, associated with alcohol, bipolar disorder, too name a few. They promise to change, and give apologies time after time, buy you things, the list goes on. People make mistakes sure, but if its reoccuring time after time, something is wrong and it needs to be dealt with. If the person chooses not too?  You can seek professional help for yourself for steps to take or ultimately walk away.

We all have made or make choices in our lives that will help or hurt someone. It’s hard to accept that our loved ones are going off the rails or your marriage may end or you no longer can see or help your children, but when you consider the risks involved the only choice we have is too stop it from happening and this may require you to walk away permanently or temporarily. Its not until they seek the help they need and stick to the program that your life along with theirs will change.

Its time to make a decision, will you continue to help dig the hole for your loved one or drop the shovel and say, “NO MORE”!

 

This is, Being Me Sober

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday as I was scrolling through my facebook and I came across this amazing video that a bar has put into their men’s bathroom. It may seem creepy to some but it has an effect.

Check it out at https://www.facebook.com/WeSaveLives and spread the word to the world and lets do something to decline the rates of Drinking and Driving. It is time people stop and think before they put their own and others lives in their hands.

https://wesavelives.org

We are NOT invincible.

This is, Being Me Sober

When I heard on the radio last week that a women is suing the lottery company for ruining her life after she hit the jackpot, I was ashtonished. Really? Are we that far out of our minds that someone will blame another for the luck of good fortune that comes into their lives such as the lottery?  Well, yes. We all blame others for what is wrong in our lives.

The lottery didn’t ruin her/his life, they did by how they acted and chose to spend their riches. The lottery didn’t say, “With this money you must…..”

No matter what we are not taking responsibility for in our life, there is at one point, when we have to accept and blame only ourselves.

We are quick to lay blame for what it is that has caused us to be where we are today.

It’s easier that way, we don’t have to be responsible in a way to fix it or make it right because well, it wasn’t our fault!

During my drinking days I would always blame those who hurt me for why I drank and became an alcoholic. No! I chose to pick up that glass and refill it every time it was empty or till I had no more booze left. Because I was in a bad marriage wasn’t why I was an alcoholic, that is the way I chose to deal with it instead of leaving 5 years before I did. Of course it was inevitable because it is a disease but if I chose to not deal with it with a bottle I may not have been subjected to as much abuse as my son and I were.

I can no longer blame my parents for the childhood I had that made me an alcoholic. I accepted my fate and dealt with it by accepting responsibility for MY ACTIONS and stopped!

No matter what it is in life that you are blaming others for, stop and look in the mirror and take a really good look at your own actions and choices and then maybe there will be some blame to lay but before you do, make sure it is for good reason.

This is, Being Me Sober

When we grew up the old riddle went like this:

Stickes and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

How could they be so wrong?

Stickes and stones may break my bones, yes, but words can kill me.

Think before you react or speak. Scares from physical abuse fade on our skin and in our minds but words we chose to speak or have been subjected to can destroy us for as long as we live.

This is, Being Me Sober

There was a DUI case I was following about a young and beautiful,  21 year old who decided to get behind the wheel of her car after binge drinking for 4 hrs. I must say though, she has had a past of drinking heavily and experiencing black-outs. At this particular time she had a few days of soberly  under her belt, 5 days to be exact, when she got in her car.

How do I know all of this?

I know her, very well, she is my daughter.

While at her hearing the  Judge was very gentle with her and said  it was his fault, the justice systems fault, for not getting through to people about the consequences with drinking and driving and especially, young adults. There has to be harder punishment and more awareness.

He lectured our daughter about how he was not mad, he was disappointed.

He continued by telling her that she did not have to “quit” drinking. You just can’t drink and get behind the wheel of a car.

I was flabbergasted! How can he tell her, or anyone for that matter, you don’t have to “quit” drinking!

He has NO idea of her struggles with alcohol. Her black out episodes or her lack of control over alcohol. Those are words of excitement for an alcoholic. He assumes, like I did when it first started to get a little crazy, it’s her age, she’ll grow out of it…all those excuses to deni the truth of an alcoholic.

The Judge made a mistake that day. He should never tell anyone, especially at a DUI hearing that, “They don’t have to “quit” drinking.

He said the justice system should be more aware, why don’t they start with that. Be “aware” of who they’re talking too while they sit behind their podium and express opinions or comments.  Maybe that’s why they call it Blind Justice, they don’t see past the person they are sentencing or lecturing.

We as alcohol or drug addiction survivors need to do something about the epidemic of drinking/drugs and the young people today that are getting so caught up in what they think is cool or fun.

It is a deadly decease and they seem to be immune to the consequences of what can really happen.

We need to take action!

This is, Being Me Sober

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was taught to respect people

I was taught not blame others and accept responsibility

I was taught to be honest

I was taught to be a good person

I was taught to not hit people or be physically violent

I learned to be quiet when I should of spoke up

I learned to hide

I learned to repress my emotions

I learned to be angry

I learned how to be someone I wasn’t to cope

I learned the effects of alcohol

I learned how to live sober

I learned who he really is

While growing up I was taught how to do the above and I learned from the person who taught me is none of what he teaches or preaches. I am confused at how I can practice and learn such important values in life and the person who taught me doesn’t accept and/or follow.

How is that possible? Was he trying to teach me how to not be like him?

Confused…

This  is, Being Me Sober

 

 

Anxiety…Ugh, have you been cursed with that?

I have, at times, severe. Like I need anything else on my plate! I also know I am not alone.

When I first started experiencing anxiety I thought it was my nerves. I never really knew what anxiety was, or the correct name for my “nerves” going off the rails.

I spoke to a friend the other day when she shared her feelings and how she was dealing with them.  She felt bad because all she wanted to do was be alone and sleep.

These are typical signs and symptoms of anxiety along with sweats, shaking, stomach summersaults, and a totally uneasy feeling of disparity  and depression. It is not pleasant!

A few things I suggested for her to do was to sleep! Not all day, but have naps, sleep in if you can, try to get out for a while and either take a walk or go somewhere you enjoy to take your mind off things. Start journaling about your feelings, its amazing what comes out of you when you write. Try stay away from to much caffeine, replace it with different herbal teas instead.

When anxiety hits it can come from any source and sometimes for no reason at all.

Here are somethings that may help when we get hit by anxiety:

*Talk to someone about how your feeling

*Try yoga

*Listen to your favorite music

*Journal

*Colour (ya, its still cool at our age!)

*Practice breathing technics

*Get your comfy clothes on with a cozy blanket and watch a great movie

*Cry, we need to release this energy, so don’t hold back if you just want to cry!

*Talk to someone, you’re not alone! (This is so important, hence the repeat)

*Stay away from too much caffeine

*Go through old stuff in your home and organize, its amazing what you find that you forgot about.

*If your anxiety is caused by someone close to you, stay off social media where there’s a chance you will encounter them.

Find something that helps you and repeat.

When I saw my friend that day and we shared our stories and fits with anxiety, I never knew how I made her feel by just sitting, sharing and listening to her. She has thanked me so much and told me how good it made her feel that she’s not alone and there is someone who understands what it’s like.

At times when we feel isolated and misunderstood, there is someone out there that knows exactly what we go through…..You’re not alone.

 

This is, Being Me Sober

 

 

I forgive you for the fear you instilled in me at 4 years old

I forgive you for the insecurities you gave me

I forgive you for the way you have treated women

I forgive you for leaving our family for a new one

I forgive you for not being the man I thought you were

I forgive you for doubting me

I forgive you for all the times I was lost and you weren’t there for me

I forgive you for not being there for my children

I forgive you for hurting me

I forgive you for being a coward

I forgive you because this is who you are

I forgive you

-KP 2017

This is, Being Me Sober

 

 

 

 

 

There are so many emotions I went through in the beginning of this amazing journey. Some of them being, what will people think of me, what will they say, will they like me, and so on.  That and other thoughts ran through my mind when I decided to get sober.

I will admit I am not really a normal recovering alcoholic because I still love going to bars, mind you, they need to be of my taste, not some old, hole in the wall. I prefer a pub, a beach bar etc. I still have so much fun, I love all the people, the music and the atmosphere. It also reminds me again of why I don’t drink but can be quite comical or very sad at times too.

My husband and I have a place in Florida and there is a bar at the beach we go to, see our friends and hang out for a couple hours. I can leave if I want, if it gets to much, so I have an escape outlet, or we just leave when I’m ready.  We’ve met some really great people there. They know I don’t drink and I have had many compliments, given mini counselling sessions, and some people that ask why I am there if i don’t drink.

We went yesterday to celebrate New Year’s Day and watch the football game with some friends. While I was standing there a gentleman that I’ve seen a few times, said hello, that kind of thing. He comes over and shakes our hands and says Happy New Year then puts his arm around me and says, “Your my idol,” “oh, why’s that?” I ask, (geez, I don’t even know his name!!) he then says, “I’ve been watching you you know and I have to say, it is absolutely amazing that you come here and never have even one drink, one sip! You are always so happy and full of life”. “Awe, well I said, my family is why I don’t drink, they are what’s important than anything else in this world.” He continues, “You are a special lady and I wish I could do what you have done, cheers to you!”

I was so amazed that someone would come up to me and share what he thinks of me or see’s when I am there, or what other’s may see or think when they see “me”. Maybe nothing all, but it’s okay.

My husband was and is so proud of me and he told me as much yesterday. He continues to be the centre and reason for my sobriety as well as our children and of course myself.

I wanted to share this to let people know who are struggling or doubting that there is such a wonderful NEW life waiting for you, just keep going.

The next time you wonder “what do they think”,  remember this somewhat stranger and his words. YOU are amazing and so worth it and so is what’s ahead for you and me!

This is, Being Me Sober

Phew, talk about going out with a bang! The last 3 months, of my 7 years and 7 months, has rewarded me with just a few of these:  more strength than I gave myself credit for, more patient, and how to be silent,it helped me see things a whole lot clearer, which btw, the clear part has been there for a while, I guess it’s more like confirmation of my feelings and doubts that I had , was I making the right choices and decisions for all involved. I proved to myself by their actions that I have made the right choices and decision. It has been extremely difficult, but I pushed through, sober. I’m fortunate now at this point of my journey, that I don’t think of dealing with the issues by having a drink, it’s actually the farthest thing from my mind. Reason being? The whole issue itself is because of alcohol! Ya, I also chose to get out of that circus ring and stop the cycle. Anyhow, we’ve had a few more hiccups in the road that we have been dealing with again, because of alcohol, this time it’s our children. They are grown adults who made bad choices when intoxicated. We will all as a strong family push through, sober.

So, to sum it up, when I look back at 2016, the only really testy, emotional ride was the last 3 months of the year. Could of been at least not so BAM, BAM, BAM! Yes, I am aware things come in 3’s but seriously! All kidding aside,  I am grateful for my struggles and accomplishments, I now have the strength and expertise and a wonderful husband to help on advising our children about the affects of alcohol and how it rips family’s and people apart.

I would like to make a toast,

To my husband for being the best man in the world.

To my children, all 4, (we’re a blended family) I thank you and wish you much success and all your dreams fulfilled.

To all close to me and our family, Happy New Years we love you all.

Happy New Year to all of the great bloggers out there!

Cheers,

This is, Being Me Sober