Tag: dailyprompt

Mental Health

What is something I would tell my 20 year old self?

beingmesober

What is something you wish you could tell your 20-year-old self?

When I think back to when I was 20, it gives me butterflies and anxiety. The pit in my stomach thinking back to that time 36 years ago.

I was existing then. Lonely, alone and trying to understand things I couldn’t process.

I was in hair dressing school/beauty school! Living at my boyfriend’s with his parents. I had been couch surfing for a year at that time. When I look back I can’t believe the life I was living at such a young age. Being kicked out at 18, my father living in the States and no relationship with my mother. I didnt want to go to the States with my father because I didn’t want to go back to the life I had had with my father. The nights I would be woken up to the loud screams and yelling, begging him to stop, he was hurting her, my father abusing his wife. I couldn’t and wouldn’t go back.

My stepmother had sold our family home and moved with my sister. I had no relationship with either of them at that time. I never lost my up beat happy self. I just went through life in flight or fight mode.

What would I say to myself at 20?

This isn’t the only struggle you will have but you are strong and capable of great things. Trust your instincts and intuition. Don’t pick up that bottle of wine to escape your abusive marriage. Leave him. You’re not alone. You are worthy and loved.

You will have the proper people in your life and in time you will have the life you’ve always wanted. Stay strong and stay soft. Accept people and things the way they are and don’t make excuses for people that don’t deserve it. Be true and love yourself. Love yourself enough to have the wonderful life thats waiting for you. One day you will stop running. One day you will be at peace and have so much more life to live.

Mental Health

My guide to setting boundries.

beingmesober

Write your guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

This is something I’ve been working on for quite some time.

Setting boundries is difficult because a lot of the time it’s between people that are close to us.

When I first became sober I had to have a conversation with a friend about getting together when she drinks. Her and I had a very good drinking relationship but also a friend that I confided in. I had to explain to her that I could not be around her if she was drinking. She was a little taken back but agreed to get together and have tea with me instead. Every Friday night we did that for a year. Until I was secure enough in my sobriety, I had to set those boundries. Not just to my friend but to everyone around me.

We deserve respect and to be free of any unwanted relationship that doesn’t make us feel worthy or respected. If they don’t bring joy and happiness to your life then it’s up to you to set the boundaries of what you expect.

If someone in my life is not treating me with respect, I will bring it to their attention and ask for what I deserve. If they can not, then I have to distance myself from that person. Not out of anger or revenge but for my own mental stability. I want people to treat me with the same respect as I do them.

My husband and I have had to put down some pretty strick boundries with our 30 year old daughter who is in and out of recovery. It has been the most challenging experience we’ve ever had to deal with. We can not threaten to kick her out because we don’t want her on the streets or living in her car or worse, dying. Its not for lack of trying on her part but boundaries have to be there.

Set boundaries:

Right after work she is to come home. Her friends consists of 2 maybe 3 and those are the people who she can spend time with outside the home. She is to attend AA once a week or more and attend therapy.

One of the biggest challenges is what we do if she relapses. Well….we pick up and start again. These boundries are ones that she can handle and ones we are comfortable with. Sure we could kick her out but I’m not willing to accept what could happen.

Boundries are set for emotional well-being. There are rules we have to follow just as boundaries have to be put into place when our peace is at jeopardy or we are being mistreated. Sometimes it may feel selfish but if no one cares for you who will?

The only control people have over us, is the control we give them. KP

Mental Health

What fear I have overcome..

beingmesober

What’s a fear you’ve overcome — and how did you do it?

If we look back and think of all the fears we’ve overcome over our life.

Remember the monsters 👻,  the ghosts 👻 or the creaking or knocking we’d hear when the house was dark and quiet. How about the dark? I have to say I would be fearful in the dark if I was unfamiliar or alone. So to conquer that I turn lots of lights on!

I use to be terrified to speak in front of an audience or a group of people. Its a very uncomfortable feeling. Sweating, shaking, voice quivering. All of it I use to have. Is it age or self confidence or overcoming fear?

This ties in to yesterday’s prompt of self confidence. I’ve had to get up recently and speak to a large group of people at a funeral. Before I spoke, I read out the letter I was preparing to read so I wouldn’t fumble words. I told myself they are not judging me or talking about me up there, they are listening and probably wishing they had the courage to get up and say something.

Fear is many times something we create in our minds. Our minds play very tricky games. I believe the older we get we release a lot of fears we once had but, there will always be fear when we haven’t tried something new or are not familiar with it.

Overcoming is the hardest part. Think of the opportunity or the outcome of “what if” we didn’t let fear rule us.

Don’t let fear take you away from growth. Stare fear in the face and conquer!

Leisure, Mental Health

Do I believe in minimalism?

beingmesober

Do you believe in minimalism?

Yes! Yes! Yes! No clutter!

My mom and her husband love their niknaks in the house and garden, and my stepdad is a pack rat. My mom loves her collections of “things” but, my stepdads ways drive her nuts. So much so that she will no longer go to their place of business because she can’t stand the clutter.

I’ve always told my kids that having an organized, clean room sets their mind to a more focused, calm state and will also help them be more efficient throught their day and life.

I’m someone who does not like unnecessary items laying around. Everything has a place.

Treadmills are for an exercise room, chairs are made to sit on.

When I decorate I like to showcase a few of my favorite things but not too much. I want an atmosphere of cozy, classy and beachy. I want our company to feel relaxed and comfortable as well when they visit.

When there is so much happening in a space it doesn’t provide relaxation. It doesn’t separate a space from one to another. It is also a pain to clean everything.

Those pants that no longer fit, or those really cool boots we wore in high school. Time too say goodbye. Oh and the doileys everywhere under everything…..Bathrooms come with cabinets to put items away.

There are so many benefits to being a minimalist, less to clean, easier to find things, organized mind, emotional balance, and appreciation for what you have or what your holding onto.

Remember, less is more.

Mental Health

A moment in my life that felt like a movie..

beingmesober

What’s a moment in your life that felt like it was straight out of a movie?

My life movie moment would have to be the first day I met my husband.

We met in a parking lot of Tim Hortons, suppose to have coffee, this was a blind date,  instead he asked if I’d rather go for a walk because of the beautiful day it was. May 25th 2006.

I agreed and followed him to a park called Fairy Lake located in Newmarket, Ontario. Its beautifully lined with trees with a paved walking, biking trail, and a lake surrounding the lush gardens and trees. It was my first time going there and I fell in love with not only the park but this man who brought me here, as we walked and talked about ourselves and got to know each other it felt magical.

He knew what to do, what to say, where to go to impress a lady. I was swept off my feet that day. His demeanor and what he stood for was so attractive right off the bat. Oh, and he was/is very attractive. It was easy and I felt very calm with him. He treated me like a lady and has been for the last 20 years. Nothing has changed.  He is still the man I fell in love with at Fairy Lake in 2006.

That day was definitely a Hallmark moment of my life.

Mental Health

I went on a walk and this caught my eye…

beingmesober

Go on a walk today and share a photo of something that catches your eye.

One of my favorite things to do is go for a walk with oir golden retriever, Gracie.

Ms. Gracie Lou

We have an area behind our house that we go to so she can go through the path and quickly get to the big area of sand so she can do her sand dance.

I enjoy going in the early spring and looking at what old man Winter has left behind when the snow and ice has melted. How the landscape has changed. There was a lot of water this year which flooded quite a few areas. As I stood and stared at one area Gracie does her territorial sniff, I couldn’t believe how much water and swamp like area that once was lush with trees and grasses, natural ground. It was devastated. Broken limbs dangling from trees, trees uprooted and fallen from the water level and being saturated. But I also saw beauty in the devastation. Mother nature doing her job. Taking out the weak. Changing the landscape. Making room for something new.

Sometimes we have to look beyond the mess to see the beauty.

Mental Health

How I handle fear and self doubt.

beingmesober

How do you handle fear and self-doubt?

Fear and self doubt mixed with self sabotage, the intrusive thoughts. We all have it. Some, worse than others, and some just excel in everything they do and have managed to keep those thoughts and feelings at bay and push through.

Having those feelings can be much more complex from an abusive childhood, being bullied in school and/or work, or have been rejected more times than accepted.

As I’ve gotten older I’m not as timid or shy but that doesn’t mean I have no fear or self doubt. I’ve struggled many times in my 55 years but I’ve never given up. I’m also a procrastinator..oh gosh, yes, I am. That could be from fear and self doubt. When I first discovered fluid art I wanted to try it. I started on a small canvas and eventually wanted to try a large 36 x 48 canvas. It looked massive to me at that time. It sat against the wall for weeks. Every time I walked by I would stop and stare. Ugh, I kept thinking. Its so big. I can’t do it.

I finally decided now or never. How will I excel at art if I am scared or don’t try. I completed the piece and I liked it okay. Everyone loved it. My friends and strangers were complimenting me on how nice it was, how much talent it took to create that! I was so honored and proud. My art took off from there and the funny thing is I only like to work on large canvases now. I’m really enjoying my textured Art I’ve learned and created some nice pieces.

So the next time your mind tells you you can’t do something ask yourself who is saying that. Who says you can’t do something that excites you or helps you grow? We are here to express ourselves in whatever brings us happiness and love.

YOU are capable. YOU can do whatever you set your mind to you just have to try and try again. Quiet those voices with anticipation and determination.