Tag: #adapt

Leisure, Mental Health

Are we shaped by experiences or by who we are?

beingmesober

Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?

Are we shaped by experiences or who we are? Both.

Some heavy experiences in life shape our future and who we become for sure. Sets our nervous system. Fight or flight. PTSD, traumatic stress leaves scars, some to never repair. Shapes what we think and who or what we become as adults.

Certain experiences shape who we become. Whether for good or bad.

We as humans learn through watching. Learned behavior which shapes who we are. 

My son being abused by his father verbally and physically left deep scars and who he is today at 33 years young. His anger is still present and his words at times are valgur.  I’ve tried for years to help him but to no avail it’s embedded in him. Without therapy it will continue. I often wondered if I could have left the marriage sooner maybe my son wouldn’t be as scared. I’m happy to report he is an amazing father and doesn’t mistreat his boys or wife. The trigger is there and the switch can flip at anytime.  Hopefully with support and our endless talks he will settle. His experiences definitely affected who he became.

My life experiences definitely shaped who I became. I became the change. The one who broke the chain of abuse and alcoholism. I became the black sheep of my family speaking the truth and not being blind to who certain people were. Speaking the truth left me somewhat alone but I knew what I was doing was helping my scars and becoming who I was born to be. It left me strong and capable of overcoming.

I’m now helping my daughter with her trauma and addiction for everything that has shaped her into the young 30 year old she is.  She is now in therapy and it’s going well. She is slowly becoming the sweet girl she was before all the experiences she has been through.  I will continue to break the chain and circle of alcoholism and abuse in our family.

I knew before having children,  I was going to be everything to them and help shape their life as best I could. To be successful, to love with all their heart and be a good person. To be there for them always, to not abuse them like I was abused as a child, and to not live a life of domestic violence. I would never let that happen. Unfortunately I did end up back in the violence and alcoholism but I never let it change me inside. It may have changed who I was for a short time but I came out on top and used those experiences to help me today with my own kids.

Although the past desicions and home life had a part in who I would have been I used those experiences to my advantage today. I use them to share on here and with my kids. To show them we can do better. Its up to you to decide what you do with what comes along.

Will you concour or let those experiences determine or shape who you were born to be?

Mental Health

One way I’ve grown this year.

beingmesober

What is one way you have grown this year?

The year feels like it’s just begun and here we are half way through.

This prompt ties in again with the other prompts we’ve had about boundries and looking back to our younger selves.

This year I’ve learned to set boundaries without guilt. Without letting whatever it is slide or make excuses.

I’ve grown this year to be more selfish and not offer myself to those who do not respect me. I was unable to do that before and I wasn’t fully happy. I was always on high alert waiting for something to happen, in certain situations. I would avoid a conversation so there was no conflict. I was not respecting myself enough to say enough is enough.

With having grown in that way it’s also helped me communicate better. I am speaking up when something bothers me, instead of avoiding and harboring. I’ve learned to give space and stop trying to fix what I can not fix. I’ve learned that I can’t be the net for my adult kids. They have to fly and I have to know they will still be there when I say no. Eventually they will respect me more for it in the end because I’m allowing them to grow as well.

Mental Health

What fear I have overcome..

beingmesober

What’s a fear you’ve overcome — and how did you do it?

If we look back and think of all the fears we’ve overcome over our life.

Remember the monsters 👻,  the ghosts 👻 or the creaking or knocking we’d hear when the house was dark and quiet. How about the dark? I have to say I would be fearful in the dark if I was unfamiliar or alone. So to conquer that I turn lots of lights on!

I use to be terrified to speak in front of an audience or a group of people. Its a very uncomfortable feeling. Sweating, shaking, voice quivering. All of it I use to have. Is it age or self confidence or overcoming fear?

This ties in to yesterday’s prompt of self confidence. I’ve had to get up recently and speak to a large group of people at a funeral. Before I spoke, I read out the letter I was preparing to read so I wouldn’t fumble words. I told myself they are not judging me or talking about me up there, they are listening and probably wishing they had the courage to get up and say something.

Fear is many times something we create in our minds. Our minds play very tricky games. I believe the older we get we release a lot of fears we once had but, there will always be fear when we haven’t tried something new or are not familiar with it.

Overcoming is the hardest part. Think of the opportunity or the outcome of “what if” we didn’t let fear rule us.

Don’t let fear take you away from growth. Stare fear in the face and conquer!

Mental Health

How I’ve adapted after the Pandemic.

beingmesober

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Covid! What a time. Strange and scary. So many changes.

I was really always a home body but since covid I believe I’ve become more of a home body.

I loved going shopping. Outlets, malls, the bigger the better, but now find myself ordering online, I feel overwhelmed in some stores because there just so packed. I don’t have the patience to be going through all the racks like I used to. Is it age or due to the fact we spent 2 years indoors and got use to the convenience of online shopping?

Although, Covid helped me discover art and the creative side of myself on canvas. That was a blessing. It gave some of us time to just sit and get uncomfortable and absolutely bored, but opened up areas of yourself that were hidden because we are a rushed society and have no time to spend on ourselves.

We are forced to adapt to our surroundings at times. We have to otherwise we’d go crazy or be left behind. We adapt quickly and carry on as best we can.

I’ve adapted to fist pumps instead of hugs when friends or family are not feeling well. I’ve adapted to seeing more masks on people and not finding it strange.

The one thing, several things, that are hardest to adapt to are the price increases on everything! How do we adapt to that when some don’t have the means necessary to adapt? The struggling I see with so many, my own adult children trying to make a life like we had up to 2020. Buying a house for 20/30 somethings is almost impossible to do on their own. Rent! Ha, shoe box for 1500-2000/month and getting paid min wage.

Somehow, we all adapt whether we like it or not. Forced to adapt to a new normal.

Art – “Pandemic and Politics” – Kelly Petrie -Kpz Art