Tag: #chaos

Mental Health, Leisure

Are we shaped by experiences or by who we are?

beingmesober

Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?

Are we shaped by experiences or who we are? Both.

Some heavy experiences in life shape our future and who we become for sure. Sets our nervous system. Fight or flight. PTSD, traumatic stress leaves scars, some to never repair. Shapes what we think and who or what we become as adults.

Certain experiences shape who we become. Whether for good or bad.

We as humans learn through watching. Learned behavior which shapes who we are. 

My son being abused by his father verbally and physically left deep scars and who he is today at 33 years young. His anger is still present and his words at times are valgur.  I’ve tried for years to help him but to no avail it’s embedded in him. Without therapy it will continue. I often wondered if I could have left the marriage sooner maybe my son wouldn’t be as scared. I’m happy to report he is an amazing father and doesn’t mistreat his boys or wife. The trigger is there and the switch can flip at anytime.  Hopefully with support and our endless talks he will settle. His experiences definitely affected who he became.

My life experiences definitely shaped who I became. I became the change. The one who broke the chain of abuse and alcoholism. I became the black sheep of my family speaking the truth and not being blind to who certain people were. Speaking the truth left me somewhat alone but I knew what I was doing was helping my scars and becoming who I was born to be. It left me strong and capable of overcoming.

I’m now helping my daughter with her trauma and addiction for everything that has shaped her into the young 30 year old she is.  She is now in therapy and it’s going well. She is slowly becoming the sweet girl she was before all the experiences she has been through.  I will continue to break the chain and circle of alcoholism and abuse in our family.

I knew before having children,  I was going to be everything to them and help shape their life as best I could. To be successful, to love with all their heart and be a good person. To be there for them always, to not abuse them like I was abused as a child, and to not live a life of domestic violence. I would never let that happen. Unfortunately I did end up back in the violence and alcoholism but I never let it change me inside. It may have changed who I was for a short time but I came out on top and used those experiences to help me today with my own kids.

Although the past desicions and home life had a part in who I would have been I used those experiences to my advantage today. I use them to share on here and with my kids. To show them we can do better. Its up to you to decide what you do with what comes along.

Will you concour or let those experiences determine or shape who you were born to be?

Mental Health

What I’ve been up to the last couple years…

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s!

I hope you’re all striving to be your best selves!

As you may have read I’ve been getting creative and picked up Art and wrote a children’s book. We now have 7 grandbabies and loving every minute of it.

We moved in both places, here in Ontario and down South. Both were such good decisions. We are closer to our grandsons and our daughter down South and enjoying them tremendously!  

I’ve been watching my kids grow into their 30s and although it’s been a rough road at times, we manage. I try to be open minded and advise them as best I can. I’ve learned to step back and let them figure things out.

Hanging out with my son’s children, 4 and 1, has been wonderful. I love seeing him with his son’s. He interacts with them and plays and disciplines and loves them. Its amazing seeing he turned out that way after the way his father treated him. I worried about that. I prayed he would be a good dad. A good dad is what he is, a good provider and partner. Making Mama proud!

I turned 56 this year! Only 4 years to 60!! Whoohoo!! Hard to believe because I still feel so young. I actually find it comical. Onwards and upwards 🙌

I often think my life started at 40. A year after I left alcohol in the ditch, when I really enjoyed living alcohol free. I stopped thinking and living in the past. Finally having someone who stood by me and loved me and my kids. I have truly never been so adjusted, calm or happy. I’ve never felt I had a home, until I built one, ( not literlly ) with my husband, I was always running or given a reason to run. My life, our life improved tremendously when I got better. I got therapy, I went to AA, I know not for everyone, I had proper support and the right group of friends. I weeded my garden. It took years for me to break free from some toxic relationships but eventually I chose myself and removed what didn’t bring me peace. More weeding.

I have a life I love and that’s from making choices that I didn’t think I needed to make until faced with loosing everything I loved so much. Making choices of who was part of my life. Who deserved a place at my table.

It’s an illness that never goes away but once we get to the better side of it, a new you emerges. The one that you looked for, the one that’s been waiting to flourish, the one that matters.

We all hear the stories of what alcohol did to us but what about the good stuff. The positive and great things that come to our lives when we make that choice to live different and authenticly. Love ourselves enough to be who we are meant to be. Be amazed at what you can do, the potential that lays in you, and the opportunities that come your way. Embrace what life has to offer while we are here. Be the change. Have as much courage to set that drink down, that you did to pick it up for the first time. Think back. Remember how scared you were to drink. What’s gonna happen? It made us sick.

Trust me, it’s far from a boring life. It’s adventurous and so much more than you realize.

But, who am I to say, you should just try it and see for yourself! I dare for you to make a liar out of me 😋 I hope to see you on the other side.

This is, Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

Is a little chaos good for us?

beingmesober

Is a little chaos actually good for us?

What a question! I’ve lived a life of chaos pretty much for 40 years until I got sober and could pull myself from the cause of the continued chaos. Was it good for me? No. Not constant chaos so you don’t know which way is up. Chaos makes our minds function very differently. Everything feels rushed, no time to realize what’s actually going on. You can’t focus, sleep, or live a functioning life in constant chaos.

My mind never rested, it was going constantly.  My emotions were on high and I could never completely settle. I had night terrors since I was a child and was continously anxious. Expecting the drop.

Now I have very little chaos and some may say it’s a boring life keeping to myself and having a small group of friends.  Family  members or friends who bring a certain chaos to my life are at a distance. I absolutely love our quiet life. I am calm and can think clearly without all the other rukess circling around.

Some chaos I guess can stir up a bit of excitement and let us appreciate our quiet life that much more, but too much of anything is never good.

There will always be a bit of chaos no matter what we do to stop it. There will always be bumps ahead but it’s how we handle the chaos when we are faced with it. Calm cool and collected.

So when life is going smooth expect a little splash of chaos to show up and get a little crazy. Let it ruffle your hair and put us in high gear knowing that it will soon pass. When it’s over we sit and let out a deep breath and really appreciate where we are when times are quiet.