I'm finally sober! My life up until I really got sober was in one word, chaotic! I didn't know what stability was. To top off my mess of a childhood, I went straight into a marriage with more abuse and alcoholism. But, what I have today is who I am, who I've become, I am with an amazing (new) husband, we have 4 kids and our fur-baby.
It has not been an easy road but I can say it was worth every fight and tear it took to get me here.
Sharing my journey with you and my past is not to display it all over the place but to help someone relate to what has happened and where my mind has been while I was drinking and where it is today. Its to give insight to those suffering that if you just keep fighting you can really have the best life you were meant to have.
Let's do this!
I believe everyone is a lifelong learner. We learn new things everyday, even if we don’t realize we are. Its also not just about education. Its life lessons, relationships.
I do love learning and continuing my education and skills. It keeps my brain healthy and my boredom at bay.
My latest adventure into learning was sharpening my interior design skills and perfecting home staging. The course taught me a lot and educated me on what avenue I could work towards. I’m thinking of a Staging Consultant. I don’t have the space to hold furniture, art and lights, and tons of decor etc. I don’t have containers for sellers to store their furniture when replacing it with our staging furniture. There is so much involved that I never took into account.
While in the course I got discouraged because it entailed so much more than I thought but I continued and heard of the consulting.
Learning is never a waste of time even if you never use what you’ve learned.
What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?
My hardest years from 1998 – 2009. Staying in a marriage that was abusive towards me and my son. Eventually getting out. The years I drank to escape. The years I felt so alone. The years I wished I wasn’t here. The years of escape drinking.
My kids got me through those years. My son 11 and daughter 8. I had to be strong for them.
When I decided to end the marriage, 2004, it wasn’t easy. I was a stay at home mom. That was my career. I did work here and there and eventually started my own cleaning company. I didn’t have money to up and leave.
My ex had a problem paying me support. Not because we didn’t have the money. We did. We were very successful and owned a business that he eventually destroyed. He refused to buy food for us, my car was repoed and he stopped paying the mortgage and the utilities.
My mom was in my life and had helped me with the mortgage until it sold. Her and my stepfather lent us a vehicle and somehow I was able to put food on the table.
Once our home sold, me and the kids packed up and moved closer to my mom. We left our dream home behind to never return to that part of life. As we drove away in the moving truck I was sad but happy. I was sad that it ended the way it did after 12 years together, but I was happy to have escaped, finally.
I knew we could make it just the 3 of us and I was looking forward to the future.
I was still fighting with my ex and eventually gave up on his support. Emotionally I couldn’t fight anymore. I was exhausted.
The money from selling our home wasn’t going to last and I had to start my cleaning company again in the area we moved but knew it wouldn’t be enough without my exs help. So, I put my head down and walked into the welfare office and applied.
How on earth did we get here? We had money, we had everything at such a young age. The big house, the cars, the underground pool and all the toys and there I was walking in too ask for help from the government.
It was temporary I always told myself and no one needs to know. As soon as I made enough money to support us 3 I would get off welfare. The anger grew. The feeling of complete failure grew.
We lived on it for a year and I was back on my feet. I, we didn’t need my exs help. We can do this, and we did.
I tried to protect my kids from their father and his drunk abusive ways but the courts didn’t help. I eventually gave up on that too and decided to let my kids figure out how bad their father is and why we couldn’t stay. Why I was trying to keep them from him.
He never did pay one cent of support on his own efforts, but because I filed with the FRO – Family Responsibility Office, anytime my ex got a tax return my support was deducted or was deducted from his pay. So he stopped doing his taxes! Got a job that paid cash or just didn’t work. It was okay tho because I wasn’t stuck anymore, I was happy, I had my kids and that’s all I needed. We didn’t have a lot of money but we had each other.
I made our rental home nice and we had fun. My kids are my life and I would and did do everything and anything to make us happy and content.
The kids do have a relationship with their father. Not ideal but he’s in their life. He has helped them as they got older and of course doesn’t have to go through me to give money to get to them. So warped how some think.
Everything we went through was worth the finish line to get us too where we are now. We are happy, humble and stronger than we gave ourselves credit for. It left scars, deep deep scars especially for my son but together we made something so unimaginable into something worth fighting for. Peace and happiness.
I’m not really into comics or superheroes. I guess maybe being a woman I don’t share any liking to that.
When I read the prompt, I thought of vigilantes. When someone takes the law into their own hands because they feel they are doing justice. Hummm, no one in my opinion, has the right to put the law into their hands to have justice. Although we, as humans can sometimes identify with their actions and agree. Some should be removed from society and never return.
Let’s face it, most times we intervene, we come out being the villain.
What a question! I’ve lived a life of chaos pretty much for 40 years until I got sober and could pull myself from the cause of the continued chaos. Was it good for me? No. Not constant chaos so you don’t know which way is up. Chaos makes our minds function very differently. Everything feels rushed, no time to realize what’s actually going on. You can’t focus, sleep, or live a functioning life in constant chaos.
My mind never rested, it was going constantly. My emotions were on high and I could never completely settle. I had night terrors since I was a child and was continously anxious. Expecting the drop.
Now I have very little chaos and some may say it’s a boring life keeping to myself and having a small group of friends. Family members or friends who bring a certain chaos to my life are at a distance. I absolutely love our quiet life. I am calm and can think clearly without all the other rukess circling around.
Some chaos I guess can stir up a bit of excitement and let us appreciate our quiet life that much more, but too much of anything is never good.
There will always be a bit of chaos no matter what we do to stop it. There will always be bumps ahead but it’s how we handle the chaos when we are faced with it. Calm cool and collected.
So when life is going smooth expect a little splash of chaos to show up and get a little crazy. Let it ruffle your hair and put us in high gear knowing that it will soon pass. When it’s over we sit and let out a deep breath and really appreciate where we are when times are quiet.
I don’t have one favorite blogger. I enjoy every blogger who takes the time to write and free them selves of what is taking up space in their minds. I enjoy knowing and reading the other views people have, not just one. I enjoy the creativity and style of certain bloggers but wouldn’t call them favorite.
Keep blogging, keep sharing, keep the lines of communication open.
Well peeps I actually got to 13,456 steps yesterday!!
What a day! Air Canada cancelled our flight to Regina yesterday due to “maintenance” so we had to reroute. Hopped on West Jet with a connector to Calgary, just a quick flight over Regina then get back on another plane to go back another hour and a half to Regina. Whatever it takes to get to our kids right! Keeping her updated as the day progresses.
Okay, we’re on our way to see our daughter and grandbabes just a bit later but we will get there. Not so fast! There was a medical emergency on our flight and was delayed an hour!!! Ohhhh no! Will we miss our connection in Calgary?
As we all got off the plane, some happy to be home, or their Calgary trip for the Stampede this weekend, oh ya that too, others wondering if they will make their connections.
We walked and walked through the airport to our connection gate, we could see our plane, thank god phew. Nope, sorry, says the ticket agent, you’ll have to get on the 11pm flight. Ohhhhh my gosh! Its 3 hr difference from Ontario to Calgary, I’ve been up since 5:30am and it’s now midnight our time. We are tired but wired and frustrated. Its still daylight at 10pm.
We go get our new boarding passes and end up staying the night at the Marriot. Another airport walk around from one end of the airport to the other. But in the back of my mind I’m getting all my steps in. I have to report back to all my fellow bloggers 😁.
I have to say though, I really like Calgary. Well the airport, the vibes. When we walked into the hotel to check in, with a restaurant surrounding the check in desk, I felt like we were walking right into Dutton Ranch! All the cowboy hats and saddles laid out as decor. I actually wish we were all staying here this weekend, but must get back on the plane for our final destination.
Even though yesterday was delayed and frustrating, we knew we’d get there eventually 🙃. What’s a little pit stop at a place we’ve never been. One for the books!
I did manage to get 13,456 steps in yesterday which is awesome 👌!
What’s the best way to deal with negative thoughts?
Those intrusive thoughts and self sabotage. We’ve covered this ground before. One little thing can trigger the whirlwind of negativity in your mind. Sometimes lasting only for a few minutes other times it can crumble us.
I use to drown my negative thoughts with alcohol. NOT a good idea! I would be miserable and walk around angry all day and take it out on people around me.
My husband is a great supporter and knows just by looking at me that I’m off. He immediately senses it and asks what’s wrong, if I’m having a bad day or hormones going haywire. I try to say, no, I’m fine or nothing because I hate the attention or pity. Then to realize when I do talk about it I feel a lot better. Took a long time to learn that. I harbored feelings which lead to drinking and being very unhappy inside.
Ive learned to sit with the feelings, analyze and just think. I’m a deep thinker and really try to understand why I feel the way I do at the moment. Sometimes I chat to myself and tell myself that I’m being ridiculous and to snap out of it! Get up and get shit done. Stop the pity party.
I’ve also tried breath work. Deep breath in hold for 6 seconds and let out a big breath and continue with saying release. Release all the negative thoughts with that big breath out. Believe me, it works!
One of the best ways I get rid of negative thoughts is to pray.
I ask you lord to be released of these negative thoughts and cover me in your light. Take what does not serve me and fill me with purity, good thoughts and love.
Thoughts come and go like a dark cloud. Let it pass over and know, this too shall pass.
What do you love now, that you hated when you were younger?
WEEDING! I hated weeding when I was younger.
When I was 11 Is when my stepmom taught me how to weed the garden. It was the last thing on earth I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be swimming, or hanging out in my room or playing with friends, certainly not weeding my parents garden. Like, why couldn’t they just do it. Huffing and puffing along the way. My mom never gave in though. She made me finish the entire gardens. The gardens seemed to be so big and take so long to do.
Today, however I’m grateful for those days I hated weeding because it taught me how to take care of my own garden when the day came. I do think back to that still when I’m gardening and give a little thoughtful shout out to my parents for teaching me, and the patience to suffer through my pouting and carrying on during those times.
I can also say I’m a little anal when it comes to my garden. It has to have proper placement, colour and low maintenance perennials. Minimal weed growth. When I do have to weed and maintain the grounds, I find it relaxing. I can go into my own world and tell my plants how beautiful they are! Weird? Human touch stimulates plants and talking to them or having music close to them. They feel the vibration from our voices and the music, the energy we give when touching.
So, thanks mom for all those lessons that I thought would ruin my life. 🫶👊
When I sit back on my front porch or backyard deck I look at my gardens and smile because they are beautiful and I’m proud of my hard work and of course lessons learned, not just about weeding but about appreciating and taking care of what you have.
Being Me Sober 