Tag: #breathe

Mental Health

Learn to Love what you’ve been through…

beingmesober

My husband will say he feels sorry for me and my past. I always respond saying, “Don’t feel sorry for me. Thank you though for your concern and empathy.”

What I’ve been through has given me strength and resilience I never knew I had in me.

I’ve forgiven and tried my best to understand why the people who loved me the most could hurt me the most.

I’m a 70s born Gen X, who along with the others grew ourselves up. The latch key kids. The generation that went out and stayed out til the street lights came on. Our parents had no idea where we were. My grandmother always told me to keep a quarter in my pocket so I could call home if I was in trouble.

I love the generation I grew up in. We were so free.

That generation was still “quiet” though. No one  talked of abuse or mental health issues. It stayed in the home and we thought it was normal. When someone would speak of it, people would question their validity of the accusations. It wasn’t discussed in public, it was not acceptable to speak of such things.

I was 4 when I knew what I seen was very wrong. I was 8 when I said no more. I was 15 when I confronted my father and said what I thought. I was 18 when I was forced to be independent. 

I was the child that spoke up when I had enough. I was the teenager who spoke her truth and stood up for all women. I was the adult full of anger, secrets that were ready to be revealed, full of sorrow, defense and alcoholic.

I am now free. I am free of my past. Free of alcohol. Do I regret it? NEVER.

What we go through in life is what builds us. Either we do better and want better or we continue the same cycle for generations to come. I wanted way better for myself. The life I had growing up was something that taught me to respect myself, never let people hurt me physically or mentally, treat my children with love and support no matter what. It taught me that if and when I fell, I will get back up. My past taught me a lot and made me who I am and what I stand for.

There will always be people who have worse situations than us. Take what you’ve had and use it as a lesson. Do better and be better.

Don’t be sad or drown in it. Take it and use it to go forward and be successful. Take it and make it powerful and meaningful. Take it and change it.

Love the life you’ve been given. Only you can do that.

This is Being Me Sober

Leisure, Mental Health

Something I do completely different from how I was raised…

beingmesober

What’s something you do completely differently from how you were raised?

I have 2 very different parents. My dad was so young at heart and always wanted to have fun but instilled such good morals and values, he was easy going and easy to talk to and share anything with. My mom, yikes. She was very strict, quick tempered and closed minded. Not easy to speak to about pre-teen, teenage girl problems. She was abused as a child and with no therapy the trauma just continued down the line onto me. Until I did something different, nothing would change. I would continue the generations of abuse.

My father was also abused but he never directed that anger towards me, just his wives. Again, no therapy, trauma continues down the line along with alcoholism and mental health issues such as depression, anxiety etc.

I always made an oath with myself growing up. Number 1 – No man will ever abuse me or my children. Number – 2 – I will never mentally or physically abuse my children. I will be open and remember what it was like for me at that age. They will be well mannered and respect authority and their elders.

My parents both raised me to have manners and respect people. Don’t make fun or hurt others and do not lie. Always tell the truth. If you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all. The core morals and manners.

With my kids I raised them in a way that they could always count on me, they never have to question my judgement, they never have to wonder if I would leave them. I raised them to be strong adults and with good work ethic. I raised them to be who they wanted to be and to never question their ability of what was possible for them. I raised them to know that family is everything and no matter what we can always work it out. I raised them to get through the hard stuff together and don’t run, face it head on.

The hardest job in the world is being a parent. There’s no manual or You-Tube video to guide you through the next 50 + years of being a parent. Just because they turn 18, doesn’t mean we are done. Parenting ends the day we die. We do the best we can as parents and do better if we need to than our parents. We can not be selfish when we have children because as soon as they are born, it is about them, your second fiddle now for awhile.

I think I can be proud of the way I raised my Son and Daughter. They are polite, funny, open, good humans and my son is an amazing father to his 3 sons. We have a great relationship with each other and gotten through the tough times. There will be more to come, I know, but I also know we always find our way back to the good times.

Leisure, Mental Health

A time Machine speaking to my past self and what I would say..

beingmesober

If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?

Dear Self,

Let. it. Go.

Focus on what you have in front of you.  Give time to those who give the same time to you. Don’t blame yourself for others choices.

Mental Health

The best way to deal with negative thoughts.

beingmesober

What’s the best way to deal with negative thoughts?

Those intrusive thoughts and self sabotage. We’ve covered this ground before. One little thing can trigger the whirlwind of negativity in your mind. Sometimes lasting only for a few minutes other times it can crumble us.

I use to drown my negative thoughts with alcohol. NOT a good idea! I would be miserable and walk around angry all day and take it out on people around me.

My husband is a great supporter and knows just by looking at me that I’m off. He immediately senses it and asks what’s wrong, if I’m having a bad day or hormones going haywire. I try to say, no, I’m fine or nothing because I hate the attention or pity. Then to realize when I do talk about it I feel a lot better. Took a long time to learn that. I harbored feelings which lead to drinking and being very unhappy inside.

Ive learned to sit with the feelings, analyze and just think. I’m a deep thinker and really try to understand why I feel the way I do at the moment. Sometimes I chat to myself and tell myself that I’m being ridiculous and to snap out of it! Get up and get shit done. Stop the pity party. 

I’ve also tried breath work. Deep breath in hold for 6 seconds and let out a big breath and continue with saying release. Release all the negative thoughts with that big breath out. Believe me, it works!

One of the best ways I get rid of negative thoughts is to pray.

I ask you lord to be released of these negative thoughts and cover me in your light.  Take what does not serve me and fill me with purity, good thoughts and love.

Thoughts come and go like a dark cloud. Let it pass over and know, this too shall pass.

Art on front page is done by me! Kpz Art 🎨