Author: beingmesober

I'm finally sober! My life up until I really got sober was in one word, chaotic! I didn't know what stability was. To top off my mess of a childhood, I went straight into a marriage with more abuse and alcoholism. But, what I have today is who I am, who I've become, I am with an amazing (new) husband, we have 4 kids and our fur-baby. It has not been an easy road but I can say it was worth every fight and tear it took to get me here. Sharing my journey with you and my past is not to display it all over the place but to help someone relate to what has happened and where my mind has been while I was drinking and where it is today. Its to give insight to those suffering that if you just keep fighting you can really have the best life you were meant to have. Let's do this!
Mental Health, Stages

Turning Seventeen….again

beingmesober

I remember turning 17, 1987! I loved being 17. I’m not sure why but it just sounded older.  What a time to be growing up. When things were more simple, fun and felt so free. Generations before us use to say how simple life used to be. It truly was back in the “olden days.”

I’m coming up on my Seventeenth year of my sobriety journey. What an accomplishment I’ve made, together, with the ones who stayed.

So much has come from me letting go and  refusing to let alcohol run and ruin my life and those around me. I’ve developed really great relationships, I’ve been creating art for the last 7 years and selling a few pieces. I’ve learned how to set boundaries and deal with my emotions much better than I have even upto 2 years ago. I’m maturing lol. I’m valuing myself and my worth. If I don’t get the respect I deserve than they will have no place in my life. That, that was and is extremely difficult to do. Letting go of people you love to save yourself. Letting go of old patterns and old acceptances. Its just as difficult as getting clean or sober. But, one fact always remains, to better yourself you need to let go of things or people that no longer serve you.

Over the last 17 years really exciting things have happened in my life, I have 7, yes 7 grandchildren now, I’ve discovered Art, a creative skill I never knew I had, I am chasing my passions and attending college in May.

I have accepted things the way they are and the way they were. I don’t expect more from people than they can give. No more blame. I can take responsibility of the choices I made and can put them behind me. I am able to let go of the past.

I am at peace 🙏 and growing every year.

Happy Birthday to me and all my fellow warrior’s.

#togetherwewin

Mental Health

One positive change I’ve made in my life…

beingmesober

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

There’s so many positive changes I’ve made since the biggest change which was, giving up alcohol.

In doing that I’m becoming who I am born to be. My priorities changed, my view of life changed and my healing began.

Other changes I’ve made have been to analyze my relationships. I had to let go of certain relationships to continue healing. So that I could be a better person, mother, daughter and friend. That was a very difficult change. Letting go is never easy, especially when it’s family. But, in doing that we grow.

I finally needed and demanded to be treated with respect as a person, as a mother, as a daughter and as a friend. If I want to live a full life and be truly happy inside and out, its up to me to make the necessary changes.

If you don’t like something, change it. The outcome is almost always a positive one ✨️

Be good to yourself and those around you.

Leisure

What animals make the best or worst pets?

beingmesober

What animals make the best/worst pets?

Hmmmm, I personally think dogs are the best , but I do love all animals except rodents. Yikes.

Animals are very intuitive and can be amazing support/therapy partners or just companions.

Birds are the worst. Although I love them, just not for a pet. They screech and make a horrible mess. The feed attracts mice and their feathers go everywhere! If you’re not with them constantly they pick their feathers off and you end up with a very unhappy bald bird. Did I mention if they’re flying loose they land in your mashed potatoes 🥔 🤔.  I know this from having a cockateil named Peppi. He would fly into my father’s dinner. Not fun! Its funny now but Peppi made dad real mad.

We said goodbye to Peppi and gave him to my grandfather who had the time to give and Peppi grew his feathers back. Peppi still was a frequent flyer and he learned to sing and stayed on gramps shoulder. They had a great bond. For gramps a bird was great, not so much for me or my dad, lmao 😆

Leisure

How would I improve my community?

beingmesober

How would you improve your community?

Our community consists of probably 30,000 people in the winter and jumps to over 100,000 in season. My husband and I live in a beach town just north of Toronto. The beach is beautiful, nature trails are so rustic and calming, a few restaurants, a few big box stores and lots of people with not much to do to  accommodate them through the winter months. Ghost town.

The main beach is being restored and revamped which is exciting. Its been the same for so many years and had gone down hill.  That is a huge improvement for our town. The next thing that needs improvement are the hotels/motels around town. I would consider getting volunteers to help bring life back to these places. Beautiful gardens. Donations to revive the interior finishes. Age limits on renters, no monthly rentals. I understand people need places to go but the upkeep has to be mandatory as well. Noone wants to drive by and see garbage, mattresses on their front porch, old ratty furniture outside. We need more people in our community to lend a hand to those less fortunate and help repair, rebuild and keep the community beautiful.

I’d love to have boutiques in our community.  Somewhere to shop for unique items. Maybe a cool coffee shop to visit after, other than the original Tim Hortons or Starbucks, one that you can’t wait to visit to sit and enjoy the atmosphere and delicious coffee.

There’s always improvements to be made in any community but what really matters is how the community bonds together and are proud to live there.

Do your part to help with the community you live in, together we can all make it better. Reach out to your neighbor and be kind to the people around you.

Together we win 🫶

Mental Health

How I’ve adapted after the Pandemic.

beingmesober

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Covid! What a time. Strange and scary. So many changes.

I was really always a home body but since covid I believe I’ve become more of a home body.

I loved going shopping. Outlets, malls, the bigger the better, but now find myself ordering online, I feel overwhelmed in some stores because there just so packed. I don’t have the patience to be going through all the racks like I used to. Is it age or due to the fact we spent 2 years indoors and got use to the convenience of online shopping?

Although, Covid helped me discover art and the creative side of myself on canvas. That was a blessing. It gave some of us time to just sit and get uncomfortable and absolutely bored, but opened up areas of yourself that were hidden because we are a rushed society and have no time to spend on ourselves.

We are forced to adapt to our surroundings at times. We have to otherwise we’d go crazy or be left behind. We adapt quickly and carry on as best we can.

I’ve adapted to fist pumps instead of hugs when friends or family are not feeling well. I’ve adapted to seeing more masks on people and not finding it strange.

The one thing, several things, that are hardest to adapt to are the price increases on everything! How do we adapt to that when some don’t have the means necessary to adapt? The struggling I see with so many, my own adult children trying to make a life like we had up to 2020. Buying a house for 20/30 somethings is almost impossible to do on their own. Rent! Ha, shoe box for 1500-2000/month and getting paid min wage.

Somehow, we all adapt whether we like it or not. Forced to adapt to a new normal.

Art – “Pandemic and Politics” – Kelly Petrie -Kpz Art

Mental Health

Relationships in early recovery…..

beingmesober

Hello fellow warrior’s! I hope you’re all striving everyday and making good progress ✨️

I wanted to talk about relationships in early recovery and the set backs it can have on your very own recovery.

You’ve heard it all the time, you can’t do it alone. No matter what you’re facing in life, it doesn’t have to be about addiction, its tough at times, really tough, and we all need support.  Someone who understands what your going through and has walked through the darkness.

During early recovery, we are so fragile. Our emotions are raw and we don’t know how to deal with everything that is coming up. The high alert, the endless voices in our heads that we fight daily, the not knowing how to fill our time, the anger, the sorrow. The total lifestyle changes, the letting go of some friends and family.  Not out of spite but for our own healing.

We are vulnerable and are the first ones to offer help to others on their journey when we’ve come a little father than the person asking for help. We think we can do it together. What a great idea, we think.  Intentions are well put but the outcome can be very dangerous.

I’m referring to a friend who has reached out and is asking you to help them. They ask how you did it for the last several months and admire your ability. They ask for help and slowly start spending time together and sharing stories, going to meetings and holding each other accountable.  You’re both doing the steps to stay sober.

It is wonderful to be able to offer help to someone you care about, but you’re also taking on their sobriety. You end up worrying more about them and putting yourself and your own recovery to the side and you don’t quite understand just how fragile you are. Its not your fault you’re just trying to help and, not do it alone…

Things go really good and you’re spending maybe a little too much time together but, it seems to be working, until something triggers  one of you. Something happens that a person in early recovery can’t control and they lash out possibly at you, because you’re there. Something was said and you leave in a maddened state and take a break from each other. Now fast forward and you’re reaching out to your friend but can’t reach him for 2 days. Now, your full of anxiety, anger, quilt and worry. Your focus is now on him and not you. Its a set back for your friendship and putting your recovery at high risk. The warning bells are going off. Negative thoughts and blame to yourself comes in. Your replaying everything that has happened. You believe its your fault for his relapse, but you don’t even know if he has because you can’t reach him.

Now you have to step back and refocus back to where you were in your recovery. Detach from the friendship and concentrate on your own sobriety.

Even with your hand and heart out to help, you must help yourself first. You must set boundaries with everyone in your life. You can not overextend or give more to someone else than you give yourself. Allow yourself to heal. Be alone with yourself and be comfortable. If you’re single, especially, start dating yourself! Put something on that makes you feel good and go for coffee, go shopping, go to a meeting!

Helping is never wrong or a mistake. It is what we are here to do. Help one another but like the saying says “Until you help yourself, you can not help anyone”.

Master your own path so others can follow.

This is, Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

My favorite type of weather…

beingmesober

What is your favorite type of weather?

Let me start by saying my husband and I are Snowbirds, so I guess my favorite weather is sunny and warm with the smell of the ocean air. Sweet smell of cut grass and dewy mornings. Amazing sunsets by the water, wrapped in a shawl when the nights cool to a comfortable 70°. I love the way I feel in the sun and warmth. The smile and hellos from strangers because the weather has lifted their spirits.

However, I do love the odd rainy day to light my candles and have a zen day, to feel the calmness rain brings. Snow for Christmas and Fall for the colors and crisp mornings. The rejuvenation we feel when Fall has arrived awaiting what waits for us in the coming of a fresh start with nature and a new start for some of us.

Weather can be depressing at times and for long periods of time due to months of rain and/or cold, fridgid temps and isolation. Its important to have hobbies or distractions when weather isn’t ideal. There are options for getting through the cold, rainy, snowy months. Light therapy is a very helpful alternative to the actual sun. Join a gym, arrange a get together once a week, weather depending, to connect. Stock up on books and games.

Whatever your favorite weather is, soak it up and say Thank you to Mother Nature ✨️

Mental Health

How do I deal with negative feelings?

beingmesober

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

We all have those days. The negative ones. Some are triggered and some hormonal and some from lowered dopamine.

When I was first experiencing these negative feelings as well as intrusive thoughts, it was after my first born. Hormonal and lowered dopamine that affected everything in me. I would be sitting there thinking of ways to die, thinking of destruction and just so miserable and negative. I was never that person. Never wanted to destroy things or drive into a tree and hope to die. I was so confused and unhappy. I shouldn’t of been though. I just had a new baby a beautiful home and lots of support from my in laws. I spoke to my mother in law who spoke to her sister in law and made a visit to me and suggested I go to the doctor. I was so scared. What the helk was wrong with me. Where was the happy bubbly person that use to reside in me? I made an appointment and was diagnosed with severe depression with under active dopamine, and was given an antidepressant, Prozac. At that time Prozac had a very bad name. Suicides were being blamed from taking this drug. I was nervous but I had to try. It worked! Before I knew it I was back to being me. Happy, adjusted and enjoying life and most of all my baby boy. Trees were spared!

I have been on the antidepressants for 32 years now and I am so grateful for them. If there was no solution to this diagnosis I can say without a doubt, I wouldn’t be here. So today when I do have negative days, of course, I sit with the feelings. If I know why I am experiencing these feelings then, I sit and replay every detail, every word and tell myself it’s okay. I will get through this. If I wake one morning and don’t feel like me, I am quiet and stay to myself. My husband notices right away and always asks what’s wrong, having a bad day? Yes, I would tell him and just by talking and saying I felt horrible I felt a bit of relief.

Talking is so important when you are in a negative head space. Express what is happening, get a hug, call a friend who understands, let your feelings out, meditate. Communicating is not easy for everyone especially when feeling this way. Just remember you’re not alone and it’s temporary.

So sit with your feelings, analyse your feelings, talk about your feelings, journal your feelings, but always know, it’s gonna be okay.

Mental Health

Jesus take the wheel…

beingmesober

This song by Carrie Underwood, Jesus take the wheel, I feel that song any time I hear it come on the radio. It brings me back, as a lot of songs resinante with us, takes me back to that day on the highway going to pick up my kids from their fathers. I was so hungover and desperate to get sober. Stop drinking and stop the chaos, stop the madness and shame and overwhelming feeling of anxiety and feeling so alone.

I was crying, ugly crying, and singing and begging all at the same time. Holding the steering wheel, white knuckle, shaking, hoping Jesus would step in and take me or help me.  Begging to be forgiven for the mess I made the night before. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself or the people around me. I was destroying everything good that came into my life and my childrens lives at 36.

It’s like being in an abusive relationship, but it’s only you against the voices, the fight to not drink, the fight to get better, the fight to save the road we are on.

As I write this I pause and think of the turmoil I was in. That awful feeling of dispair and hopelessness. The hate I had for the people that got me where I was in my life. The divorce, the abuse from my ex husband, my mother, my father, my so called friends that were no where to be found, living their own lives and struggles. The one question we always ask ourselves, “How did I get here?”

I do know how I got to that point in my life. It started when I was an infant. It started when I was old enough to see what abuse was, to fear the people that are suppose to love you the most and protect you. It started when I was with my friends as a teenager drinking and not realizing the consequences of what could be. It started by not having any understanding of who I was becoming, what I was trying to sort out in my life and head. It started because I was never out of chaos, never away from the abuse, physical and  mental. Starting from my mother abandoning me for years on and off. The verbal abuse and physical abuse from her. My fathers abusive ways with women in his life and him leaving us for another family.  My stepmother had enough of his abuse and cheating, he begged me to come with him but I could not go with a man that hurt woman, who found someone new and just thought I could leave everything behind. NO! I knew at 15 I couldn’t live that way. I was angry at him. I was hurt my family was splitting again.  To then be kicked out by my stepmother for no reason at 18. To then marrying an abusive man to me and our son. A cheater, a liar and an abuser. Just like the life I escaped from. Just like the father I had, the mother I had, the stepmother I had. Where was the love, the support, the way out.

The escape was in the wine, the rum, whatever I could drink to get out of my head. The drunk haze to be able to cope and get through the days, to forget the bad not knowing that the bad always surfaced because I was in a state of fight or flight my entire life up to the day I got sober. 39 years. 39 years of chaos, some points were of course amazing. My kids, buying our beautiful new home, making memories and trying to be normal and hide away the pain that wanted to be free from me.

Jesus take the wheel. Jesus took the wheel when I allowed him to take the wheel and succomb to the one thing that was keeping me in this state of flight or fight. He took the wheel and steered me to freedom, to let go, to live. With work on myself, AA, therapy and proper support, but most of all love. I was with people that truly loved me in a way that allowed me to feel safe. I know my parents love me and they did the best they could with what they were dealing with from their past traumas. I forgive them but I’m also grateful for the chaos because it showed me strength and showed me what I am capable of and who I really am. I’m not what people say I am because of their own demons. I am a good mom a good wife and a good person. I love the life I have alcohol free and living the life I choose to live with the people I choose to have in my life, but most of all I love what I have learned and accepted so that I can love unconditionally with understanding, patience and support, for myself, my husband, and children and grandchildren.

This is, Being me sober

Leisure, Uncategorized

From failure to success

beingmesober

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

Fail! Who wants to see that on a paper or class grades! Who wants to think of being a failure.  No one, but we do at times and it can be a horrible feeling.

When I knew I wanted to sell real estate my children were still young and I wanted to be there for them and knew that real estate would be a demanding career. So in 2009 I paid and signed up for the course. I was super excited to finally start my career.

I was still actively drinking at that time and failed the first phase 3 times! I quit and gave up and thought of myself as a failure and did the whole self sabotage thing.

My husband and I went on a trip with our good friends 3 months after I failed my exams, but I was also 3 months sober. Ugh, what a hard time that was as I look back. One evening when we were out my friend asked what was happening with my course and I told her I failed. She asked if I was enrolled again. I said no, I can’t do it. She turned to me and told me to sign up, to do it again, that I can do this if I really want it. You can do this she told me.

After returning home I signed up once again. I passed the 1st phase the second exam, the third phase on the first shot!! Whoohoo! The third phase took 2 tries, then the commercial side of it, I almost quit again after the 4th attempt at the exam. My daughter told me not to give up, that I’d come this far and that that is the advise I would give to her. Hmmm, how can I quit, I couldn’t.  If for nothing I had to keep going to show my children what determination and commitment looks like.

I finally did it!!! 2010 was the year I was a licensed Realtor!!! My dream came true. I was so proud of myself for sticking to it and not giving up. My kids were proud, my husband was proud and my friend was so proud.

My career was very successful and I did well. I loved the opportunity and experience of helping people move towards their dream. I felt like I had made it. I was something, I was smart and capable of anything I put my mind and effort into. Even after failing all those times it made me love and appreciate it more.

Failure isn’t failing. Its experience and allows us to do better. Failure gives us appreciation when we succeed, ✨️ its about not giving up, and getting back up, it shows how strong we are and how capable we truly are.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.